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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on Feb 8, 2013 21:49:59 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -She could see him thinking as she spoke and she could almost hear in her mind what he was thinking about. She knew that he still thought they had difference of opinions on him leaving Sunnydale, and in a way they did...but in they didn't as well. Taking her small hand she caressed his cheek, smiling up at him with innocence and love. If she would have seen herself in the mirror at that moment she would have thought that she was sixteen again instead of the twenty three year old she was now. It was an almost breathtaking sight to see and one that she didn’t even notice though anyone else would.
"Angel." She told him, her eyes staring into his with compassion. "I know that you still think leaving was the right thing to do. And in a way I agree with you and in a way I don't. We're not going to fight about it. I'm sure in an argument one day I'll throw it in your face, I can't promise I won't." She ruefully admitted, knowing how she was when her temper got the best of her. “But that doesn’t mean that a part of me doesn’t agree with you. I grew up when you left.” She stated before trying to think about how to word what she wanted to say in a way that wouldn’t sound bad but still make him understand.
Her mind drifted back to how she had felt when he first left. She remembered walking into her room after graduation and simply breaking down. Not many people had seen the blonde slayer truly break down in the way that she had that day and it was one of the many reasons that she was grateful she had talked her mom and Dawn (even though she knew now that Dawn hadn’t actually been there) into leaving town. They hadn’t come back until two days after graduation and luckily she had been able to at least hide her grief for the most part by then. It hadn’t left her by any stretch of the imagination but she had been able to mask it.
Starting college had been a hard thing for her, something that she truly hadn’t anticipated. She and her friends, Giles included, hadn’t been as close as they had been during in high school and it had taken Adam…and Spike for that matter to bring that to their attention, something that to this day he would remind her of every once in awhile just to get a rise out of her. However she had handled it all alone for the most part because she hadn’t had someone to run and complain to. She had missed it but it did give her the chance to learn how to depend on herself rather than always running to someone else for comfort. Unfortunately this was a point of contention between her and Riley since by the time the two had gotten together she had gotten used to depending on no one else but herself and he had desperately wanted her to depend on him.
When Riley left it just solidified her knowledge of needing to take care of herself. Then with her mom and Dawn, things just forced her to grow up even faster than she had already been. Being brought back to life by those that she loved hadn’t been a picnic, especially when it was then that she started to fall back into old bad habits. She had leaned on Spike in a way that she had never been able to lean on Angel because while she may have been able to go to Angel for anything emotional, back then she couldn’t use him as a physical release, nor would she have wanted to because that would have cheapened what they had. With Spike though it was easy to let lose since she didn’t need to worry about his feelings. Well, she should have but she hadn’t at the time, something that to this day she did still feel guilty about.
Taking a deep breath she hadn’t realized her eyes had drifted from her lover’s face as she turned them back up to meet his. “When you were in Sunnydale, before my seventeenth birthday, I could count on you. I could rely on you to be there when I needed someone to talk to, someone to rant to, someone to cry to. That day, the day that I smashed the Master’s bones, right after I got back from being at my dad’s over the summer. You holding me that day as I cried in front of everyone, that meant more to me than you will ever know. Even then I knew that you weren’t big on showing your feelings in front of an audience because of whom and what you were, but you threw that away to comfort me…and that was something that I clung to a lot.” She told him, her eyes on him but with a faraway look that told him that she was lost in her memories.
“Then we made love, and it was the best night of my life. You know what happened next and I won’t rehash it…but losing you…it was one of the hardest things that I had ever gone through to date. Then I had you back for a whole two minutes and I realized what I had to do. I ran away that summer, I don’t know if I ever told you that. I couldn’t deal, I couldn’t process everything that I had done, and everything that I had lost. Then I come back, get ready to say to goodbye to you, and all of a sudden you were back, and weak, and needed me. In that time while you healed I fell back into that pattern where even though I knew we couldn’t be together, I still wanted to tell you everything, wanted to share with you everything that I knew I shouldn’t. Yet we were both still so hesitant about everything. Anytime we even got remotely close one of us would pull away and things would be awkward for days. It was heaven and hell wrapped up into one, but I still had you. And then you decided to leave, and I thought I would die because of how much pain I was in when I had to watch you walk away.” She continued on.
