Thoughts and Musings (Open)

[donnovan]

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Matt was just needing some time to himself right now. He had so much on his plate that he was starting to feel overwhelmed. School was kicking his rear three ways to Sunday and he hated it. At the rate he was going he was going to flunk out. It was a miracle coach allowed him to be on the team but given that Vicki had died and his mom had lip locked Tyler he figured coach felt bad for him and didn’t want to take away one of the few good things he had.

It wasn’t that Matt wanted to be a slacker, it was just that he ended up smack dab in the middle of every crazy hair brained scheme that came around the bend for Elena. If he didn’t care for her so much it would be easier but they both had suffered. He had lost Vicki and she had lost her family, her uncle John and her aunt was a vampire. That just sucked all around. There was nothing to be done for it though except to keep moving forward.

That’s why he was trying to figure out Spanish. He had to pass this class if it killed him but who cared about conjugating Tener when you had so many other things going on in your life. He wasn’t good enough for college and he sure as hell couldn’t afford it on his salary so when all was said and done his friends were going to graduate and leave and he’d be the loser has been jock that the kids made fun of when they got their burgers and fries. Matt sighed and ran his hands through his hair, he just didn’t know what to do any more.

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[Elena Isobel Gilbert]

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Was it bad that she was avoiding her boyfriend, her brother, her boyfriend's best friend and her boyfriend's brother? She was avoiding the lot of them for reasons that were ridiculous but she still didn't want to be anywhere near any of them at the moment. She knew Stefan was more than likely worried that she was mad at him but that wasn’t the case at all. She also knew that he’d feel horribly guilty if he knew why she was avoiding them. Lexi apparently had a pretty good idea on exactly what time of the month it was but hopefully she wouldn’t say anything to Stefan or Damon.

Any other time she wouldn’t have cared but with Stefan’s recent ripper status she just felt like it was better safe than sorry. Hence her not being home and not being over at the boarding house. She had text messaged Lexi pretending to want a weekend of solitude and Lexi swore up and down that she’d keep the boys away from her but she knew that if Stefan or Damon wanted something, nothing and no one was going to stop them, hence her being out and about as much as possible. She was also avoiding her brother as she was annoyed at him for not letting her spend any time with her own best friend since he and Bonnie had gotten back together. She wasn’t really quite sure where the hell Caroline was but that was usual these days even though it was getting old rather quickly.

She walked past one of the small shops on the main street of the town square and caught sight of herself in the mirror, noting the purple tank top, distressed flare jeans and flats that matched perfectly with the color of the top part of her tank top. Even her messenger bag matched which was really just a weird coincidence that she had a matching one since purple wasn't really normally her color. Her hair was the same as it always was, brown, long and straight. A few weeks previously Lexi had forced her to put a few red streaks in her hair however she had it dyed back her normal color so it was a little darker than natural but she figured it would fade eventually and at least the streaks were covered up, she hadn’t been a fan of them at all.

Shaking her head she looked up and caught site of a familiar face, one she hadn’t seen in quite awhile. Walking over she poked his shoulder, smiling. “Hey stranger. Haven’t seen you in awhile.” She stated before catching sight of his stressed face. “What’s the matter Matt?”

Word Count:: 461
Tag:: Matt Donovan
Outfit:: Click here for Elena’s Outfit
Note:: -------

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[donnovan]

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Matt groaned as Spanish seemed more of a mystery than ever. He exhaled and ran his hands through his hair. This was just awful these conjugations were going to kill him. He had trouble with English let alone Spanish. He was stupid to think he could learn it all at once. He was going to be washing dishes for the rest of his life in a deadbeat town. He sighed softly and looked at the book. No one was around to help him. He couldn’t admit that he was a loser who couldn’t even keep up with his homework. He closed his eyes as he tried to focus himself just like he would if he was feeling stressed during a game.

He always pictured the game going well. Maybe if he did that for Spanish he could calm himself down enough to actually do the work that he needed to. He glanced at the lessons he needed to make up and decided to break it down into manageable chunks if he could. He bit his lip and decided to work on the first third of the book. Giving himself a smaller chunk to memorize and thus making it easier on him. Well that was what he told himself anyway.

