::Angel:: Lifeless

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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Lifeless eyes stared up at the sky, not taking in anything around her. Anyone else would be in awe of the full moon that cast a glow across the headstones. Anyone else would be basking in the beauty of the clear sky as the stars shone brightly. Anyone else would be happy about the cool night that was almost a perfect temperature. Unfortunately the blonde woman who sat atop the cold marble headstone belonging to one Tabitha Jammison was not ‘anyone else’. The beauty of the moon and stars didn’t even register to her, nor did the perfect temperature of the night, nor did anything else around her. A clown could have come and done a dance right in front of her and she wouldn’t have even noticed it.

It had been two months, two months since the blonde had shown even the tiniest bit of life in her hazel eyes. She hid it to an extent, but even trying to pretend like everything was okay was too much energy for her to expend. She still did everything that had to be done. Still got up every morning, went to work with a smile (no matter how fake it was) on her face as she helped students deal with their issues, went home, trained potentials while helping Willow and Giles do whatever needed to be done that day, went out and patrolled until dawn and got up two hours later and started the cycle over. Nothing had changed on the outside…no…it was the inside that was completely different.

It had been two months since everything changed…since she had changed. Making the biggest mistake of her life was something that she hadn’t even realized fully while doing it. It wasn’t until hours later that the full weight of her decisions had snuck up on her…leaving her angry, hurt, wounded, betrayed, guilty, hated, and above all devastated. She had lost the one person who made this life at least somewhat decent. After being in heaven she never thought she would be alright again, never thought she would be able to handle everything that came with being her again. Then she met up with him and he gave her some perspective…something she had desperately needed. It hadn’t been a cure-all, not by a long shot, but it had helped. From that day forward she had fought her desire to go back to that place, go back to heaven where she could be happy, and instead she fought…for him.

Now, she had no one to fight for…no one to care. Anyone else would count their blessings that they had friends and family the way she did…the ones who she should fight for. Unfortunately none of them had to deal with the emotions running through the usually strong slayer at all hours of the day. Her thoughts could not block out the angry, hurtful words they had exchanged. Her mind wouldn’t stop replaying the day it all went wrong…the day that she had thrown everything away in a moment (or day to be accurate) of weakness.

No one could hate her as much as she hated herself, though in reality the only person who hated her was the one she wanted to love her.
Her thoughts were fairly simple these days. No longer were the days where she would just walk around, her thoughts racing. No…thinking did nothing but tear her heart apart even more. Instead she just let her mind blank out…concentrating on nothing, not even the world around her. This unfortunately was dangerous, especially for a slayer, as she was soon to find out.

Before she could register the movement behind her she was on her back, four vampires above her. Used to be the days she would fight back, used to the be the days she would have a quick pun ready…but those days were over. Instead she simply laid there, looking up at the four vampires who were smirking down at her, their fangs distended. Looks like it’s our lucky day boys…slayer blood…best blood there is. She heard one say but didn’t even register it…not finding it in herself to care….

Word Count:: 722
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Yeah, she’s depressed. If Angel doesn’t show up she’ll fight them…but there’s no passion in it anymore. She lacks purpose.

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[angel]

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Liam “Angel” O’Connor hadn’t done much of anything other than brood in the past two months. Other than his trip to the water park that night with Katheryn, he hadn’t done much of anything other than sit in the basement and rot. Often Katheryn would come downstairs to find him sitting alone in the dark, simply thinking as he so often liked to do. She would flip on all of the light switches, not liking the dark much herself, and yell at him to get off his behind and go do something. He would get up and pretend to at least grab a book or something to read until she was out of view. Once she was gone, once again all of the lights would be turned off and he would sit himself back down in a corner of the room and simply sit or lie there. Not just thinking but sulking as well about what had happened.

Now even though he knew it wasn’t fair nor fun to Katheryn, his behavior that is, he simply couldn’t help it. Upon having his soul returned to him his life was altered completely and his heart was shattered. Some didn’t think it was a big deal while others said that if it’d been them, they would have left already. Truth be told Angel had wanted to leave ever since he’d learned of his lover’s betrayal. There had been many times where he’d been completely packed up only to see Katheryn laughing or smiling after hanging out with the rest of the gang. He knew it wasn’t fair of him to bring these people into her life and then just rip them away, but didn’t know if he could stand living here any longer. However he had now been here for two months, feeling that his time here was coming near an end.

With all of the patrolling he’d been doing as of lately along with the rest of the gang, he didn’t even how there were still demons and vampires roaming the streets. Angel himself had made it a point to get out there and make at least one sweep a night. Not only did it allow him to get some of his frustrations out, but it kept his mind off of the slayer as well. The only person he’d even been talking to had been Katheryn and Faith. Even though she didn’t see it as a big enough deal to break up with her fellow slayer for, she supported his decision and attempted to comfort him. On the other hand, he also knew that it had probably really annoyed Buffy to see Faith frequently going down into the basement. This fact didn’t bother him in the least. For one, they weren’t doing anything other than sparring and talking. And two, it slightly entertained him that she was annoyed by it.

Tonight he had gone patrolling alone, nothing out of the ordinary. With him he carried a Viking battle axe from the ninth century the gang had acquired at some point. It had been downstairs in the training area with all of the other weapons and had caught his eye. Donned in a pair of blue jeans and a blue shirt, he felt a bit awkward patrolling in the outfit. However Katheryn had taken it upon herself to begin dressing him, telling him that he obviously wasn’t able to dress himself and had no fashion sense. So feeling quite awkward dressed as such, he began strolling through the Richmond cemetery carrying his battle axe. The weather outside was perfect for what he was wearing, especially considering that the cold didn’t particularly bother him.

Upon reaching the area of the cemetery that housed the largest mausoleums, he spotted a sight that literally made him freeze. It appeared that Buffy had been patrolling in the same cemetery and things didn’t appear to be going her way. Four vampires stood above her as she simply lay there, looking up into their eyes with a blank look on her face. Only taking literally a few seconds to think, he scurried up behind the vampires in a blur of speed. Swinging his axe he took the first vampires head clean off, causing the other three to notice his presence. As the ashes fell to the floor he noticed some of them land on Buffy, but quickly turned his attention back to his foes.

The second vampire rushed him and Angel used the non-pointy end of the axe to temporarily subdue him as he decapitated the third. Not paying attention to whether or not Buffy had gotten back up on her feet, he dodged a blow from the second vampire and swung the axe towards his back taking his head off as well. The last vampire seemed to decide it was better for himself to just flee, and began to take off in the other direction. Dropping the axe to the floor, he grabbed the stake Buffy had been carrying off the ground and sent it flying right into the last vampire’s back, dusting him as well. With a sigh he looked to the downed slayer in dismay. ”Trying to get yourself killed?”

he asked angrily, offering her no help to stand back up. Clearly, he was still quite angry with her and wasn’t sure if he’d ever get over her betrayal.

[/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 894
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: Oh lord. Good luck to us both in this one.[/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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As she stated up at the four vampires he mind raced. She didn’t know exactly why she wasn’t reacting the way she normally would, but something inside her was broken. She knew that she was acting fairly ridiculous as honestly it hadn’t been any worse than anything else that had happened to her in the past. She had slept with Angelus, yes, this was awful,, but she had lost Angel as well, and that was something she was highly familiar with. She had lost Angel on a number of different occasions. Losing him after killing the master when she had gone to her dad’s over the summer, losing him when he lost his soul, losing him when she sent him to hell, losing him when he broke up with her ‘for her own good’, losing him when he went to Los Angeles after Graduation and then losing him before the battle with the first as she sent him away…never admitting that it was to protect him more than anything.

She was well versed in losing Angel, and yet for some reason nothing had ever felt this way before. When she had sent him to hell she had thought she had hit rock bottom. She had lost not only her lover, but also her best friends, her mentor, and her mother. She had lost everything and yet in that moment she realized that the pain of that loss was actually second to the one she was feeling now. She couldn’t believe that any pain beat that and yet in this, it definitely did. She had done something that was completely her fault. Sure Angel losing his soul that first time in Sunnydale had been her fault but on a smaller scale. She hadn’t known the consequences of spending a night with the man she loved so while yes it was her fault, it was indirectly at best.