“But I didn’t. I didn’t die from it, I grew up because of it. I hate that I had go through that. I hate that I missed so much time with you and that I betrayed us because I was with other people…even though realistically I know that I was doing what you asked me to do. But at the same time I do think it was necessary. Do I like the fact that you were gone for so long? No. Do I like the fact that you left me for a normal life and then got together with other people? Hell no. Do I like the fact that I slept with your grand childe and hurt you? No. But do I regret the things that brought us to where we’re standing now? No. I can’t. Because I don’t know what would have happened if you had been there during some of those times.” She stated before shaking her head. “No, I do know. We wouldn’t be here. Because if you had been there when Glory had taken Dawn…you would have sacrificed yourself for me.” She told him, knowing inside that she was right. “I know you Angel, and I know better than anyone that you would have bitten me, taken in just a small amount of my blood, and you would have jumped. Which means that I wouldn’t be resurrected and we wouldn’t be standing here.” She told him, her hand still caressing his cheek.
“So I can’t be mad at you for leaving, because it brought us to where we are now. Standing here on an ice rink, wearing rings that I thought were long gone, while people that we love and protect are at home arguing about what movie to watch. Yeah we have a lot of shit to deal with and I can guarantee that there will be many more times that we fight and argue, but I don’t doubt that we’ll get through it…because you and I together? We’re stronger.” She finished, knowing that while normally she didn’t have a way with words like Angel did, she felt as if she had delivered her point.
Hearing that he had planned on coming back she bit her lip, not really knowing what she should say. “Well I planned on going to Los Angles and either chaining you up in the car and dragging you back or simply kicking your ass, but neither one happened. We can’t live in the past any longer Angel. We’ve got to live for the now and for the future. I don’t know what that’ll bring…but I do know that we’ll handle it together. Think about everything that we’ve gotten through? What could really tear us apart now?” She asked, hoping that he wouldn’t be able to think of anything that could truly break them apart. She didn’t want to lose him. She couldn’t. She knew that they would have arguments, fights, and god knows they’d probably kick each other’s asses more than necessary but she also knew that she would do whatever she could, fight whatever she had to, to keep them together.
His next words though broke her heart a tiny bit while still giving her a warm feeling. Running a finger over his lips she leaned up and placed a brief kiss directly on his cheek before lowering herself back down to the ground. “There has always been a place for you. You’ve always had my heart Angel, no matter what I said or did to make you think the contrary. You’re place has always been next to me. Just like it always will be. But I understand why you didn’t think so.” She stated before taking a deep breath, getting ready to expose another secret of her own. “I came for you, twice, in Los Angeles. Two times that you weren’t aware of. Once was a couple months after the terrible Faith encounter. I had gotten so fed up with everything and I was just ready to be, I don’t know, I just needed to see you. I came to your hotel, the only time I was ever there actually. I asked around and found out that you guys had moved. Anyway I walked into the lobby but no one was around, so I heard voices and I followed them. Only to see all of you laughing, like really laughing, and that’s when I realized that you had a family…one that I wasn’t a part of. So I left and went home, putting on a happy face and just dealt with life.” She told him, a part of her still saddened at the fact that she was no longer his entire world. She knew it was selfish but there was still a large part of her that longed to be his only reason for being, as selfish as that was.
“The second time was right after…it was right after I came back actually. It was literally a day or two after I came back. I was half way to Los Angeles before I thought about it and realized that you had already mourned me, you had already dealt with my death. So why was I going to show up and barge into your life again and then leave, and you get word in another year that I was dead. Why not just let you move on?” She asked him, wondering if he would be mad at knowing that she had every intention of not telling him that she was alive. “And then I get that phone call, only to find out that Willow had called Cordelia and told her that I was alive. And I was so grateful that I didn’t have to keep it from you, but a small part of me has always wondered if it would have been better if you would have thought I had stayed dead.” She told him, knowing in her mind that it was no longer a concern but not being able to help herself with telling him.
“I’m as done as I’ll ever be.” She answered him, not wanting to elaborate as she leaned up and pressed another kiss to his all too kissable lips, never wanting to part from him.
Word Count:: 2,148
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s Outfit
Note:: Uh…Sorry? I really have no idea how the hell this got so long other than Buffy took control and just wanted to talk.
