if i had it my way :: castiel

[Annabelle "Anna" Pearl Zhu]

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Why would God bring her back? Why would anyone bring her back? That was one thing that Anna did not understand. After all she had done. After all she had put Sam and Dean through. When looking back, Anna hated what she had become. What would killing Sam Winchester prove? What would going back in time to make sure that the boy with the demon blood was never born prove? Anna knew that she was wrong to do what she nearly did. It ended in her death. Michael had killed her. She should still be dead. Why would God want her for anything? She had acted like an evil bitch. Why couldn't things be like they once had? Back when she remembered who she was, when she had first met the boys.

It really just made know sense. No one done there knew that she was back. Dean and Sam had yet to find out. But to be completely honest, maybe they were both better off not knowing. They probably hated her, probably would try to kill her themselves. And Anna would not blame them in the least bit. She deserved everything that came her way. And she definitely did not deserve their forgiveness. Not in the least bit. But she still missed Dean. Thinking back to when the two kissed, had sex, her last night on Earth. Had been the best night of her life, as well. Anna missed that. She had really cared about Dean. And if it was not for everything that had happened or even the fact that she was an angel, maybe they could have had a relationship together, a life together. Anything could have been possible.

Did Castiel even know that she was back? That God brought her back, had a purpose for her? Did he still hate her? Would he ever be able to forgive her? He was more likely than Sam and Dean. Angels had a forgiving nature.

With a sigh, Anna could not help but peek down on Dean Winchester. She just could not control himself. She missed him, missed what could have been. And she had decided that she would not be showing herself to the Winchester boy. He was better off not knowing. Wasn't he? That was what Anna believed, at least.

383 Words
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[castiel]

There was a presence in the air, a light pressure that wouldn't have felt like more then soft rain on the skin were it weather. Expectant, sadness... things that Cas had not felt in a long time from such a place as they were coming from. He was, in essence, patrolling the perimeters of where the brothers were aiming to stay for the night, or rather the day as they spent their nights hunting and with their... respective girlfriends. Which, that alone was something new for Cas to wrap his mind around. Both had gone on respective rants about how they were hunters, hunters didn't settle down in one place, didn't form ties because that was a good way to get people killed. There was wisdom in this, but there was also stupidity; his Father had not made humans to be solitary creatures, He had in fact made very few of his creations to be ones that were left to their own devices, each group at the very least had it's own angel, someone to watch over them. Humans most of all, there had been a War about it after all.

It was the thought of the War, the Great War that gave Castiel pause, causing him to look upwards at the night sky that twinkled with stars upon the deep blue silk of the sky. He knew that pressure, that feeling of being watched. Letting the blue eyes of his vessel fall closed, Cas allowed himself to 'slip' between the veil of the waking world and the veil of Heaven. Despite everything, it had been several weeks since he'd allowed himself to do this willingly, stepping into a small alcove set off to the side that was not quite in Heaven proper. A viewing area in which the residence could watch over those who still resided on Earth, or keep an eye on the humans they had fought to protect.

Standing there, in the form of her vessel was his one-time commander. The shapely female form did not bely the strength that lay in her limbs, but the sight of her sent a bit of a knife into Castiel's gut. The last time he had seen her she had been fighting to kill Sam Winchester, even at the expense of his brother, even against the rules of Heaven. One of the Fallen, but not one of Lucifer's fallen she still held that angelic spark, that whiteness that there were days he doubted in himself. Why was she here again? The last he had seen Michael had killed her for her crimes, yet here she stood, looking down upon the Winchesters through a hole in Heaven.

“Anna.” Though still very monotone, that single word held a heavy weight of hurt anger.




::stop:: Notes
::look:: Outfit
::listen:: Silence
::you're it:: Anna
::the credit:: Jess <3

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[Annabelle "Anna" Pearl Zhu]

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Why couldn't things just go back to the way that they had once been? Because, that was just life. Even for an angel. You had to live with both the good and the bad and try to pray that you learn from those bad mistakes. Like she had tried to do. Like Anna was willing to do. She regretted how she had tried to kill Sam, hurting Dean in the process. Because she really did care for the oldest Winchester. He had given her the best night before she had gotten her grace back the following day. Before she had once again become the very thing that Anna had fallen from, had tried to run away from. But she had learned from her past mistakes. If her Father did not believe that, then he would never have brought her back, right?Anna was willing to try and forgive herself. She, in a way, really hated herself for it. But if Anna could not forgive herself, how could she expect anyone else to forgive her as well?