Hearing one of the vampires above her grown she realized that she was still laying there. Unfortunately it seemed as if she had run out of time to make a decision and it was made for her. She could feel the vampires staring at her and yet for some reason she didn’t see their faces. Instead she saw a silent creature moving towards them and seemingly doing a dance as he took care of each of the vampires, one right after the other.

Unfortunately it seemed as if his rescue mission wasn't a forgiveness action, simply a way to continue fighting for his redemption. "Would it matter?" She mumbled, not even thinking about the fact that he could hear her. She didn't care, didn't want to be saved. Didn’t want to talk to him, didn't want to look at him. She wanted to wrap her arms around herself and had a good long cry without worrying about anything else. She was devastated by the loss of her love and couldn't handle anything that dealt with it at the moment.

"Thanks for the save." She told him before standing up slowly, trying to keep herself from falling back down. She hadn't eaten all day, having not had any appetite and was now clearly paying for it. "Next time though, don't bother." She told him before turning around and started to head towards another part of the cemetery. She was done with this conversation. There was no point into even trying to talk to him because all it would do was cause them to fight. They had fought enough…and they could either get over this (to even an extent of being civil to one another) or they wouldn’t…but something had to give.

Word Count:: 636
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Sorry so so so short. I’m exhausted. I am shocked I was able to finish these two posts.

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[angel]

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Though she had meant to mumble it surely, Angel heard her ask if it really mattered. No matter how loud she spoke or even if she spoke at all he would always hear her. Despite not wanting to care he always would as well, and there was nothing he could do about it. Honestly he knew that he really didn’t want to not care. He wanted her to be safe and happy but knew that he couldn’t anymore be the one to make her feel like this. After what she’d done he couldn’t go back to how things were. Her betrayal had hurt him much more than learning of her sleeping with Spike, dating Riley; this was much worse. It had felt like a personal attack against him though she hadn’t exactly meant it that way. Quite frankly it had broken his heart and he wasn’t sure if it could be mended.

Although she averted her eyes away from him he kept his locked on hers. She wasn’t going to play all of this off like it was no big deal, he wouldn’t let that happen. She had basically almost let herself get killed and there was no reason for such stupidity. ”Of course it would. Think about Dawn, about everyone, and stop thinking about yourself”

he spewed, venom clearly in his voice. The fact that she could not only do something so selfish but say it aloud as well angered him even further. This was not the slayer he had fallen in love with. This one was fragile and broken, weakened from her loss. However Angel had lost her as well, did she not realize that? Did everything always have to be about her?

Watching as she struggled to get back up, Angel set his axe down on the ground and leaned down. Grabbing her by both arms he yanked her up roughly, pulling her to her feet. There hadn’t been anything gentle about it; if she wanted to act like a child, she would be treated like one. As she began to walk away from him he heard her last words. An inner struggle within him began; wondering If he should go after her or not. On one hand he didn’t want to make her feel better after such stupidity. On the other he hated to see her like this, and feared that she’d end up hurting herself or even killing herself if left alone. He hadn’t ever seen her like this, not even when her mother died and that scared him.

With a small shake of his head he rushed behind her, grabbing her by the arm and spinning her around to face him once again. ”No you don’t”

[/color] he said as he spun her, noticing that she hadn’t put up any fight whatsoever. There seemed to not be any fight left in her, something that scared him more than anything in the world. ”Don’t bother? I don’t care what stupid things you do or how much you’ve hurt me, I’ll never just not bother Buffy”[/color] he told her sternly. It was quite honestly the truth. No matter what happened between them there would never be a day where he wouldn’t help her. There would never be a day when he wouldn’t love her, no matter how angry she made him. It was something that couldn’t be helped and hadn’t been able to be helped since he’d first seen her walking outside of Hemery High School. Since that day they had belonged to each other, though she hadn’t known it at the time.

Dark brown eyes bore into hers intensely, small sparks of anger rising within them. He was still holding onto her arm, though wasn’t sure how tightly. ”How can you be so selfish?”[/color] The question was a simple one and yet, he knew it was only going to make things worse. It would only make anger rise within her as well and maybe that was what she needed. After all anger was worth than being broken and empty, at least it was some form of emotion. Right about now if anger was the only thing he could get out of her that’s what he was going to get. After all, he had to do something; he couldn’t stand to see her this way. [/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 718
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: They'll settle down soon and have a moment. This is just initial anger hahaha.[/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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She tried to walk away from him, she really did, no one could deny that she didn't try. Unfortunately she had somewhat forgotten how strong he was as he gripped her arm and spun her around to face him. Yeah, she wasn't getting out of this one with all her teeth she had a feeling. Okay, so he wouldn't knock her teeth out, but she had a feeling that a fight was brewing, something that had actually been brewing for a while now... The fight was going to come whether it happened now or in a year from now. Either way they would end up fighting.

"Stupid things? What exactly stupid things am I doing Angel? Since you seem to know everything about things that are considered stupid let's ask what things that I've done today that are stupid? Yes, I know what stupid things I've done in the past, but how exactly is me patrolling classified as stupid?!" She asked him, clearly asking a moronic question. She knew that what she had done was classified as stupid in every sense of the word since she had almost gotten herself bitten because she had no life left in her at the moment...however she wasn't about ready to admit that to Angel.

"Thinking about myself!?" She asked him, her eyes flashing at him in anger. She was sick of being accused of being selfish. She had given her entire damn life for the world numerous times and yet she was selfish!? She had done selfish things but how was wanting to allow everyone else to have a bit of peace away from her damn drama, how was that selfish!? Her friends would deal, the world didn't need her as the slayer anymore with the ones that they had...they could deal without her now.

Finally she couldn't take it anymore and she exploded. Not in the literal sense (though if they had been on the Hellmouth one would ask if she meant in both the literal and non-literal sense) but in the emotional one. She couldn't take it, couldn't continue to feel the way that she had been feeling for two months. She had been lifeless and yet her emotions were always brewing on the surface, waiting to be let out. She needed answers and she needed them from him. She needed to know why he claimed to love her and yet couldn’t do the one thing she desperately needed even if she didn’t deserve it.

Looking up at him she couldn’t help but glare. “'Why can you forgive everyone besides me? You forgave Faith after trying to kill you, kill me, and essentially being evil! Hell she came into town, slept with my boyfriend and tried to have me sent off to the Watcher’s Council in her body and yet you forgave her! You forgave Spike for whatever he's done to you, at least enough to work with him. Hell clearly you forgave Darla enough to sleep with her?! And yet me, you can't forgive? Why is that?” She yelled at him, not understanding anything anymore, but knowing she had to get answers.

“Why is it that someone you claim to love you can’t forgive…even though it’s clear that she regrets everything she did to hurt you. Jesus Angel do you not know how sorry I am?” She asked before completely breaking down, tears falling down her face as she broke. This time however they weren’t guttural sobs, they were silent ones, which were all the more heartbreaking.

Word Count:: 610
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Sorry so so so short. I gotta get ready. Lol. <3

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[angel]

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Annoyed that she’d even deny having done anything stupid, he simply made a huffing noise and turned his head away from her. Right about now he was having difficulty even looking her in the eyes. He had already been having this problem and after she made the comment about not having done anything stupid, he found himself even more annoyed with her. ”You’re really going to ask me that after you just laid there and attempted to be a snack for a gang of vampires?”

The fact that she had the audacity to act like nothing had just happened angered him. Did she take him for a fool? Obviously she did and she had two months ago too when she’d flat out betrayed him and even did what could be considered by most as cheating. He had no room to talk about stupid mistakes as he had made many, just none that he considered quite as bad as this one.