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Post by angel on Feb 21, 2013 20:10:49 GMT -6
The innocence on the slayer's face was breathtaking at the moment. Despite her years of battle and even perishing several times, she was still as beautiful as ever. Although there were creases underneath her eyes and in the corner of her forehead, she was still just as beautiful to him as she'd always been. There was something about her that was simply hypnotizing to him. A look in her eye that always drew him in, made him forget about anything bad that had ever happened. Those hazel eyes made his worry disappear, they comforted him, and within them he felt the love that he knew was between them. At this moment he couldn't look away, and he found himself trapped in her beauty. As her hand reached up to touch his cheek he found himself leaning further into his touch. It was something that he craved...that he'd always craved since their first kiss. He'd longed to see her happy like this for a long time and the fact that he was the cause of it made him feel proud.
Tilting his head further into his touch, he blinked. "Buffy." Just saying their names seemed to communicate so much more between the two of them. It said things they normally wouldn't say...or in some cases, things they couldn't say. However when she said it this time he had the feeling it was because she was going to disagree with him. Every so often she used that tone...and he knew it well. However he wasn't going to argue with her on a night like this. The two argued well often enough and they didn't need to ruin their seemingly perfect night with a petty argument. "It's not like you haven't used it against me before..." he told her honestly, though he wasn't spiteful about it. Honestly he didn't blame her for wanting to use it against him. It'd hurt her, and it'd hurt him to hear it. The two tended to go big during their arguments and always had. It was a terribly sad habit of theirs.
Still, he pressed on and continued to listen. At least she was half agreeing with him on it being for the best that he'd left. That had to be worth something, didn't it? He nodded agreeably to the fact that she'd definitely grown up since he'd left. It was true, and he'd witnessed it with his own eyes before. She'd changed a lot and she'd learned how strong she could truly be. If he would have stayed she might not have grown up as much as she did, and she might not be as strong of a woman as she currently was. He knew there was going to be a 'but' at the end of this though, and so he tilted his head and shifted his weight onto the other foot while he waited for it. It was coming sooner or later...and when it did, he would be prepared for it. He'd be ready.
The 'but' didn't come as soon as he thought it would have. Instead the slayer seemed to drift off into her own thoughts. Whatever it was she was thinking hardly about it. Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment and she looked down. All the while Angel continued to look at the outside of her eyelids even though she wasn't looking at him. Eventually she turned her eyes back up to look into his, and his were right there waiting to meet hers. He would always wait to meet her eyes...until the end of the earth. Finally it came and he knew he was in for the long haul. The slayer never seemed to run out of breath, but that was honestly just fine with him. Her voice was soothing to him and he actually preferred to just listen to her most of the time. Buffy knew that he wasn't much of a talker for the most part and she'd always been okay with that.
However he couldn't help but interject quickly when she took a pause. He was going to let her continue but he had to say something before she continued and he forgot. "We both clung to each other. We were each other's...crutches." It wasn't something that he regretted because truth be told he'd never been that close to anyone other than her and he was thankful for that. Cordelia had come pretty damn close but she'd always been more of a best friend than anything else. While a part of him had loved her, it just wasn't the same. No one came close to what he had with this blonde slayer and no one ever would. Angel shook his head. "You never told me, but others did..." he murmured softly. He could only imagine how closed off and lonely she felt. How depressed...how confused and how utterly unhappy and that only made him feel guilty. Even though he really didn't have any control over it he still felt badly.
As soon as him being with 'other people' came up he knew exactly what she was talking about; Cordelia. He wouldn't ever live that down...not in his entire eternity. What Buffy needed to understand is that Cordelia is and was a part of Angel's life. He didn't like the fact that she was with Spike, but it's a part of her life. Neither of them can take any of that back now, only can they move on with their lives and push forward. Still he wished it wouldn't be brought up so often. Oh well, eventually he'd get over it. His brows creased and he looked down briefly, not wanting to be reminded of the late Cordelia Chase.