He leaned back a bit and stretched his shoulders lightly. The shirt he wore stretched against his pectorals and he looked around a bit. Seeing Elena he ducked his head, “Hey, Elena. Yeah been trying to get a good grade in Spanish. Things have been so busy I kinda got behind.” He said mournfully as he looked up at her and smiled slightly, “How are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you okay? I know things have been kind of crazy in town.” He said trying not to be too specific and make her feel uncomfortable as he spoke to her. He wanted her to feel like she could come to him if she needed to. He wanted to feel useful. In a town with supernatural beings it was easy to feel swept under the rug if you were human.

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[Elena Isobel Gilbert]

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Elena stared at one of her best friends curiously, wondering what his furrowed brow was about. She knew Matt better than most as they had been best friends for years before dating. She remembered how the two used to play in the sandbox together, the way that she had been there when Matt’s mom left for the first time, and come back, and left again, making a habit out of running away when things got too tough and leaving her two children alone when she should have been there guiding them and protecting them. Her mother had taken Matt in as a second child whenever Kelly Donovan had gone on one of her leaves of absences. As such not only had Jeremy and Matt got closer, but so had Elena and Matt.

It was during one of these times when Matt was pretty much living with the Gilberts (not technically living there but he’d stayed there for more than a few nights at a time) that he had asked her to Freshman Homecoming, which med to the twos first kiss. After that they were inseparable until Junior year when Elena started feeling smothered. To this day she felt guilty for the way she had ended things however she knew as well as he did that even if they had stayed together it would have never been like it had been before. Because of the two’s history she knew him inside and out and it was clear that something large was bothering him…no matter what he tried to deny.

“Liar.” She told him with a small smile. “You may be behind in Spanish but that’s not what’s wrong. However I’ll let it slide for now. Need help?” She asked, sitting next to him and looking over his shoulder at the homework he was currently concentrating on. She had taken Spanish the year before and had gotten a fairly decent grade though she had not felt the need to continue it once she got her foreign language requirement out of the way. She really had no interest in learning a foreign language such as Spanish but unfortunately it was Spanish, French or German that was offered so she took the lesser of the three evils in her opinion.

“I’m okay.” She answered softly. “Things are always crazy here. Hell I think even before we knew that they were crazy, things were crazy here. We just happened to live in oblivion at the time.” She stated with a small laugh.

Word Count:: 432
Tag:: Matt Donovan
Outfit:: Click here for Elena’s Outfit
Note:: -------

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[donnovan]

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He knew that look and inwardly groaned. The one that said Elena was going to push. She knew him too well and sometimes, like today, it was more a curse than a blessing. He hated to not tell her what was going on in his life but really did she need a whine fest about how he couldn’t balance all the supernatural stuff and a normal life? April up and flaked on him. He felt stupid for bothering. Here he thought that maybe finally, April and he might have something and then she’d spaced on him. He had the worst luck with women. He probably should be glad April left when she did, the last girl he had dated had turned into a vampire.

“Help would be greatly appreciated. I’m staring at this stuff but nothing is sinking in. I knew I should have kept up with it.” The frustration in his voice was evident as was his hang dog look. It wouldn’t do any good to blame anyone else for his lack of planning. “I just lost track of it.” He added sadly.

If his life had been normal he probably would have kept up with it. He never could get how Elena got everything done in a day that she needed to with her vampire problems. Did she have a clone somewhere doing the homework and writing the papers with a billion sources? At least that was what it felt like to Matt. He just wanted to be done with it. Move past school and all the other drama with it. He didn’t think he was smart enough for college though. Nore good enough for the big teams.

“Yeah its our crazy mixed up town. They’re still planning Miss Mystic Falls in spite of all the stuff going on. April asked me to take her but I’ve not heard anything and if she’s not there for the practices its going to be hard.” Back to April again, Matt needed a life big time. He’d always love Elena but he knew when things were over and he should move on. It had hurt, but he got through it. Then when Care had become a vampire and they called it quits his self esteem had taken a hit. He was embarrassed how he’d handled it but now they were past that, so he hoped. With Care no longer with Tyler he really didn’t know what to do.

He was the odd man out; the human that didn’t do anything special or have any special qualities. He liked it. It was nice but sometimes, just sometimes, it sucked. At least he and Elena could talk about normal stuff. That made things easier to deal with.