Realizing that he had just quite literally set off a bomb within the slayer he slightly regretted his earlier choice of words. Even though they were true they made his ex quite angry and right now they didn’t frankly need any more animosity between them. Although she’d been acting selfish tonight he knew that she wasn’t selfish by nature. He had only meant it in that moment, not in her entire life. ”You know what I meant”

[/color] he said sternly. Sincerely not having meant it in the way she had taken it he knew there was no way to take it back now. Despite what she’d done he didn’t want to hurt her, knowing that she had been hurting just as much as he had. She knew what she’d done was wrong and certainly had been paying because of it, not having seen him in two months. Did he really need to rub it in?

As she began to rant he remained silent. His eyes remained trained on hers, never letting them break away, not even for a second. He had known this was coming and that it would only be a matter of time before it came. She needed to get all of this out and everything needed to be laid on the table out in the open if they were ever going to get over this. Hell to be honest he wasn’t sure if they ever truly could get completely over it. After all they’d been through he wondered if this was truly going to be their demise. Previously he’d thought that they could get through anything as long as they were together. While this was true, there was something else in his mind that rang out to him. They weren’t together. Not anymore anyways, and for this fact alone he was afraid for the two of them.

As he listened there were so many things that he found himself wanting to say, to explain. He wanted to give her an explanation to everything to let her know where he was coming from. He wanted to tell her that with Faith it was different. That they had all expected from her what she’d done, that he pleaded even with himself to be able to forgive her. To tell her that a part of Faith reminded him of a part of himself, and that was why he’d been able to forgive her. He wanted to tell her how he’d only forgiven Spike because he’d been forced to, in order to defeat the Senior Partners and the Black Thorn. To tell her how he would never forgive Spike for what he’d tried to do to her. And finally, that he hadn’t in fact slept with Darla willingly. That she had tricked him into thinking that their affair was all a dream and that if it hadn’t been a dream, he wouldn’t have succumbed. However none of these words left his lips, none of them seeming important as he saw the tears strode down her cheeks.

”I haven’t been able to forgive you because I love you…Because you love me. Because of that, I can’t imagine how you could have done that to me.”[/color] [/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 693
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: Sorry if this wasn't that good, dying to get off the computer.[/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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She said nothing about his hypothetical question about laying there and allowing a gang of vampires to feed on her. Did he really think that she was that big of an idiot. She was stunned, yes...but she wasn't stupid. She may have been a tad suicidal but even that word seemed like the wrong one to sue in the situation. She had said it before and would say it again, but lifeless was the only way to describe her. She didn't care about anything that had to do with her and only continued to fight the fight that she had to deal with on a continuous basic because there were those who were still counting on her.

She didn’t think any of them had any idea how hard it was for her in every aspect of her life. When others made mistakes it was no big deal and yet when she did, not only was it public knowledge (perfect example, Angel losing his soul the first time) but it was also something that she had to continuously hear about for the rest of her life it seemed. Sure people ‘forgave her’ so to speak, but yet it still seemed as if those around her couldn’t help but bring her mistakes up at any given time.

Feeling the tears streaming down her cheeks she wanted to run, wanted to run away and never return. She had never been a coward, always wanting to stand up and fight for what she had to, for what she believed in, and yet something about Angel made her want to be a coward in that moment. She knew him as well as he knew her, and that scared the hell out of her. She knew he could see inside of her, inside her soul, and she didn’t want him too. For the first time in a long time she cursed the connection between the two of them. Why couldn’t they be separate? Why couldn’t they have the ability to lie to one another, to block one another out when need be.

She banished the thought as soon as it entered her mind. She wouldn’t trade her connection with Angel for the world. She could feel him coming a long time before she could hear his voice or look into his eyes. Knowing he was around was a small comfort to her even when they weren’t speaking (now and back in Sunnydale). She hadn’t always acknowledged the connection, but it had truly always been there.

Hearing Angel’s words broke her even more, and this time she did fall to her knees. It wasn’t a dramatic fall as she had done before, instead she had simply slid down to rest against a headstone, her knees wrapped within her arms as she cried into her knees. She knew she probably looked a mess, well, more a mess than she had previously, but she didn’t care. She needed to let this out and she couldn’t do that any other way…or with any other person for that matter. Hearing Angel say that he loved her made her want to weep for a whole other reason but she didn’t dwell on it. She knew that he loved her, the kind of love that they felt would never go away… but just as the song said…sometimes love just aint enough.

"Shouldn't you forgive the people that you love because of that though?" She whispered out before trying to explain. "I'm not asking for you to forget Angel...because I won't. I will never forget what I did and not for the reasons you think." She tried to tell him in a way that wouldn't anger him but instead in a way that would make him understand. Trying to think of a way to make him see what was going through her mind without giving the sorted details, she prayed that what she said would work. She loved him and wanted to fight for him, wanted him to forgive her...but she wouldn't fight him himself. She would fight every battle, every woman, every person in the world to be with him. But she wouldn't fight him on it...and that was who she was up against now.

"Do you remember our first kiss?" She asked him, though she knew that he probably remembered it better than she did (which would be nearly impossible) with his vampire memory. "That night...after you vamped out...I didn't know what to do. The next day I went to Giles and begged him to tell me if it was possible for a vampire to be good. He told me he hadn't heard of anything of the sorts. Things went to hell and a hand basket but then you saved me...and not for the first or last time. A couple days later when I realized what I knew about you, I started looking into you. Not as much as I did later on but a bit, and I found out the basics of when you were turned and such. However later on I got even more curious and did a bit more research, and I found out some of the things that you...that he had done. Willow was with me and she was horrified...as was I. I couldn't believe that the hands that would hold me the way you did had done some of those things. It took me a long time to reconcile the fact that while the demon might be a part of you...he wasn't the whole you.

However he was always there, inside you. You existed without him a long time ago Angel...but he's never existed without you. In knowing that, I came to the conclusion that I loved you, all of you...and that meant him too because he was a part of you." She tried to explain, hoping she wasn't making things worse. "I love you more than anyone or anything in this world. My dying thoughts were of everyone that I loved...and you and Dawn were my final thoughts." She told him, needing him to know that before she said her next part.

"I know you have the memories that you wish you could bleach from your brain and I don't blame you...I wish I could too. But I need to remember something that I said to him. He taunted him, playing on my feelings...and yet what did I say to him Angel? I love you because I love him. I want you because I want him. I learned to love both sides of Angel a long time ago, but don't believe for a second that I don't know what you are. I know it doesn't make it any better, hell it probably makes it worse. But Angel, I never would do anything to hurt you intentionally. I don't know why I did it and I won't ever be able to take it back...but if I could...I would. If I had one wish...just one...it wouldn't be for world peace or for all the vampires to go into early retirement. It honestly wouldn't even be for my mom to be brought back. It would be for me to have never gone to that house that day. I knew I was in trouble, everyone did. I snuck out and went away, knowing that I would either die or make a huge mistake...and I went any way because I couldn't...I couldn't not go. I don't run away from things even sometimes when I should. But if I had a wish...it would be that...that it never happened." She trailed off in a whisper, not knowing what else to say.

Word Count:: 1,327
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Holy god I’m sorry this is so long. I went into this thread like ‘Omg I’m going to end up posting 400 words’ and then all of a sudden yeah. Lol Please don’t make yours that long as my next one will be like 500. Lol. <3

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[angel]

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Watching the slayer that had always stood so strong simply fall to the ground, Angel felt his heart breaking even further than seeing her cry. As she slid down the back of a tombstone he stood and began to feel a bit awkward on his feet, but remained there. The two of them didn’t need to be close in this moment. They were both angry and not wanting to make it worse he continued to stand above her, though backed up a bit so it wouldn’t seem like he was towering over her completely. Normally he stood about a head or so higher than her and with her on the ground like this he probably looked like a giant.

Hearing her as she sobbed into her pink capris made him want to reach down and just hold her. To hold her tight enough to stop all of the crying and heartache and just act like nothing had ever happened. However there was no going back from what had happened; there was no forgetting or ignoring it. It wasn’t something that could easily be ignored considering the video version played back in his head about a million times a day. However if he could go back in time and take control of Angelus and stop it, he would. Not just for him but for her as well knowing how much she was hurting because of it.