With Buffy's hand on his cheek he nodded lightly. They both knew he would have done whatever he could have to keep her alive. He would have been gone again...and she would never have died. A part of him felt that it would have been better that way. It would have been less painful for the both of them. Then again they wouldn't be together...so at the same time it would have been even worse. Situations like the ones being spoken about tended to be far more complicated than they appeared. Again he nodded. "We are." It was short and to the point, but he was pretty sure the look in his eyes as he cast them onto hers said all that he needed to say. It held all of his emotions and his thoughts...he didn't need to talk as much as she did.
Pretending to think about her question he ended up shaking his head after a moment. "Nothing. We'll never be apart...If I have anything to say about it." With this he leaned in and kissed the top of her forehead, before pulling back to look into her eyes once again.
At her confession he creased his brows again, thinking back to the days in Los Angeles. "There was a time when I thought I could feel you...I've always been able to feel you. It's nice to know I'm not crazy after all..." he said with a slight smirk, before lifting her chin up with his fingers. "Regardless of how happy I appeared...there was always something missing in Los Angeles. You Buffy...you were always missing. No matter what you think, you could never, and were never replaced in my heart. Everyone knew that, especially me." By everyone he was trying to suggest Cordelia without saying her name. He knew Buffy thought of Cordelia as another one of his loves...but it wasn't the same. She never lived up to his love for Buffy and they both knew it. He didn't want the Slayer to feel insecure about anything with him.
Pulling his hand away from her face, a look of hurt seemed to flash across his handsome features. "It wouldn't have been better. I needed to know, Buffy...I was so lost when you were gone..." It almost seemed as if his brown orbs were going to tear up and he forced them to hold back the tears. Angel wasn't one to cry nor was he one to show an extreme amount of emotion. It simply wasn't his way of things. But he had been lost while she'd been gone...He'd been so lost. He'd spent months in a Tibetan Monastery and still hadn't been able to find himself. It wasn't until he knew that she'd returned and he'd seen her that he was at peace again.
Drawing his eyes into hers, he sighed. "The night we saw each other, when you came back...When we talked...It was so hard to part at the end of the night. I never wanted to lose you again, and I felt like if I let you out of my sight that it was going to happen...It killed me to watch you walk away." It was true, and he'd had half a mind that night to kidnap her and keep her at his side at all times. It wasn't that she wasn't capable of protecting herself. More so he wasn't sure if he could handle her going back out into the world alone after what had happened to her. He wasn't sure if he could watch her walk away...Angel had been too afraid that he'd never see her again.
"So don't ever think it would have been better to keep it from me." Simple and to the point, his voice was stern almost as if scolding her for even thinking such a thing. He would have been as lost as ever if he'd never found out again. And then if he'd found out later that she'd hid it from him...Well he would have been more hurt than he'd been in his two hundred plus years.
A lighter turn in conversation came when they spoke of her being cookies, and he was overjoyed to hear that she was done baking. Although she didn't elaborate he knew exactly what it meant for both of them. They were going to be together once again and this time...they wouldn't ever part. At least not until death and well he didn't frankly want to think of that option. No, more or less he wanted to live thinking that they'd always be together. The day that he outlived her he would shatter and break. His soul would be broken and honestly...he wasn't sure if he'd be able to go on. It'd be a long time coming now that he was here with her, but it would still have to happen eventually. And when it did? Well it would kill him when it finally did happen.
There had to be some way around that, and he would find it sooner or later. Right now however he simply wanted to enjoy the night they were having. So far they'd been lucky enough to avoid any interruptions or distractions. No one had called either of them with a new catastrophe. No demons had shown up on the scene to attempt to assassinate either one of them, and no one had screamed nearby signalling that they needed help. Now if they could only finish the entire night without such interruptions it would definitely be a perfect night.
In the background the lights that surrounded the rink shone and reflected off the ice. It cast against her hazel eyes and made them look a bit more green tonight, something that he didn't mind. The moon twinkled in her eyes and seemed to lighten his a bit as he looked into hers. However his eyes always seemed to be lighter around her. He wasn't sure if anyone else had ever really realized that but him, but they truly did seem lighter. Although it probably sounded cheesy (though he didn't say it aloud) he figured it was because his soul came out more around her. She brought out all the love and warmth that was within him, though some would disagree with that. It was simply speculation but he honestly felt it was his love shining through his eyes for her. He didn't speak much verbally but his eyes told all of his true feelings for the most part.