Word Count:: 454
Tag:: Elena
Notes:: Poor Matty has girl troubles.

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[Elena Isobel Gilbert]

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Elena sat down next to her friend, removing her bag as she did and placing it on the bench next to her. She made a mental note at the full weight of her messenger bag to clean it out when she got home. She was not the normal type of girl who carried a purse with her everywhere as she tended to carry too much around with her especially in the recent years and a purse was not something that could hold the weight of all her belongings. When she and Stefan had gotten closer she had found herself more than once spending the night with him with no real notice so instead of carrying around lipstick and a mirror like most young women did, she found herself carrying around a phone charger, her school books along with a change of clothes for the next day. She didn’t mind wearing Stefan’s clothes to bed but she drew the line at wearing them to school.

She smiled in acknowledgement about keeping up with school work. She herself had not been as diligent as she once was with it either and she knew that it was only due to the founder’s council having a close look at the school administration that she was even passing this year due to missing more days than being at school. She hadn’t realized how much school she was actually skipping until she looked at her attendance record a few weeks prior and had been appalled at the fact that not only had she not realized it, but that none of her teachers as questioned it. She briefly wondered if a few vampires weren’t compelling the teachers to either see the students who weren’t actually there or to just not mention the students who weren’t there.

It sounded like something that Stefan would do just to protect her…then again it had been going on even when he wasn’t around so she made another mental note, this one so that she would speak with Damon and Lexi and ask if they had anything to do with it. “I think everyone’s school work declined this year. Except for Caroline’s who is in no way normal. And even then who knows about her actual school work, I just know her volunteering on committees and such hasn’t declined.” She stated with a fond laugh about her blonde haired friend. “So what are you working on and I’ll try to help?” She asked, not being able to read over his shoulder that well, at least not to see what his actual assignments were.

Her eyes widened as hearing that they were still planning the Founder’s Court party and groaned. “Really? They are?” She asked, having not heard about it. Then again she didn’t really listen anymore to a lot either. “I didn’t know April wanted to enter. Then again I only saw her briefly and that was before I had to bolt as Jeremy called me needing help.” She stated randomly before once again focusing on her friend. “You know she always did have a crush on you, even when we used to baby sit her.” She stated, nudging his arm teasingly.

Word Count:: 572
Tag:: Matt Donovan
Outfit:: Click here for Elena’s Outfit
Note:: Elena will try and help! Though lord knows she’s got enough relationship problems to last a life time so she may not be the best person to ask. Lol

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[donnovan]

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He hoped Elena wasn’t hauling too much stuff around. The fact that her bag was so big was evidence that her life was way more complicated than it once had been. She didn’t used to need so much stuff and he couldn’t help but see it as a symbol of all that was slowly going wrong around here. The days when you could just walk around with your wallet in your back pocket were gone. Now you needed vervain and stakes on hand just in case some vampire lost it. Ty’s case wasn’t much better as far as he was concerned. He’d had to make sure to keep an eye out on the full moon too.

None of this cheered his mood. He had to force himself to smile, to force himself to think of something else. He didn’t want things to be like this. He was going to have to focus on the positive, everyone was okay, his friends were okay, things were tough but they had been before vampires came here. He wasn’t the only one having a hard time. As he thought that he began to relax. The idea that he wasn’t alone helped him to bear it. “Its Spanish. I’ve been trying to be good at it but when you have your mind on other things suddenly its just not as important. Which doesn’t help when you have to go back to situation normal.” He admitted with a chuckle as he looked at her. She made him want to smile. Things may not ever be the way they were but he loved Elena and always would. They had been through too much for him not to love her.

“Yeah we talked about that. She wanted me to consider her as a friend and not worry about the age gap and I agreed to do that but then she just…flaked. I’m not sure if her life got busy or she’s just being a normal girl and changed her mind. I don’t want to sound like I’m ragging on her but when you never see someone to ask its hard to know what to do. I’ve not exactly been doing well in the dating department for the last year.” He admitted ruefully. “Just trying to figure out what is me verses her. Me I can work on. Her? I have no control over that.” He said with a shrug as he regarded Elena quietly for a moment, “Sorry if this is a lot to drop on you. I just need someone to bounce ideas off of and you’re the most honest person I know.”