Although her voice was barely even audible he heard her quite clearly, he always had. It wasn’t just about him having superhuman senses, but also about the bond that the two shared. Quite honestly she didn’t even need to speak to convey her feelings as he could see It in her eyes it was simply more comfortable for her to do that. Even though forgiving loved ones definitely made sense to most, it didn’t to Angel. In his eyes, even though he’d done this many times, the people you loved should be the people that never hurt you. He had hurt the people who he loved many times and hadn’t ever gotten why they’d chosen to forgive him. He had always simply assumed that they were bigger people than he was. ”I should – and, I want to…I just don’t know If I can…”

he said solemnly, voice trailing off into the distance as his eyes sunk to the ground.

Could she even really ask that? ”Of course I do”

[/color] Angel replied quickly, knowing he would never forget that night. Even though he’d been dead since then and before then for years, that night had made him feel alive. Escaping the three and then hiding up in her bedroom after lying to her mother and pretending he’d left…knowing that she could be in trouble in a second and kissing her anyways…it would be something he’d always remember and cherish. However he also remembered freaking her out as his face changed and having to scurry out of the window and down her roof, never thinking he’d see her again unless in a fight to the death. That part he certainly didn’t cherish though didn’t dislike either; it was all a part of their beginning together.

Listening silently he waited to hear everything she had to say before he would respond, trying to get the whole picture. The fact that she had known everything he’d done and had still loved him wasn’t something he could ever thank her enough for. Although she wouldn’t want to be thanked, she deserved to be and he had tried his best to do right by her. Despite not always having been able to do this, he felt like he had at least tried his best. Or had he? Had he been right in leaving Sunnydale after his graduation? In not being there when she’d gone to battle against Glory and had died? This wasn’t something he liked to think about, knowing he would never get the answers he sought.

Desperate eyes looked up to her, begging her not to continue. Not because it wasn’t true but because it made him feel even more broken inside to hear it. ”I should have been there…maybe you wouldn’t have…”[/color] died? He didn’t even want to finish that sentence as even hearing the word made him cringe. However he let her continue, not knowing quite what to say to all of this. Right now he knew that she needed to get all of this out and off her chest, to just vent and he wasn’t going to interrupt her. She needed to tell him this and he needed to hear it, no matter how much it broke his non-beating heart.


With a nod, he slunk down on the tombstone beside her. After everything she had just told him he hated that he didn’t have a speech for her. He hadn’t ever been much of a talker, being much more monosyllabic than she probably liked. However that was just him; he was a man of few words and yet so much passion was held in his eyes. Turning to face her, he pushed the hair out of her eyes and wiped the tears streaming down her face with his thumbs. Despite everything he couldn’t stand to see her cry. Finally mustering the ability to speak, he spoke. Something that she probably didn’t expect to hear, but would hopefully stop some of her heartache.

”I forgive you”[/color] he said with soulful eyes, looking into hers intensely. It was all he said because quite frankly it was all he needed to say. [/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 923
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: Merrrrp, <3.[/center]
[

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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She heard his unasked question...whether she would have died had he been there. She wanted to tell him for a hundred percent certainty that she would have still died, but she couldn't. She knew Angel better than most, though sometimes she wondered if those in Los Angeles who had come to know him after her, if they knew him better than she did. However she knew he would have never let her sacrifice herself for something like that. She knew what he would do...and honestly she was surprised that Spike hadn't attempted it first. She wouldn't relay that part of her thoughts to him but it was still something she was surprised by.

“You’re not the only one who’s asked that.” She told him softly, not wanting to admit how many times she had overheard Xander and Anya, Tara and Willow, Giles, all of them, talking about how he should have been there. How if he had been there then they could have stood a damn chance without her dying. Most of it was that they felt guilty (well, everyone besides Xander and Anya of course) that they hadn’t thought to call him themselves. They knew she would never ask for help from him because of sheer stubbornness, but they should have known according to conversations she had overheard.

“I don’t think it would have mattered though.” She replied, not promising anything but knowing that if the only other option was that he died instead, she wouldn’t have let it happen. “I know what you’re thinking. You could have drank from me, so my blood was in your veins and then jumped into the portal, right?” She asked him, though didn’t wait for a response. “I wouldn’t have let you. I watched you die once… I stuck a sword through your stomach and sent you somewhere that I would never see you again. It killed me inside and I wouldn’t have been able to do it again. I know you would never drink from me by force…hell I had to force you to drink from me when you were dying…so it would have still been my choice and I would have chosen for you to live.” She told him honestly. “So please don’t think it would have made any difference. All it would have done was give you more nightmares than you already had…added to your guilt. I never wanted to do that. I’ve heard what happened, heard how Willow came to see you after everything went down. She didn’t give me details, didn’t actually bring it up until my phone rang that day and it was you on the phone. That’s when I found out that you knew at all.” She whispered, hating the fact that she had been so far gone that she hadn’t even asked if he knew.

She barely felt the ground shift as he sat down next to her, though she did feel his fingers brush the hair out of her eyes and felt his fingers brush her tears away. It did nothing to stop them from coming but she appreciated the gesture. She watched as he seemed to war with himself but she didn't say anything, knowing that whatever he would say would most likely end the night but she owed him everything.

Hearing him say that he forgave her for anything else would have usually caused her to throw herself into his arms and kiss him silly, but clearly they weren't there yet. Taking a deep breath she tried to calm herself down, taking the sleeve from her pink hoodie and wiping her eyes, making sure she could see him fully before running her hand softly over his cheek. "I love you." She whispered to him, her voice soft in more ways than one. "But I don't think you really do." She explained. "I love that you want to make me feel better but Angel...this isn't about me. This is about you. I know I've been selfish and I'm sorry...but this is really about you. If you can't forgive me I understand, though I will go to my grave...again...with the regret of that. I love you and I want to be with you, but I know that you're not ready for that. When you can look me in the eye, kiss me and not cringe at the thought of what I've done...then we'll talk about forgiveness and other things...until then if you want to hit me, hit me...if you want to scream at me...then scream. I'll take it and I'll promise to try not to cry... Just don't say something you don't mean for my benefit. I was the one who messed up...so let me try to be the one to fix it."

Figuring she could add a bit of humor into the mix she then smiled a bit. “Ever think we could use some serious relationship counseling?” She asked.

Word Count:: 833
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: She’s so bipolar.

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[angel]

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It didn’t matter what she said, he knew he should have been there for her. It may not have mattered in her own mind but Angel wouldn’t have let it happen. There was no debate about it; if he had been there she would have never died. She wouldn’t ever had to leave Dawn and the rest of her friends, he wouldn’t ever have had to go to see the monks. Depression wouldn’t have hit him like a concrete wall as it had and everything would have been alright. Well, at least that’s how he thought anyways. These thoughts only made him even more upset but he couldn’t help it. Even to this day he still sulked about how he should have been there having never been able to forgive himself.

The next words he heard from her made him freeze. It had been something that had always bothered him but he hadn’t ever known that other people had wondered the same thing. That if he had only been there if she would have lived…if it would have changed everything. He wasn’t one to tute his own horn but he was a champion after all and that had to be worth something. ”The others…were they angry I wasn’t there?”

he asked. Now he should have just ask her if she was, but he didn’t want to. Not only was he afraid of what he might hear but he was also afraid that she might get ticked off by the question. He knew her well and knew that she could take care of herself, his comment would probably set her off as if he didn’t think this was true.

Although had they ever even asked him to come help? No, they hadn’t. Hell he hadn’t even known what had been going on in Sunnydale. ”You could’ve called…and of you could have. You know I would have dropped everything and come”

[/color] he said, drooping his eyes to the floor. They didn’t droop necessarily out of sadness. More so they drooped in disappointment of himself, anger in himself that he hadn’t been there that night. It wasn’t possible to change the past though and he knew this. He could however change the future if he tried hard enough.