Once again their lips met and he found himself pulling her in, his hands wrapping around the small of her back. He felt he might have been holding her too hardly as her feet lifted slightly off the ground, but he made no notion to let her go. Their kiss turned from sweet to passionate in less than seconds and soon, he felt himself losing himself in the passion. For the first time in a while Angel was genuinely happy, and he only had one person to thank for that.
Buffy. His Slayer. His Soulmate. They belonged to each other. Forever, because that's the whole point.
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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on Feb 22, 2013 9:31:56 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -Hearing her name pass by his lips had always been an almost religious experience for her. He spoke more volumes in that one word, her name, than most did in entire conversations. She knew that the two of them had an uncanny way of communicating with one another, they always had. They never truly said hello to one another either. It was something that they had always done, even when they first met. She smiled in remembrance of their first meeting, him landing on his back in an alley way. Is there a problem ma’am? Yeah there’s a problem. Why are you following me. I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry…I don’t bite. She could still remember her first thoughts of him. Something inside her called out to him and yet she hadn’t noticed it at first. She knew that he felt strange yet almost familiar, though didn’t learn until her eighteenth birthday that it was because he had been near her numerous times since the day that she was called.
She lowered her head shamefully when he told her that she had thrown him leaving into his face before. “I know.” She told him honestly, her eyes staring down at her skates rather than into his gorgeous brown eyes. Taking a deep breath she reminded herself once more that she was an adult and that she had to stop running anytime something hurt her. She needed to face it head on as she did with all of her other issues. The situation however with Angel was different. As she told Willow once before. It’s Angel so that automatically means maxi-wig. Taking another cleansing breath she looked back up to him, his eyes catching hers as she did. “I may be older now Angel but I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t still hurt and that a small part of me isn’t still afraid that one day you’ll decide I deserve something better and leave me again.” She answered honestly, not wanting him to hurt him but wanting…no…needing to be honest.
“That doesn’t mean that I don’t see why it was a good thing, but hurt, pain, passion, and love…none of them are ever logical. Think about it. If love was logical, would we be in love? No. One of us would have killed the other one that night in the alley way. But we didn’t. Something was there before we had even uttered a word to each other. The same goes for hurt. I logically know that you had a right to leave and that I needed to know what I wanted by testing other things. But that doesn’t stop the hurt from watching you walk away. I have been in love with you since I was sixteen years old and I don’t see that stopping…ever.” She told him, desperately wanting nothing more than to tell him that she would be by his side forever because she would not die, however tonight was not the night for that. She knew that she would cry and scream and rage over that particular bit of news when she finally did break down and tell him but tonight was not the night for sad tears.
“You’re still someone who I want to lean on. But I also know now that I can stand by myself. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a simple girl…well…depending on who you ask. I want someone to hold me at night. I want someone to tell me that they can keep me safe because I know more than anyone how hard that promise is to make. I just want someone to love me and you do. I can lean on you when I need to without worrying that as soon as something comes up I’ll immediately have to bury my feelings and take down the bad guy. Not that I probably won’t do that anyway but I know that I don’t have too. However before you left. No. Before my seventeenth birthday…I went to you for everything. God I remember how many things I should have gone to Giles about but I went to you first because I trusted you more than anyone. That trust hasn’t faltered. Not once. But after my birthday…and after you came back from hell…I stopped running to you. But that didn’t mean that I stood on my own either. I would go to Giles or my friends, but I still leaned on you whether you knew it or not. I would still come to the mansion and while I might not talk about whatever was bothering me just being there with you, a lot of the time it gave me the strength I needed to get through whatever the hell was going on in my life at that moment. Whether it be parent stuff, school stuff, slayer stuff, boyfriend stuff. You still got me through it.” She continued on.
“And then Spike rolled into town…god I remember his speech more than I remember a lot of things in my life. You’re not friends. You’ll never be friends. You’ll be in love till it kills you both. You’ll fight and you’ll shag and you’ll hate each other until it makes you quiver but you’ll never be friends. Love isn’t brains children it’s blood, blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch but at least I’m man enough to admit it. When I came to the mansion the next day and told you that we couldn’t see each other anymore, my heart was screaming at me to not do what I did. The look on your face when you told me that you couldn’t accept me leaving, it broke something inside of me. When I told you that you had to tell me that you didn’t love me…I really didn’t know what I wanted to hear. Did I want to hear that you no longer loved me so that we could still be around one another? Or to hear you not say a word and be forced to leave?” She asked, knowing that she was rambling but all of this was stuff that needed to be said before she lost the will to say it…it had been kept inside much too long.