And then she heard it. That all too familiar voice. And Anna was suddenly left with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Cas had tried to protect the boys from when she was trying to kill Sam. She was sure that her brother would hate her. Or she thought that he would. Probably because that was what she thought she deserved. That she did not deserve anyone's forgiveness. But this time, Anna was determined to obey her Father. She was determined to help, to do good.

Turning around to face Castiel, she remained quiet for a moment, looking him up and down. ”Hello, Castiel.” she spoke in a calm and soft voice. She stood her ground, staying in one position. ”It's good to see you.”

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[castiel]

Angels were creatures of lines and traditions he had discovered, repeating words that they had said to each other for hundreds of years every time as if it were the first time. How often had Anna's lips formed the word 'hello' and his name? For that matter, how often had Gabriel heard the same thing? He was genuinely curious now, he made a note to listen closely to how the elder angels addressed each other from now on. Anna's voice didn't hold hostility as she regarded him, which was good, depending on why she was back, how she was back she had no right to. She'd taken it upon herself to do, at best, reprehensible things on Earth that included ripping holes in time and trying to rewrite it to make sure things that were necessary never came to pass.

“I think the nature of this meeting would depend on what it is that you're here for.” he answered, regarding his former leader with bright blue eyes. If she was here again to try and kill really almost anyone he was going to be the first line of defense to stop her. There was enough senseless killing going on right now for him to let his sister continue perpetuating the cycle.

“What are you doing here, Anna?” he questioned, feeling no need to dance around the subject with pleasantries. They had been comrades once, Cas had followed Anna so closely that when he felt himself leaning towards his Fall that he had turned to her in his hour of need. She had denied him. Then had come back to destroy one of the very things that he had fallen for; if they were going to fight he preferred to do it somewhere where their very presence didn't destroy city blocks with one single swipe of a blade. There had been many battles raged just recently here in Heaven that one more skirmish wasn't going to destroy much more, but there was the possibility of a lot fewer innocent casualties.



::stop:: Orion's just gonna hop in later, wants to give these two a chance to fluff their wings at each other for a while
::look:: Outfit
::listen:: Washing Machine
::you're it:: Anna
::the credit:: Jess <3

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[Annabelle "Anna" Pearl Zhu]

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Why was Anna here? She was not all that sure, to be completely honest. She was here for something. She knew that much. She was here to do good. To help out in any way that she possible could. But she was afraid. Very afraid. Afraid that people would not forgive her. Would always hate her. She kept thinking about Dean. And how much she had hurt him. She looked down, at earth and sighed. She just did not know what to do. She did not know anymore. Why was she brought back. She should have never been brought back. How could she possibly fix everything she had done.

“I'm here to help. In anyway that I can. I'm not here to hurt anyone. You don't have to worry. I know that I should kill Sam or anyone. And I am truly sorry for that Just... tell me how I can help. I'll do whatever you ask of me And nothing more. Not if it is something that you think is wrong. I just want to help. That's it.” She spoke up, looking into Castiel's eyes. The two had once been so close. And when he had asked her for help so long ago, she did deny him. But only because she believed that it was something that he needed to figure out on his own.

Anna did not say anything more though. Instead, she just watched him, standing with her back straight. She did not want to say or do anything that might not let him forgive her. She needed his forgiveness. She needed the Winchester's forgiveness. And she would do anything to get that.

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[castiel]

When next they met, Cas had imagined a million things; a fight that would rip open parts of the Earth, but he never imagined that the angel who was once his leader and commanding officer would plead with him. Because looking into her eyes that was just what it appeared to be, pleading. He was hurt, he wouldn’t make himself a liar by denying it, he had pleaded with her in a similar position only a short time ago. She had all but spat at him and left him to go through the most trying time in his long life alone. It wasn’t as if he could make either of the brothers understand the excruciating pain that came with his decision; the long time where he was slowly being stripped of his Grace instead of losing it all at once.