Being reminded of the first time he’d lost his soul wasn’t something he enjoyed. In fact he downright hated hearing about it. It reminded him of all the terrible things he’d done and how he’d been sent to hell by his lover, though he had indeed deserved it in that moment, but still. It wasn’t a pleasant memory that was definite. ”And you don’t think I would have chosen for you to live? I’ve watched you die one before too, don’t forget. I stood there like an idiot while Xander performed CPR, completely helpless.”[/color] He hadn’t ever felt quite as inadequate as he had that night. ” I couldn’t stand it but I knew it had to be done in order for you to live, I would have done the same.”[/color] Though not mean, his voice was definitely stern as he needed her to know that he really meant all of this.

With a small nod, he looked at the ground once again. ”That night…broke me. For awhile after that, no one thought I’d make it. I ended up having to see some monks, find a sense of self purpose again….I almost didn’t make it.”[/color] She probably didn’t know about his time in sanctuary as not many people did. She also probably didn’t know the fact that there was a point in time when he had actually considered suicide. It had seemed that his life was nearly pointless without her and his heart had ached so badly for so long that he didn’t know if he could continue. Somehow he had managed to find the strength to go on, but it had been a long time coming. None of this needed to be said though as it would only make things more intense between the two of them, something that they didn’t need happening.

Obviously he hadn’t been as believable as he’d thought he’d been. She saw right through his attempt at forgiveness but then again, he hadn’t meant it as an attempt. ”I do forgive you…for me it’s hard to forgive you, but the worst part is trying to forget. I know you say I’ll never forget, but I need to at least wait until I stop seeing the two of you…”[/color] he said with his voice trailing off into nothingness, not knowing how to express himself. He had never been very good with this kind of stuff and didn’t know how to explain how he felt, what was holding him back. A small chuckle came from him as she joked about their relationship. ”Ya think?”[/color] he then replied, though the smile quickly faded. It was true though, they had always had issues and probably always would. None of this nature though he hoped, nothing like this ever again. [/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 835
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: At work...couldn't resist.[/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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She sighed, knowing she probably shouldn't have mentioned the fact that the others questioned where he had been but unfortunately she had never been able to lie to him so she of course spilled her damn soul to him. One of the downfalls of the whole 'soul-mates' thing. "They weren't mad at you...not really. It was more they were looking for anything to help us. We were floundering Angel...and they were trying to find a way to keep all of our heads above water." She told him before realizing that they had never really talked about what had happened before and after glory...so she figured now was the best time to do so.

"I found out about Glory being after Dawn months before my friends did. I met a monk who had been one of the ones to give Dawn form. I of course went to Giles and later on my mom found out when she was starting to lose it so to speak. The gang found out a few months later and then Dawn found out thanks to Spike...well...that's really not fair. She snuck out and Spike caught her, instead of telling me that she had snuck out, or letting her go off by herself, he went with her. He didn't know either you see, none of us thought to tell him. So then Ben found out but Glory still didn't know." She explained. "She had people watching us and first thought it was Spike...then she thought it was Tara. She drained Tara's brain and essentially turned her into a crazy person...and because of that Tara could see things that none of us could...including Dawn's true form. She happened to mention it in front of Glory and that's how she found out about the key." She explained a bit more.

"I won't go into details but I pretty much realized in that moment that we couldn't win. I wanted to run Angel...hell...I did run. We had a damn RV and we were running...but those stupid knights came at us and ended up causing the RV to crash. That's how Glory...well...Ben found us who turned into Glory. Big long story...anyway...that's how everything went down...so really...what would you have done had you been there Angel? We had a good team...we just didn't have enough time...nor resources...nor fighting power. Unfortunately I don't think that us having twenty more fighters would have done anything except have more people witness the exact same ending." She took a deep breath before continuing. “Afterward…when I came back… I realized how screwed I really was. I needed a job because mom’s life insurance had been eaten up with medical bills and someone had to take care of everyone. Willow and Tara were living at the house taking care of Dawn and I had no idea how I would ever repay them so I had to figure out something. I tried a lot of different things but unfortunately being a slayer wasn’t job experience and being a college dropout didn’t give me a very good recommendation…so I ended up flipping burgers at the Doublemeat Palace to make ends meet while losing myself every night in the slaying.” She almost made the comment about losing herself in Spike but figured he had enough to deal with at the moment without going into that.

“So again, there was nothing you could do to help. Please don’t feel guilty Angel…that’s never what I wanted.” She explained, though felt her heart break when she heard his next few words. She took a deep breath before exhaling it...hating that she would tell him this. "I did call. Once." She told him, her eyes looking down. "It was about three or four hours before everything went down and I knew you wouldn't make it there in time...but I wanted to...I needed to hear your voice. I listened to it ring and then I heard your voicemail and that was all I needed. I knew I could do it...because just the sound of your voice gave me the strength I needed. So I did call...I just called when I knew it would be too late. I thought about telling you everything when you had come into town when my mom died...which I never do think I thanked you for fully...but I knew you would stay...and I couldn't let you. It was the same as when the first was there...I couldn't risk you Angel."

"Exactly Angel! Why would I want to subject you to that? I knew you wouldn't let me go...but I knew I wouldn't be able to let you go...so I did what you've done before...I made the decision for you...I didn't give you an option. But it was never to hurt you...it was to save you." She tried to tell him, though doubted it made much of a difference. Hearing that the night she died broke him broke her heart. "Angel..." She whispered, not knowing what else to say.

Raising her hand she caressed his cheek, not caring in that moment if it would cause him to cringe away, just feeling that she needed to give him some comfort that he had long been since denied. "I never wanted to hurt you...I love you...I loved you then...I love you now...I've loved you since I was sixteen...and if I would have thought for a second that my death would hurt you like that...I wouldn't have been able to do it." She bestowed upon him.

She nodded at his response about forgetting. "I'll do whatever you need me to. Whether that's staying away from you indefinitely...then that's what I'll do. If it's for me to go back to Rome and leave you to handle things here in order to give you some space...I'll do it...I just have to have some sort of hope Angel. Hope that one day we'd find each other again is the only thing that's gotten me through the day sometimes...and if that hope is taken away...I'm not sure what I would do."

Hearing him joke about their relationship would normally make her smile, but it fell flat. Unfortunately it was no laughing matter, no matter how much she wish she could joke her way out of it. "I can promise you that I will never hurt you in that way again. I know I betrayed you...and I know that if the situation was reversed I am not sure I would ever be able to get over it...but if you somehow are able to ever look at me the same way...even if you're not...nothing like that will ever happen again."

Word Count:: 1,112
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Awwwwwwwwwww, <3

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[angel]

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Although it was good to hear that the others hadn’t been angry for his absence, he wasn’t sure if he truly believed it. They may not have expressed their angry and not to Buffy especially but they had to have been upset, they just had to have been, it wouldn’t make sense for them to not have been angry. Angel may have been able to make a difference. Hell, they probably felt that If he’d been there that she might not have died. Which she might not have….actually…she wouldn’t have. Angel wouldn’t have let her, not for anything. For that he knew that they had to be angry even if they didn’t want to say so. The angry remained within them surely. It remained within himself, so it had to be the same for them too. ”You should have called…I could have brought my crew to Sunnydale, It might have made a difference.”

The emphasized word in that sentence was ‘might’ considering as he wasn’t sure if it would have changed the outcome, he just felt guilty wondering if it would have.

There had been things going on in his life at that point too but he still would have dropped everything to come to Sunnydale. Since Angel hadn’t ever really heard the story of what had happened with Glory he made sure to pay attention. Not only did he want to know but figured he’d need to. Being that Buffy would always be in his life now because of Katheryn (as he wouldn’t split them up for anything) he should know everything he’d missed while he was away from her. Some of it he didn’t exactly want to know as in the case of Spike and Buffy in the bathroom back in Sunnydale, but he needed to know everything including the bad. The only thing Spike had ever really talked about had been him shagging Buffy, bragging on occasion only to piss Angel off. It may not have even been those exact words either as he didn’t remember or care to remember. Still the two had an animosity between them now for centuries and it had just intensified with this new knowledge Angel had acquired. Seeing Spike dead wouldn’t bother him one bit, he might even smile when it finally happens. Angel didn’t have a good past either but what he’d done to Buffy while claiming to “love” her was unacceptable. He would pay for that one day. One day soon.

