My Dearest Elena, Stefan Salvatore

[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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My Dearest Elena

Back Entries:
1912:
Damon has lost his way. Though I have pulled my own life together, he continues to waste his. His bitterness consumes him. He is nothing but blackness and bile.

March 12 1922:
I have blacked out days. I wake up with stranger’s blood. Places I don’t recognize. With women I don’t remember. I feel alive again.

There are no rules here. Nothing matters anymore. Chicago is a place teeming with life and pulsing with people, I have only imagined meeting, drinking with as well as enjoying.

There is a woman who is intriguing. She has ....hair and is ... danger.

April 1922:
Lexi found me last night. Dragged me off the train tracks. Thinks she can make me care again.

June 1924:
Lexi’s driving me crazy. More animal blood. What misery.

1935:
Cravings are there, but it’s easier. Lexi’s onto her next project – getting me to laugh.

2009:
For over a century I have lived in secret; hiding in the shadows, alone in the world. Until now. I am a vampire. This is my story... I shouldn't have come home. I know the risk. But I had no choice. I have to know her.

I lost control today. Everything I've kept buried inside came rushing to the surface. I'm simply not able to resist her.

I had a plan. I wanted to change who I was, create a life as someone new, someone without the past. Someone alive............

They follow you. You can't escape them - as much as you want to.

I am awake. For the first time in a long time, I feel completely and undeniably wide awake. I welcome the day. Because I know I will see her again.

There must be a shred of humanity left inside my brother. Somewhere. I keep hoping but how do I make him see it? How do I protect her?

I thought there was hope. That somewhere deep inside something in Damon was still human. Love. But I was wrong. There is nothing human left in Damon. No good. No kindness. No Love. Only a monster that must be stopped.

The real animal is still out there waiting for me challenging me to fight back to stop him. But how do I fight the monster without becoming one myself?

I did what I had to do to protect Elena. To protect everyone. Yes Damon the headline reads deadly beast captured. All is well in Mystic Falls.

Stefan

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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Dear Journal

Its been a while since Elena has even texted me. I decided to text her today, to tell her my point of view. Its so hard leaving your emotions on when your like me, all she has to do is ask Damon. But she doesn't understand, she will never understand, not till I show her.

That's the only way, I have to help her. Once she turns and I teach her, she will understand just how awesome it feels.

Stefan

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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Dear Journal

My birthday is coming up. I know that Lexi has something planned. She always does. I just don't know what yet, and how I should react. I might be able to turn my emotions on, just for that day, just so I don't seem like a scrooge to her. She is my best friend after all, and will probably go through a lot of trouble, I just hope she doesn't try to talk me out of what I'm doing, she might think I am being an... idiot, and maybe she is right. Maybe I really need this. Then again......

Oh, Elena is still ignoring my text's. Part of me wants to think that I don't blame her one bit. The other part of me thinks she is being stubborn. She will come around, I know she will! In the mean time, I'm having to much fun to care. That last girl was really... tasty, gave me a wicked spot of heartburn though. Hahahahaha.

Stefan

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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Dear Journal

So I have had a really interesting weekend so far. First Damon wants to meet up for drinks, we all know how that was gonna turn out, then Lexi wanted to meet up for my birthday.

I can't believe after all I put Elena through, that Lexi would even want to see me. That's why I suspect her motives aren't purely wanting to make my birthday a "Happy" one.

Stefan

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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Dear Journal

Lately I haven't been able to control my emotions. most of the time, they are off, but when it comes to certain people, Damon, Lexi, Elena, even Caroline, they come back on all of a sudden out of no where, flooding me with guilt, anger, sadness, and worst of all, love.

I think it all started when Damon and I met up for drinks a few days ago. I want it to stop. I have hurt to many people, I left a trail of bodies up and down the east coast. But worse then that, I have hurt all the people I cared about. MAKE...IT...STOP!!!!!!

Stefan

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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Dear Journal

Tonight I proved once and for all that I cant be trusted around Elena. Around anyone. I am a killer, always have been, always will be. I don't even know why I came back to Mystic falls for this party. It was stupid, and I wont be making that mistake again. I am leaving tonight, and I don't plan on returning, not for a long time anyways.