The only Son of their Father had always preached forgiveness and praised the ability to turn the other cheek; he had been a peaceful sort of man and had known little of the War that had reeked through his Father’s house before he sat at His right hand. Things that had seemed so easy before he had started spending all of his time on Earth, with the humans that he loved, were harder now. Cas didn’t want to forgive her so easily, not really; but on the other hand she was his sister, risen and returned from the dead. There was something to be said about that, wasn’t there? He just wasn’t sure anymore… family didn’t always mean what it seemed to mean… what it was supposed to mean and nothing was as it had been…

“I might believe that you mean no harm, my sister, but I cannot just welcome you back with open arms.” he hoped that she could understand that.




::stop:: -----
::look:: Outfit
::listen:: SoA
::you're it:: Anna
::the credit:: Jess <3

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[Annabelle "Anna" Pearl Zhu]

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Couldn't just welcome her back with open arms. Not now. Maybe not ever. And Anna could understand that. She did not expect anyone to welcome her back. Not after what she had done. She did not expect anyone to forgive her for her past. For her sins. And really, Anna did not believe that she deserved anyone’s forgiveness or to be welcomed back. The angel could and would understand if Castiel never wanted to see or to speak to her again. Ever. But she could not help but feel slightly disappointed. She did understand, though. She really did. If they were switched, she probably would say the exact same thing that Cas was saying to her.

Anna just nodded. “I understand. I really do. I do not expect to be welcomed back or to get anyone's forgiveness. Lord knows, I do not even deserve it. I know that much. I just wanted to let you know that I am not that angel anymore. That you do not need to worry about me trying to kill anyone again." Looking around, Anna took in a deep breathe. Why had she even come? She did not want to have to face everyone. Not after all that she had done. It was not exactly the easiest thing to do. But it was just one of those things that needed to be done. Anna had to face her past. She had to accept what she had done and just try everything in her power to never become like that ever again. “Listen, if you want me to leave, to never speak to you again, I would understand. If I were you, I would never want to speak to me either. All you have to do is say the word and I'll be gone.”

300 Words
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[castiel]

“There are few who are beyond forgiveness, Sister, don't you remember?” It seemed funny, all that time ago it had been he who had been drawn back to Heaven for retraining, yet it seemed to have a deeper long-term effect on Anna, whom he always believed to be stronger then that. Seeing her here, curled and hidden in a small corner of Heaven. His former commander was stripped raw in a way that he'd never seen her before. Death and reformation had a way of making people be honest with themselves and apparently her recent actions weren't true to Anna's feelings about things.

It was good to hear that her homicidal urges had been ebbed, but that in of itself was a sword with two edges. Anna was a Warrior and a Warrior that refused to kill would soon wither without the ability to fulfill their purpose of battle. But there were things that Anna needed to work through if there was even the slimmest chance that she was going to regain the parts of her self that she'd lost. As she began to speak again, Cas actually cut her off, he wasn't going to sit here and listen to this. To listen to the being that he'd followed into the War and back out the other side sit here and allocate as if she were nothing and had forgotten all that the Father's Son had tried to teach while he was on Earth. While not all of his lessons were ones that Angels could live by, he was still a very wise man for his age. But with the Spirit of the Ages inside his mind, then it made sense. Just because Cas could not forgive her yet, didn't mean that she shouldn't start by forgiving herself.

“Do not entreaty yourself to me, Anna. I am not the one who can give you the absolution that you're seeking. Maybe it's penance that you require.”

And maybe an apology to the man you attempted to annihilate.

These weren't words that he said aloud, not yet; it was a conclusion that he hoped Anna would come to on her own. It would show if her apology and good intentions were genuine or if she merely thought they were.

“I don't wish you gone, Anna, I wish you well.”