“The night that you left, after graduation, I went in my room and I cried. That conversation rang through my head for months afterwards. I kept asking myself why. Why you were so sure just less than a year before that we could be friends. Why you were willing to fight me on not seeing me any longer and then just a few short months later you were willing to give up so easily. I smiled and put on a good act, but it took me a long time to understand why. So I know that I’ve used it against you before and I’m sorry for that…and I’m sorry in advance if I ever use it against you again. But just know that deep down I do understand.” She finished, her hand caressing his cheek. Not many people got to touch him in the way that she had been privileged too…and she didn’t mean sexually. She knew that Angelus the demon and Liam the human had both been with many women. She hadn’t truly ever thought about it before until Willow commented on two centuries of dating but she had gotten over that a long time ago. What she cared about more was when he would close his eyes as she touched his face. How he would lean into her when they kissed, allowing her to be in charge for just a few moments in a way that he couldn’t lean on anyone else. The way that if she was laying in bed he would curl his arms around her and keep her safe, while also allowing her to keep him safe. They were equals in their relationship and no one else could say that about him.
She could see the interruption in his eyes and she smiled at him contently. "Shhh. I know and I'm not trying to bring other people into it. I know that you and I have our issues when it comes to who we were with. I don't like it, and I don't know if I will ever truly get over what either of us did. But I accept it. I accept that it's a part of you just like it's a part of me. We're here together and that's all that matters." She told him, though deep down she knew a small part of her was lying. She had gotten over the fact for the most part that Angel had slept with Darla. She was his sire. It bothered her more that she had bore his child but that was her own internal struggle that she would eventually have to come to term with. And she would, it would just take her awhile. What she hadn’t even begun to deal with was the Cordelia issue. However she knew that Angel probably hadn’t dealt well with the Spike issue even though he knew about Riley and Parker as well. Both of them had their issues but again they would deal with them.
“Try and let anyone come between us, even if that person is you or me. I trust you to tie my ass up and wait until my sanity reminds me why we belong together. And I make you this promise that if you ever get the bright idea that you are leaving me for my own good again you’ll find yourself on the end of a very pissed off slayer and a set of manacles that are magically enhanced that will not let you free until you agree with said pissed off slayer. Deal?” She asked him with a teasing grin.
Feeling him drop a kiss to her forehead she sighed into his broad chest, inhaling his clean spicy scent that was completely Angel. After he had left she had combed every store that she could think of trying to find the cologne that he wore simply to spray it on his leather jacket to feel closer to him at night since she didn’t sleep well for months after he left. She had never been able to find it and her question bubbled out but she tapped it down, instead making a mental note to investigate when he was sleeping the next time so he wouldn’t think she was a total freak…not that he didn’t already know that but at least she could save some of her dignity.
Laughing at his question for his sanity she gave him an impish grin. “Well let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. No one ever said you weren’t crazy. But you weren’t imagining me…at least if you felt me at the times I was there. If you didn’t then you’re crazier than normal and you’re supposed to stop me when I babble!” She told him, pinching his side playfully. Sobering when he told her that everyone knew that she was missing from beside him she knew exactly who he meant. The feeling like she needed to be honest with him welled up inside her again and she nodded. “I know the feeling. That’s one of the reasons that Riley left. Well, the main reason really. Everyone knew that I was not over you, nor would I probably ever get over you. Riley knew from the moment he met me but he realized it after…after Dracula bit me. He didn’t understand why you had such a hold on me. So he went and found himself some vampire chicks to bite him to see what exactly it was. He never understood why he wasn’t good enough. Honestly he was too good for me because I could never give him my heart when you had owned it since I was sixteen years old. And when he left, yeah I was upset…but more with the loss of my so called normal life that you wanted me to have…not because I had lost him.” She stated.