Word Count: 436
Tag: Elena
Notes: He's trying to walk that line as a friend who needs help but doesn't want to dump too much on her.

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[Elena Isobel Gilbert]

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She knew Matt more than most people and because of that she saw through the fake smile. She could see the attempt to force himself to put on a brave face even though he wanted nothing more than to scream out at the injustice of the world. Or maybe that was her contributing her own thoughts and fears and desires onto him. She didn’t regret meeting Stefan or allowing him into her life…how could she? He saved her life and because of that she would always be grateful. However it was more than that. She had never truly known love…not like she did now…until he had swooped into her life.

There were more days than not though that she regretted dragging her friends into the mix. She didn’t know exactly how she could have kept them out of it however maybe it would have been better if once she got into a serious relationship with Stefan if she would have pushed her friends away. She often wondered if she was selfish to want both parts of her world. The supernatural with Stefan and the normal with her friends. Well, her friends weren’t so normal anymore with the witch best friend, the vampire other best friend, the medium brother and the pseudo-medium ex boyfriend.

She smiled a sad smile though she didn't want it to be as obvious as it was. "I know what that's life." She stated, motioning to the town square with a flick of her hand. "It's weird...running for your life one night and the next day sitting in class wondering how you got to this point. I get it...believe me...I get it." She stated before laughing a small laugh. "Besides, it's not like we've met a Spanish speaking vampire yet. You never know, we might one day and your knowledge of verb tenses might save the day!" She stated teasingly.

She shook her head and shrugged. "I saw her while I was swimming the other day but I had to bolt. I haven't seen her since and I tried to text her a few times but with no response. I don't think it's you that she flaked on...I think she just got busy." She stated soothingly, hoping that she was right. If April hurt Matt she'd not be a happy person. Elena had always cared for the younger girl but Matt was someone that she would always be loyal to in that respect.

"Matt, never apologize for needing someone to talk to. Do you remember last year when I was upset and you told me that I could talk to you? I made some comment about not talking to you about boy problems and you said it wasn't like we weren't best friends for years. The same still holds true Matt. I'm here for whatever you need me for." She told him, her brown eyes open and honest. "No matter what I'm doing, I'll drop it if you need me." She stated with a soft smile.

Word Count:: 534
Tag:: Matt Donovan
Outfit:: Click here for Elena’s Outfit
Note:: I am so sorry I’m so slow right now. Between work, school and computer problems it’s difficult to get things done! <3

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[donnovan]

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Matt ducked his head. This was the uncomfortable thing about Elena. She knew him too well and when they were together it was great but now…it felt weird. It was like being reminded of what he could never have and it kind of sucked. But this was the time to be an adult and work past that. After all, they lived in the same town. Even if he could he wouldn’t avoid Elena. He just couldn’t.

He just really did not know what to do about conversations like this. Mostly he had the urge to just be by himself but that wasn’t an option just now. “Yeah. Somehow I doubt my verb tenses are going to save you from a rampaging Spanish vampire but I’d try.” He chuckled. To the other he didn’t know what to say. She was right. There was just something wrong with having to go to school the day after you nearly die. You should be getting congratulations and a day off but instead you have to take a trig test that you never got time to do a last cram session for. Given how being human seemed to be something that was getting rarer in town he had to resist the urge to just ditch class and hang out for some down time.

It sucked being Joe normal in a town of supernaturals. Sometimes he wondered if he wasn’t the rarity in town with how many vampires and werewolves were living here. “Yeah, well my track record isn’t that great.” He said sheepishly as he looked at her with a bit of a lost puppy dog look. “I don’t want you to drop everything for me, Elena. There is stuff that is way more important than my problems. You need to focus on that. Its important you not be distracted. Especially with what you deal with.”

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[Elena Isobel Gilbert]

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She briefly wondered if Matt ever thought what might have been. She knew that she had and while she didn't regret anything about her relationship with Stefan she knew that it could have been so easy for her and Matt to go to college together, get married and have a couple kids together. It might never have been the explosive love that she and Stefan had but she would not have regretted that life either. She knew that the night of her parents car accident she had questioned whether or not she and Matt should stay together but she knew herself back then well enough to know that she would have stayed with him because she did love him, just not in the way that she wanted to. And she had wanted too…so badly that it had hurt.