Although he hated to admit it he actually agreed with her. While his crews presence might not have made a difference, he still felt guilty over it. At hearing this he shook his head clearly not caring. ”I don’t care. You still should have told me”

[/color] the vampire said through gritted teeth. Sure it made him angry that she hadn’t even bothered to call him. Hey honey, going up against a hell god, wish me luck would have sufficed just fine. However he knew that she realized if she’d told him, he would have been there and she clearly hadn’t wanted that. Plus they’d already have the conversation where they decided to stay out of each other’s lives. Not only that, but Angel tended to be quite the hypocrite when it came to her. While he wanted her to let him know when she went up against big bads like that, he hadn’t ever told her about the ones he’d faced. Not once had he mentioned going up against the beast or the senior partners and the black thorn, for the same reason she hadn’t. It had been his town and his responsibility, and he hadn’t wanted to pull her into it. Once he realized this he decided that he wouldn’t say anything else about her failure to call him. He understood where she was coming from, despite how much it still bothered him deep down.

Although he didn’t like to hear about when she’d first come back, it was a part of who she was. He had seen her when she’d come back. When she picked up the phone and he heard her voice, he had to know if it was really her or just him hearing what he wanted to hear. When they’d met at a park halfway between Sunnydale and Los Angeles that night it had been one of the happiest days of his life. Though she cried and he even lost a tear or two, he was happy that she was back. He knew it was selfish as she clearly didn’t want to be…but he was. Selfish or not he was overjoyed to see her hazel eyes look into his once again and to even feel her lips on his as he had. They hadn’t made out or anything like that, but had shared several tender kisses of comfort.

The vampire simply hated to hear about what a bad place she’d been in after that. The fact that he hadn’t been there killed him. She hadn’t asked him to stay because she knew he would have and that would have made her guilty. It was almost as if she felt like she was imposing on his life. In reality, she was his life and had been since the first time he’d seen her. He would have stayed with her if she would have asked but she never asked. They talked all night and simply cuddled before they parted ways again. They didn’t see each other for about a year after that, until the final battle in Sunnydale.

With a silent nod he listened as she finished up what she’d been saying. He hated to know that he’d been doing perfectly fine while she had been flipping burgers to pay the bills and keep her and Dawn floating above water. Again he would have been there in a heartbeat (even though his didn’t beat) if she’d only asked. She was too proud for that and that was one of the many reasons he loved her so much; she was the strongest person he’d ever known whether she believed that or not. ”You did what you had to…for you and Dawn, there is nothing embarrassing about that.”[/color] Although she hadn’t said it was embarrassing, he knew her. He knew that flipping burgers wasn’t viewed in her eyes as a suitable job for an adult. However she did what she had to and they made it through and there was nothing embarrassing about it.

Couldn’t risk him? Pfft. That was no excuse to him. ”I – I never even seen the missed call…I should have picked up. I hate my damned phone. Never wanted one”[/color] he told her, cursing his cell phone. He never picked it up when it rang and never seemed to bother with it really. Occasionally he’d use it but it was a very rare occasion if he did so. ”Do me a favor; let me make my own decisions? I’m an adult Buffy.”[/color] His voice wasn’t angry but it was more or less pleading than anything else to be given a choice. If he had been given the choice he would have done things a lot different. She had a way of doing that, doing things without even letting him know or giving him the option to stop it. It had been the same way when she’d went up against the Master. Hell, she’d even knocked out Giles so he couldn’t stop her.

Seeing the look in her eyes when he’d said that he’d felt broken, he looked away. Seeing that look on her face made him feel broken a thousand times over. Feeling her warm skin on his own he found it within himself to bring his eyes up to hers. Although the second they met, he wished he hadn’t. It made him want to crumble and forget everything that had just happened and take her into his arms. He couldn’t crumble, not just yet, he needed more time. Didn’t he? ”I love you, you know tht. That’s never been a question”[/color] he stated simply, needing her to know this. Even if she didn’t currently believe it, it had to be said. It had to be out in the open that he could never stop loving her, that he’d never been able to and never would be able to despite how much easier it would make his life. Nothing with her was ever easy and he knew and accepted this, he had a long time ago.

Brown eyes widened at her suggestion of leaving and going to Rome. Before he even knew what he was saying, he was speaking. Apparently his lips weren’t currently connected to his brain or accepting signals from it at the moment. ”You can’t leave, what about Katheryn? She’s too attached to you…it would crush her. She thinks of you like a mother”[/color] he told her softly, eyes begging for her to not go. Although he was claiming at the moment that it was because of Katheryn, it was also because of him too. Call it selfish or whatever else but even if they weren’t together he needed her to be around him. Even if only to hear her voice or see her beautiful face, feel her presence without actually being with her, he had to be around her. There was no way around that and he knew it, so why didn’t she?

Suddenly he caved. Although he’d wanted to remain strong and aloof it never seemed to work with her. Despite the fact that he was still hurt about everything he couldn’t bring himself to still be angry. She had the tendency to halt his anger whether he liked it or not, he’d never been able to stay mad at her. ”I want you to stay…”[/color] the vampire told her, voice trailing off into the distance. It came out under his breath and extremely quiet but he knew she’d hear him. They were sitting right next to each other and she had superhuman senses as well. But hell, he’d wanted her to hear it. It didn’t mean that they were okay and everything would go back to the way it was, no it didn’t mean that at all. It simply meant that hurt or not he couldn’t seem to stay away from her.

One of his hands reached up to caress her face, as they always seemed to do. It rested on her chin for a moment before laying itself down on her knee as he moved a bit closer to her. Leaning back against the headstone he was sitting against, he looked off into the distance as he thought about things. Without looking back to her he spoke once again, voice very soft. ”I know”[/color] he said simply, acknowledging that he understood how bad she felt. He knew it wouldn’t happen again somewhere deep down in him, and that’s why he’d been able to forgive her in the first place. As he’d said earlier forgiving was easy, forgetting was not.

Although he wanted to keep his distance, he couldn’t help but continuously inch even closer to her. At first he didn’t even really notice that he’d been doing it. Even when he finally did notice, he didn’t care much. Call him a wuss or whatever you like but he loved this damned girl and he wouldn’t lose her over one mistake. Granted it was one very bad, terrible and disturbing mistake, but only one to begin with. After all he’d had a child without her with his ex-lover and hadn’t mentioned it to her, how could it get worse than that? If she was able to get past that and still want to be with him, he had to give this a shot. He owed it to not only her but himself, and Katheryn as well. He didn’t want her to think that this life was all about pain and suffering. He wanted her to have the family she’d always wanted and deserved, even if it meant sucking up his pride and forgetting the betrayal Buffy had made against him.[/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 2,013
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: Don't ask me where this all came from..dear lord. DON'T MAKE YOURS LONG!![/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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She sighed, not having wanted to bring this up but knowing she sort of had to. Her and Willow had talked a lot (well, they had talked a lot after she had finally fessed up, no matter how unwillingly it might have been that she had not in fact been in hell but actually in some sort of heaven) about everything that had gone down while she had been six feet under and she had learned that one of the reasons that she had gone to Los Angeles and not told Angel over the phone (though according to Willow she doubted she would have had the strength to tell him over the phone either way) was that Angel hadn't actually answered the one. Apparently he had been in another dimension saving Cordelia though apparently she hadn't needed saving or something. She didn't really listen much to what had been said, only enough to know that even if she had called him...he wouldn't have been there.

“You weren’t home according to Willow.” She whispered. “You were off in some dimension, don’t remember the name of it or if she ever told me for that matter. Apparently you were saving Cordelia and ended up coming back with another girl? No idea, all I know was that even if I had called…you wouldn’t have been there Angel…so which is worse? Knowing that I didn’t call and ask for help…or knowing that had I called you wouldn’t have been there to answer?” She asked him, no hint of anger or accusation in her voice, simply a resigned curiosity.