::stop:: -----
::look:: Outfit
::listen:: SoA
::you're it:: Anna
::the credit:: Jess <3

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[Annabelle "Anna" Pearl Zhu]

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There are few that were beyond forgiveness. Yes. Anna did remember that. And she knew exactly what she would have to do. It just was not that easy. To find Sam Winchester. To talk to the man that she had tried her hardest to eliminate. She knew that she would soon have to talk to the youngest Winchester, to apologize. But how could she expect anyone to forgive her when she still had yet to forgive herself? She had not even been back here that long. Maybe a couple of days at the most. She was still getting use to everything. She was trying to find her way again.

"You are right. Maybe that is what I require. And I am working really hard on it." Anna smiled, softly. It was the truth. It just was not easy. Not easy one bit. She was glad, however, that Castiel did not wish her gone. That did mean something, didn't it? Anna did not blame anyone for wanting to walk away from her. To forget that she even exsisted. Well, she knew what she had to do. She needed to start by forgiving herself and to know that she really did want to change. Yeah, Anna could not change what had been done in the past. But she could change her future by doing what was right. "I am trying, Castiel. And I know what I need to do. I know that I am going to have to face Sam. I need to apologize to him. For all that I have done."

260 Words
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[castiel]

Seeing his sister so confused, so conflicted and filled with questions, it felt like looking into a mirror that was reflecting itself back upon the surface, constantly showing an image of a reflection. First Anna had questioned and been so strong her her convictions that she ripped out her own Grace and plummeted to Earth. He hadn't understood then. Just a few years ago, he'd started feeling the same questions gnawing at the back of his mind, ever since he truly lived around the humans he'd watched since their creation. He'd felt his own Grace slowly leaking from him, leaving him mortal as the friends he'd made and Anna had turned her back on him when he had called to her for guidance. Now, here again his former mentor was on the outs with herself... He couldn't help it, it hurt him a little. Despite everything he loved many of his siblings, but he kept losing them either to themselves or to the questioning folds of fortuna.

“Then do it, though I would give him warning that you mean him no harm.” That was the last thing that Sam needed, another angel appearing out of no where, this one that the last tried to kill him when they were face to face. “You don't need to tell me what your plans are, I have faith that you know what you have to do.” Giving her a firm nod, Cas actually turned to go, the edges of his coat kicking up a little by the movement in the windless place. He paused for a second, that sounded crueler than he'd intended. He knew he was still a little bitter about everything that had transpired between them in the last few times they'd crossed paths, but that didn't lessen the fact that his sister was on a path of redemption, that deserved at least a level of respect. He could show her that. Turning his head slightly, blue eyes still fixed on the perfect patch of ground at his side, his face could be seen in profile, but he wasn't looking directly at the other angel. “But, if you're in need of something... let me know?”



::stop:: I figured it was about time to start wrapping this up, okay? Hopefully we can reconnect later? Maybe an Angel thread?
::look:: Outfit
::listen:: Jess clicking
::you're it:: Anna
::the credit:: Jess <3

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[Annabelle "Anna" Pearl Zhu]

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It was true. Anna did not mean anyone harm. Not again. She wanted redemption. She wanted to prove that her intentions were pure. Looking back on those days, she truly saw herself hating herself, wondering who that person was. It could not have been Anna. Anna was not like that. She was brought up better than that. She had turned into something that she know longer recognized. That she now despised. But things would be different from now on. Yes. Anna would find Sam and Dean. She would apologize. She would ask for forgiveness. She would do whatever it took to prove that she had changed. Things were definitely gonna change from here on out.

When Castiel did speak, however, Anna looked down for the moment. She did not expect him to be all nice and glad to see her. She knew that was something that nobody would feel. And why would she ever expect anyone to be glad to see the young angel. She had done so many things wrong. Things that she wished so much to take back but could never do so. “Yes. I understand.” And she really did. It was not Castiel that she hurt. That she had nearly killed. It was the Winchester's. It was they that she would need to speak to. More than anyone else. Sam would be the hardest to speak to. Considering that it was him that she had tried to kill, to destroy. Anna looked back up at Castiel as he spoke that last sentence and she gave him a soft smile. “Thanks, Castiel. I will.”

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[ADMIN ASHLEY]