The brunette noticed with a sad smile that even though he was laughing that his eyes weren't sparkling like they used to. She knew that this was her fault as she had been the one to drag him into it. Okay, so technically it had been Caroline but it was because of her and Stefan and Damon that Caroline had been turned by Katherine so really everything that had happened since then had been an extension of that. She felt the guilt well up inside her and she fought the urge to give Matt some empty words of advice before making an even more empty excuse and leaving. She doubted he would call her on it either because it seemed like he wanted to be alone too and yet she hadn’t thought about that before she burst her way into his space and forced him to talk to her.

She shook her head however stopped halfway through as she realized she was doing it and instead looked away for a moment, trying to think of a way to make them both less uncomfortable.

His next sentence though caused her to stop looking away and instead shooting him a glare that would have made a lesser man run away in fear. "Matt, you are one of my best friends. You and I have known each other since we were kids. My stuff might be different but it is in no way more important than yours. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you right now being in this town. Hell I am still human but I know that my birth itself was supernatural being the doppelganger...and I can't regret being in this mess because of the people that I love...but you and I are different. You didn't have to be involved in all this...and the fact that you choose to be...your stronger than anyone I know Matt. So don't tell me not to drop everything for you. I'd do it in a heartbeat."

Word Count:: 508
Tag:: Matt Donovan
Outfit:: Click here for Elena’s Outfit
Note:: Woot! This didn’t take me nearly as long as I was afraid it would due to being off for a couple days.

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[donnovan]

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He could tell something was bothering Elena and he wished he was on better terms so he could ask her what was bothering her. He didn’t have that right, though. He lost that after this summer. He knew he had to keep it cool and not bug her about it. It was an interesting dance they had to do. They each had points where they were prickly and where they could talk to each other. The Supernatural was a difficult point because it involved her romantic life and it was hard for Matt not to be opinionated about it. Not that he wanted to order Elena about, no man could do that but there were times when he was worried for her. Worried for what might happen to her because her attachment to Stefan. If he hadn’t gone back to being a nice guy things could have gotten really ugly.

He had to trust Elena to do the right thing. He couldn’t expect her to wrap herself in cotton and hide from the world. She’d pretty much guarantee she would be in the think of every supernatural thing for the rest of her life no matter how long that might be. “Vicki caused me to be in this mess. Damon caused me to be in this mess. You did not, Elena. After Vicki died my life changed but that is not your fault.” He exhaled and shook his head as he regarded her. His eyes were sad whenever he spoke of her and probably always would be.

That was the one thing the both of them shared. They both had family that had died. It was a rotten thing to have in common with someone but there it was. “I’m just trying to get through school. I used to think I’d get a football scholarship but with my grades who can say?” he shrugged his shoulders and put them in his jacket. “I’d like to go to school but I can’t afford it on my own.

Words: 338
Tagged: Elena
Notes: They really are cute as friends.

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[Elena Isobel Gilbert]

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The sun shone through the small cracks of the gazebo roof, and Elena basked softly in the soft sun. She knew that sun was fatal to vampires and for some reason that made her feel safer within the confines of the sunlight…though in all reality it didn’t matter much anymore. It seemed that more and more vampires these days somehow had gotten their hands on a daylight ring and she briefly made a mental note to speak with Bonnie about finding a way to de-spell the ring without the original caster. It would definitely make things easier for them being that every original could walk in the sun and so could Katherine and numerous others that she had helped along the way.

It also didn’t help that hybrids were immune to the whole sun thing meaning that all the hybrids that Klaus had turned not only had the ability to turn into a werewolf and use that to infect vampires with their deadly bite, however it also meant that they could walk through the sunlight and kill as many humans as they wanted without remorse or any sort of magical help. Not that she doubted that Klaus would find someone to make them all daylight rings had he so wished however it would make things easier for everyone for the time being at least had they not been immune to it.

Forcing herself back to the present she turned her attention away from all the craziness in her mind and back to the man seated next to her. It was weird calling Matt a man since for so long he was her boyfriend or just a boy that she was best friends with. However over the past year all of them had been forced to grow up from girls and boys to women and men. "It's because of me though that Damon and Stefan stayed in town." She told him with a sad smile. "Stefan would have never stayed had I not looked like Katherine and Damon would have never stayed had Stefan not stayed. So in all actuality, my birth, my being Katherine's doppelganger...caused all of this mess." She stated firmly, though inside she wanted to vomit at the knowledge that while she hadn't asked for this...it was because of her.