Feeling his hand move from her face she watched as a flash of hurt crossed across his face. It wasn't the first time that she had watched Angel hold back tears, nor would it have been the first time that she had seen him cry, but every time it happened it still amazed her that he was so open with her. She listened as he told her exactly what she had needed to hear for so long that she truly hadn't realized she was waiting for until now. A small weight released her heart because she hadn't known that it had hurt him to watch her walk away. He had given no outward indication that he had wanted her with him. Then again she wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind back then so she may have missed it. However she hadn't been willing to hope that this was the case.
"I didn't know. I honestly didn't even know that Willow had gone to Los Angeles to tell you until Dawn let it slip. She was babbling about something trying to calm me down right after and she said something about how everyone would be so relieved that I was back and how she or someone would call you and Giles and tell you two. It honestly never occurred to me that she would go to you. It should have but I knew you had your own life and I would have never wanted to ruin that." She continued on. "I think Giles wanted me to ask for your help. He told me in the beginning, right after we found out about Dawn, that I should send Dawn away. He said my father's but it was clear that he hadn't meant my father. I wouldn't do it though. Not only because I couldn't stand to watch my sister leave me as well, but because I would never want to burden you with my problems."
Letting her hand fall to his she grasped it, letting their rings clash together and the sound coming out louder in the stillness of the night. “It’s not that I didn’t want you to know. It was that I felt like if you were okay, if you had grieved for me and had moved on then I was going to let you. Realistically I knew even then that there was a good chance in six months my friends would be right back where they had just been, mourning my death. I’m a slayer and slayer’s don’t last long. And my thought was that I was already going to hurt my friends when I died again. Why hurt others if I didn’t have too? A part of me had wanted to keep it from Giles too but I was far too needy at that point not to need him. I didn’t know how to be an adult and I needed someone there to tell me what to do. Unfortunately that didn’t last long and for awhile I did think about if it would have been best if he hadn’t know either.” She stated bluntly, though not unkindly.
Hearing what he said she smiled. “I know that now. I know that realistically looking back on it I can see what would have happened had I not told you. You would have still come to help with the first evil because you are you…and you would have found me there and either freaked out or…no…you would have freaked out.” She stated with a small laugh. “So I know now that it was the right thing to do but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t think about it back then. And I know that I wouldn’t have had the strength to make that phone call had Willow not done it. I wasn’t in my right mind at that time in my life and I wasn’t thinking with a full deck. I had a nine of clubs and that was it.” She told him with a self deprecating smile.
Feeling his lips press against hers she closed her eyes, relishing in how he held her. She felt his strength in the bands of muscles around his arms and she reveled in it. He was strong, stronger than her depending on the day, and that wasn't something that most people could say. She loved that about him though because wrapped up in his arms she knew that she would always be safe and loved while in his embrace. Feeling the way he poured his love out to her she began to get a tad frightened of what this would turn into. Gently easing back she pressed one remaining kiss on his soft lips before wiggling her hips a little so she could essentially jump down out of his hold. "I think we should skate some more." She told him with a smile. "Before either of us becomes to happy." She stated, though the warning in her eyes was clear. They had to be careful.
Taking his hand she led him out into the center of the rink. Releasing his hand after giving him a squeeze she skated back over to where her purse was. She had noticed as they had skated around the first time that there was a little booth with a speaker and sound system in it. Pulling out the new iPod that Dawn had given her for Christmas she quickly pulled up a song and set it into the iPod dock and pressed play, letting the music rush over her. Skating back over to Angel she held out her hand, taking the lead on this one. “I know we can’t dance being that we’re on skates and all so this may sound hockey, but skate with me?” She asked, as familiar guitar strings played through the speakers as the words flowed through. Looking at him her eyes showed her vulnerability in that moment. Childhood living is easy to do the things that you wanted, I bought them for you
It didn't take long for the two to get lost in the music and once the song ended she looked up into her lover's brown eyes. "Let's go home." She told him softly before leading them out of the ice rink, wanting nothing than to stay by his side.
Word Count:: 3,107
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s Outfit
Note:: ….. I don’t even know. Do not ask, do not even ask. I tried to shut her up at the 1,000 mark…clearly she won that fight.
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Post by ADMIN BRITT on Feb 27, 2013 0:06:25 GMT -6
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