"It is embarrassing." She told him before her verbal filter seemed to leave her and she started rambling once more. "Best part about it was when I got to serve Riley when he came back into town...yeah that was real fun." She stated, rolling her eyes at the memory. "Of course finding out that he was married softened the blow a bit as either way he wouldn't have cared being married at all, but it was still pretty humiliating. Luckily I didn’t have to work there long, only a few months before Dawn started high school and Robin realized who I was (though I didn't know it at the time) and offered me the job as the school guidance counselor." She told him flippantly, not even realizing what she was saying half the time. She really needed to go to a doctor and have her verbal filter checked...because it seemed as if anytime around Angel it dissolved into nothingness.

She couldn't help but laugh at his rant before pulling her own cell phone out and showing it to him. "Clearly we have the same stance on technology. I hate this damn thing. Usually I either forget to bring it with me or I forget to charge it. Either way it's usually worthless to me and yet for some dumb reason the entire group refuses to let me be without one. We did perfectly fine back in the 'Dale before we all needed to be connected twenty four hours a damn day." She told him, rolling her hazel eyes. It was the truth though. She hated her damn cell phone. She usually either forgot to charge it, forgot to bring it with her, or simply didn’t turn it on. Then when she got home she had a freaked out Willow or Dawn on her hands asking why she hadn’t answered her phone. You would have thought they would have learned by now that she never answered the stupid thing or turned it on for that matter…yet they continued to hound her about it.

Her eyes flashed at him when he asked her to let him make his own decisions, and one blonde eyebrow quirked in almost a challenge. "Really? Pot...meet the kettle...who you need to realize is black." She told him before elaborating. He had been out of practice for quite a few years with the whole 'Buffy-speak' thing so she figured she should probably ease him back into it. That...and she was mad. "You've made decisions for me a hundred times in the past Angel...and I've never once gotten to yell at you about them. I'm not going to do that now because it would do absolutely no good. But remember something, I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm not in high school, and I'm not sixteen. I'm an adult too. Sure you may have a few years on me..." She told him, throwing him a wink as she said it, making it clear that she knew he was quite a bit than a 'few years' older than her.

"I'm an adult too Angel...and I made the decision about what went on in my town at that time in the only way I knew how. I couldn't risk losing anyone else...so I did what I had to do. I saved the world, just as I was meant to do, and I died doing it...just as I was meant to do. It was my time Angel...and I shouldn't be here. If the same situation came up now I would do it again in a heartbeat...and I need you to understand that." She told him, wanting to be completely honest with him. She didn't plan on dying tomorrow, but she knew that she would sacrifice herself again if need be to save the world. She was the slayer after all, and it was her job.

Hearing him say that he loved her shouldn't have made tears well up in her eyes, but it did. She wasn’t sure why but a part of her wondered every time he said it if it would be the last time she heard it. He was the only one she ever actually believed the words from, though she knew others had meant it in the past...but hearing those three words from him...they actually meant something to her...simply because they felt the same way about each other. "I know that, and I love you too. More than you'll ever know." She told him on a whisper...not knowing what else to say about it. They loved one another, that much was clear. Hell people in Sunnydale still asked her about him four years after he had left...wondering where he was and how he was. When she tried to tell them that she didn't know they simply rolled their eyes at her and said something along the lines of 'yeah right'...apparently none of them believed her when she tried to explain that they hadn’t been in contact much since he left.

Hearing that Kathy thought of her as a mother made her heart break, but not for the reasons he would have thought. "Angel...I love your sister...but she can't get that attached to me. I'm not immortal Angel...I'm a human...and a slayer at that rate. There's a good chance I won't make it to twenty six...let alone thirty or forty. I tried keeping my distance from her but when shit hit the fan she needed someone and because of my closeness to you she clung to me. But now that you're okay again...and you're back with her...I've been trying to stay away...because it's easier for her. I saw what my sister went through when I came back...heard stories of what she went through when I was gone...I wouldn't wish that upon anyone...especially your sweet little sister. So maybe it's better that I do go...then both of you could move on." she stated, trailing off quietly at her last statement. It would break her heart, but she would do it. She loved him...and Kathy...too much not to. His statement of wanting her to stay broke her heart, but she stood by what she had said previously. She would leave if she had too, though she didn't want too. Being in Rome was like being on vacation, whether she was working or not...but being here was like being home...it felt right...but being the slayer she knew that nothing ever truly felt right for long.

Feeling him inch towards her in a way that she could tell he wasn’t even fully conscious of made her heart sore. She knew that realistically she should back off, give him space, but she was selfish when it came to him. She would admit to being ungodly jealous when she had heard of his friends and family in Los Angeles…not because she wanted him to be alone…but because it meant that he had truly made a life without her. She didn’t want him to love anyone like he loved her, and that was honestly one of the most selfish thoughts that had ever entered her brain. Shouldn’t she be happy for him if he was happy? She could say she was, and a part of her might mean it…but the other part was simply devastated that the times when she had been his world had ended and she hadn’t been ready to let that part go. So feeling him want to be close to her made her melt, and before she knew what was happening she felt her head lean over and rest against his shoulder. She wasn’t in his arms, wasn’t in his lap or being held…however it was close enough for the moment.

It was more than she had ever thought possible.

Word Count:: 1,600
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Better be glad I love you. Lol. I could have made this a ton longer but I tried my hardest not too. Sorry it’s as long as it was but it’s Buffy and she rambles. Lol

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[angel]

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You weren’t home according to Willow.

Apparently Willow had divulged in all of the details to Buffy of the day she had visited him in Los Angeles. He distinctly remembered it to this day, walking into the hotel to see Willow waiting there for him. Without her even needing to say anything he had known that something had happened to Buffy. Just seeing her red puffy eyes alerted him to the fact that the love of his life wasn’t alright and in that moment, he knew he wouldn’t be either.

That day had definitely been strange in the least. In an attempt to rescue Cordelia, the gang had gone into another dimension by the name of Pylea. In actuality Cordelia had been their queen of sorts and wasn’t in any danger, though they brought her back anyways. Pylea also turned out to be holding another prisoner from Angel’s dimension by the name of Winifred Burkle. They helped her return to their dimension after she’d been there for a few years and she became a regular member of the crew. Over the years together Angel actually grew quite attached to the girl, until she was taken over by Illyria. Illyria’s whereabouts were still unknown at the moment and for a moment he vaguely wondered where she was and what she’d been doing. Hopefully she hadn’t been causing any destruction but with her one never knew.

Focusing his attention back to the slayer beside him, he offered her a small nod of his head. ”We were in Pylea…We’d thought that Cordelia was in danger, but the people there actually ended up worshipping her as their Queen. It was odd…we brought back Fred, a girl who had been taken there years ago.”

Although she probably didn’t need the details of where he’d been he told her anyways. After all she’d been telling him things tonight he’d never known so he felt obligated to tell her things about their time apart that he’d done as well. Considering that they obviously were going to be in each other’s life, it seemed only logical that they would need to know everything about one another. After having spent so many years apart there was probably a lot they didn’t know about one another, something that would hopefully change tonight. Obviously there was too much to talk about in just one night but they would continue talking after tonight hopefully. That was something, wasn’t it?

Hearing her question, it couldn’t be helped that it brought his spirit down a bit. He hadn’t ever thought of it like that and hearing her ask him that question broke him just a little bit more than before. ”The latter..”

[/color] he whispered back, voice barely even audible. Thinking about her asking him for help and not having been able to help him would have killed him. Not being able to help was far worse than never being asked, something she obviously understood. So maybe it was better that she hadn’t called for both of them. Not only would it have killed him but it would have upset her too. Knowing that he was off helping Cordelia instead of her probably didn’t help things either. Buffy and Cordelia hadn’t ever really gotten along, they had a similar animosity as him and Spike had. Now he found himself wondering if she knew about him and Cordelia and their brief…well it wasn’t really a romance, in actuality he wasn’t sure what it had been. However that probably wouldn’t be the best thing to bring up right now considering that they were talking and being civil for the time being.