"Matt you can get a football scholarship if you really want. And you know I'll help you anyway I can." She told him with a soft smile gracing her lips. Her parents had left she and Jeremy very well off. Not only did they both have trust funds that became active the day they both turned 19 (for some reason they had chosen 19 rather than 18...who knew) but they also had both their parents’ large life insurance policies and the house was paid for. Neither of them had to worry about money and she could easily help her friends should she chose to do so...and for Matt...she would.

Word Count:: 507
Tag:: Matt Donovan
Outfit:: Click here for Elena’s Outfit
Note:: Long wait again…sorry.

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[donnovan]

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He could tell Elena had a lot on her mind by the long lulls in their conversations. Not that he really minded, after all a person you were friends with generally matched the tone of the conversation to you. You just synched up and it was good. He chose to focus on his textbooks while she went wool gathering, not really sure he wanted to know what she was thinking. After all, it wasn’t like he could offer any real advice for a lot of what went on. He could be a guide on ethics but the rest was up to Elena and she seemed to have the ethics thing down anyway.

“Elena, you didn’t cause this. Things would have happened whether you were here or not. Sometimes places just draw things and people in. Its not anything you did or didn’t do and you had no control over who your parents were any more than any of the rest of us. It seems to me like you are handling things pretty well. I just feel like I’m getting lost in the crowd I guess. Like I’m the guy with a big bulls-eye on his chest for people to go save. Its hard to adjust to. I’m used to protecting other people not other people having to look after me. I mean with Mom being gone so much I got used to taking care of things on my own.” Matt did not know where he fit in any more and it made it hard for him. He exhaled slowly and sighed.

“Yeah I know I can get a scholarship, but if I fail out of my senior year it won’t matter, Elena.” He said ruefully as he glanced at his textbook and did his best to try and cheer up. I’ve just had a lot to adjust to this year and some days its hard.” He shrugged and shook his head lightly.

Words: 322
Tagged: Elena
Notes: No worries.

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[Elena Isobel Gilbert]

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“Matt you do protect us. Maybe not physically but emotionally. You have been there for me, for Caroline, for Bonnie, for Jeremy…all of us. You are our tie to the regular world and that may not be what you want to hear but it’s true. It would be so easy for Caroline to get lost in the sea of vampirism…yet she stayed and tried as hard as she could to be human for you. I have had more than a couple offers to be turned but because of you, Alaric and Jeremy…I refused.” She stated firmly. “You are one of my best friend’s Matt and never feel like you are being lost in the crowd. And I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like that.”

She sighed and shook her head, noting the time on her phone with a frown. She had to go and talk with her new boss. She had recently picked up a small job at the Pathaways magic shop in Richmond. It had not been her first choice however the older woman, Julie, who ran the store was as sweet as anything and she understood Elena’s work hours plus the fact that her cousin was ill and she often had to take time off unexpectedly. Yes, the last part was a lie but Elena had to warn the nice woman that she wouldn’t always be the most reliable due to unavailability of the supernatural kind.

“You won’t fail out of your senior year Matt.” She told him sternly. “You know that I’m here to help if you need it. So is everyone else. And the next time that a crisis comes up I will try my damndest not to involve you as I don’t want you to put your life on hold or stop it for that matter because of all this craziness.” She told him sadly, hating that her even being born had put his life into such chaos. Why did she have to be born as Katherine Pierce’s doppelganger?

Noting the time again she sighed. “I hate to cut this short but I got a new job in Richmond and I have to meet my boss in a half an hour. How about we get together this week once we’ve all taken a breather and gotten our homework beaten into submission and go out to dinner. Just me and you, sound like a plan?” She asked and once he agreed she leaned over and pressed her lips to his cheek in a firm friendly kiss. “Call me later.” She told him and sped off towards her car, knowing she would be cutting the time extremely short.

Word Count:: 470
Tag:: Matt Donovan
Outfit:: Click here for Elena’s Outfit
Note:: With Pandora threading I figured this was a good place to end it. <3

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[ADMIN ASHLEY]