Stefan

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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Dear Journal

Tonight was so much fun! Damon and I are getting along for the first time in a long time. He is such a blast with his emotions off, we should of ran together back in the day, it shouldn't of taken us 150 years to not care anymore. That brunet was extremely tasty, though the Red Head and the Blonde were really fun to toy with as well. We are gonna crash the rave at the school next, but I know sooner or later we are gonna have to get out of Virginia, otherwise Lexi will come after us.

Stefan

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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Dear Journal

So Damon and I finally arrived in Vegas today. It is strange that the only person I want to see right now is Damon. He knows things are just better with your humanity off. Still, as I lay here on this bed, staring at the body of the girl I consumed last night, I can't help but miss Elena.

OK, maybe not miss her, but think about her. No one has texted me sense the incident, I wonder if she is even alive? I'm only worried because if she is dead, then Klaus will soon be after me, and well, I don't want him to rip my heart out. He wont mind if I feed on her, so long as she lives. I think that no news is good news at this point...

Sorry have to go now, the hooker who was taking a shower wants round two... I will kill her afterwords....

Stefan

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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Dear Journal

It seems like forever since I wrote in you. Looking back at my previous entries, I have to hate myself. I have done some pretty messed up stuff, to Elena, to Lexi, to everyone, even complete strangers. I was horrible, I didn't want to feel, and now I feel to much. I know turning my emotions back on was a good thing, but its so horrible. The thing that is keeping me focused and willing to keep them on, is Elena. I don't want to hurt her any more, and I never want to hurt her again.

Stefan

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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My Dearest Elena

I have got to earn their trust and forgiveness back. Starting with Elena. She is the one I hurt the most, and she is the one I must get to love me once more. That is why I have a special surprise planned for her. I know it is a long road ahead and I hope that this will be the first step in showing her that I am back, and that I will always love her.

Stefan Salvatore

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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My Dearest Elena

Caroline finally seems to be coming around and doesn't completely hate my guts anymore. I guess I didn't realize how much she needed and cared about me. She really is a good friend and I am glad to have her back in my life. I need all the support I can get after the things I did. Lexi seems to trust me a little more to, but it is slow going. She still wont leave Elena and me alone, she is afraid I am gonna hurt her. I guess I am afraid to.

Stefan Salvatore

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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My Dearest Elena

I recently began calling you Elena. She is all I have to hold on to. She is all I have that is keeping me from killing myself. Sure, Caroline and Lexi will miss me, and maybe, just maybe, I always hoped so anyways, Damon would shed at least one tear for me if I died. But they will get over it. They will move on with their lives, I love them, but they would be better off without me. They would be better off not having to worry about me. About when will I go off the deep end again? When will I kill again?

Elena is different. She would not be better off without me, as strange as it sounds. She won't get over me, she will mourn me to much, and I fear to think what she would do if she found out I was dead. Its just to horrible to think about. So I force on, for her. Yeah I am pissed at Klaus for what he did to me, to all of us. But revenge isn't why I am back to myself. I am back because of her, cause of love. Does Elena deserve better then me has been my question since I turned them back on. I cannot answer cause I dread to think about it.

Stefan Salvatore

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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My Dearest Elena

Last night Elena gave you to me. I promised her I would write down our night in it. She came over, looking as beautiful as ever, we talked, we kissed, we held each other. We drank champagne and sat in the candle light and listened to music. It was one of the most romantic nights of my life.

I love Elena, with all my heart.

Stefan Salvatore

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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My Dearest Elena

The last time I saw Damon, we were both in Las Vegas without a care in the world. Sure its Damon, and he probably doesn't want to see me. Sure he will probably tell his little brother to get a life. I can't leave it how we left it. Maybe its a mistake to cross that bridge right now, but I have to. I did everything for him and now we are not even speaking. There was a time, before we turned, when we were Inseparable. I am sorry if wanting that back with him is a bad thing. If this is my last entry, then its probably cause Damon ripped my head off, Literally.

Stefan Salvatore

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[Stefan Demetrio Salvatore]

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My Dearest Elena

There is something up with Lexi and Damon. First Lexi texts me telling me she is gonna kill Damon, then I catch them at the beach BBQ together being... friendly. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this, and I have to tell you now, my previous plans to reconcile with Damon may have to be put on hold, if he is hooking up with my best friend...

Stefan Salvatore

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