It didn’t seem embarrassing to him but he’d already known that she found it to be, flipping burgers that is. Angel hadn’t had a real job…ever, actually, unless you counted Wolfram & Hart. So okay he had indeed held a real job but it hadn’t seemed like one. He had still been helping people as he always had so it hadn’t seemed any different. Hearing Riley’s name being brought into this didn’t make him feel any better. Although he’d once told Buffy that he didn’t like him (obviously meaning that he approved) he still hated thinking about her with someone else. If it would have made her happy he would have sat back and watched as they got married and had children…always having known that was a possibility. It would have killed him inside and broke his heart but he would have done it if it meant she would have been happy. He always wondered why Riley and her had broken up but hadn’t ever asked, not sure if he would like the answer or not.

”Why did he leave? If the answer is going to piss me off, don’t tell me. I’m just curious…you never mentioned it”[/color] he asked softly. Obviously her and Riley breaking up had actually been a good thing for him but it still made him wonder. The boy had seemed to almost be perfect for her so the fact that he had left and gotten married to someone else actually shocked her. ”Robin?”[/color] Angel asked, a hint of jealousy in his voice. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been another love interest for the slayer. Angel had no clue how many people she’d been with since they’d been apart. He knew about Riley and Spike, but wondered if there had been more. It had never seemed his place to ask until in this moment. For some reason in this moment he felt justified in his question.

As she pulled out her own phone, he fished around in his pocket for his but didn’t come back up with his. ”I’m the same way. Hell I don’t even know where mine is”[/color] he said with a small chuckle. Truth be told he figured it was probably down in the basement at the boarding house somewhere but he really wasn’t sure. He knew Katheryn had probably texted him sometime tonight but even if he had it, it wouldn’t have made a difference. ”And texting? I have no clue how to read the damned things let alone reply to them.”[/color] Honestly he knew that even if he knew how he wouldn’t text. Could you imagine that, Angel texting someone? That would never happen, not in a million years.

As Sunnydale was brought up, memories flooded back to him of the days he’d been there with her. ”Maybe I wouldn’t have come to your window so many times if we’d had these things”[/color] he said with a small chuckle. However he had liked coming to her window to talk to her and occasionally even make out sometimes. Even to this day he still cherished those memories with her, the days when everything was even simpler than now, though still complicated.

Realizing that he’d probably just opened up an entirely different can of worms than he’d meant to, he simply looked away as she berated him. Alright so she wasn’t quite literally berating him but she was definitely going off. However he simply let her elaborate and finish speaking before he spoke up, not wanting to interrupt. Angel was a good listener, especially considering that he didn’t talk much. ”Okay, okay. So I’m a hypocrite. Bite me”[/color] he simply said, though he didn’t say it angrily. No instead he was trying to lighten up the mood a tad as it had taken a dark turn that he didn’t want it to go towards. Even though he still held a bit of resentment towards her for her betrayal he was enjoying simply talking to her like this; like old times. At hearing her declaration he only nodded sadly. Honestly he wouldn’t argue about it with her, he knew that she’d do what she wanted in the end.

Seeing the tears well in her eyes he readied himself to brush them away but they didn’t fall just yet. Instead they simply began to accumulate next to her hazel orbs and he hoped they never would fall. No matter how many times he’d seen her cry he would never get used to it. Even though she said he’d never know how much she loved him, he did know. He knew because it was just as much as he loved her; more than anything in the entire world. No matter what happened; she was his world.

Shaking his head in disapproval he obviously disagreed with what she’d said about Katheryn. ”What do you think will hurt her more? Knowing that she had good memories with you after you’re gone, or knowing that you were alive and left her?”[/color] Even though he knew it was a bit harsh he didn’t care as it was completely and utterly true. It would break Katheryn’s heart more if she left her to live elsewhere than if she passed. Plus, Angel didn’t like hearing about Buffy dying one bit. Anger flashed in his eyes as everything else she had said registered with him. ”Don’t say that. If you were gone…I -- I couldn’t live without you. I don’t want to have to”[/color] he said, throwing his resentment towards her out the window. He no longer cared, he didn’t want to waste any more time without her.

As the slayer laid her head on his shoulder, he felt his entire body grow at ease. All of the anger he’d been holding towards her seemed to simply seep away into the darkness. One of his arms reached around her to pull her closer, though he hadn’t realized he’d been doing it until it was already done. Pulling her closer to him he did something that surprised even him. He laid a kiss upon her head as she laid against him.[/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 1,623
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: I know the feeling. This was me trying to make a short post.[/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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Hearing that he was in another dimension saving another woman was like a punch to the chest though she kept her face emotionless. She didn't want to admit that it hurt that even if she had called him that he wouldn't have answered. It made her thankful that she hadn't thought to ask for his help...because she would have been devastated...as would he have been. They had help...maybe not enough...but either way it wouldn't have changed things other than allowing them to say goodbye to one another. Maybe that would have been enough. Maybe if Angel had been there when it all went down he would have somehow been able to convince Willow not to bring her back...maybe...maybe...she didn't know. She had wondered something for a long time and with getting everything out in the open she figured now was the best time to ask. “Angel…can I ask you something? If you don’t want to answer that’s fine…it’s not exactly something that’s going to make me feel better one way or another…but I just…I need to know. If you would have known that Willow was planning on bringing me back…would you have stopped her?” She asked quietly.

She knew Spike had told her that if he would have known he would have stopped her because realistically he knew that there had been a good chance that whatever they brought back wouldn’t have been her. However he also knew that the reason that they hadn’t told him was because had it had been a zombie or something else and they would have had to send it back…he would have fought them tooth and nail. As soon as they had that conversation she had wondered in the dark recesses of her mind had it been Angel, would the situation had been different or would it have been the exact same?

Hearing Angel ask why Riley left made her want to laugh to be honest. He just seemed to be asking for it tonight since technically Riley (and Xander for that matter) blamed her inability to love Riley on him...though he had been gone for over a year. “No matter what Angel…whether we broke up because of mutual distance or if he would have cheated on me…it’s going to piss you off. Besides, I’m not going to keep anything from you. You want my honest answers I’ll give them. Keeping secrets are what hurt us before…I’m not going to do it again.” She told him before going into her explanation. “Riley left because of a lot of different reasons. I won’t go into everything but I will start a few months prior. I’m not sure if you knew it or not but Dracula came into town beginning of my sophomore year of college. He uhh…I don’t know how he did it but he sort of…put me under his thrall so to speak? And I uh…” She trailed off…not really knowing how he would react to another vampire biting her. “I sort of let him bite me.” She stated before continuing.

“After that Riley was sort of on edge about anything and everything. He didn’t really deal well with me patrolling without him, me being stronger than him, me not leaning on him when I should…it sort of all piled up until he started blaming everyone but me.” She stated before realizing that beating around the bush wasn’t going to do any good. “He apparently wanted to see what I felt like when I was with you or something along those lines. He wanted to know why you and Dracula had so much power over me…so he went to the vampire equivalent of a whore house as I called it and allowed vampires to bite him. I didn’t know about it and I’m still not sure how long it went on for but Spike found out about it and of course came and told me. I confronted him about it and he essentially told me that if I didn’t start needing him he was going back to the army. He offered me an ultimatum. I went and talked to Xander and he tried to talk some sense into my head that I was letting a good one go. I tried to stop him but I didn’t make it in time. After he left I realized it was for the best. He was right…I couldn’t ever need him the way he needed me to. I promised myself that I wouldn’t ever be that dependent on anyone ever again…and I thought I had made that clear when him and I started dating…but apparently he hadn’t believed me. It was my fault that he left and I’m happy for him that he found a girl who he’s compatible with. Because I never was…and I could pretend that I was all day long but in the end I knew that I wasn’t right for him…and I accept that.” She told him before rolling her eyes at his thinly veiled jealous comment about Robin. “Robin Wood…his mother was a slayer…Spike killed her. She was the slayer he killed in New York. He found out that I was the slayer…and he befriended me so to speak. I didn’t know who he was at the time but he did pretend to take me out on a date. If it makes you feel any better Spike interrupted it and then later on Robin and Faith hooked up for a bit.” She told him with a laugh. “However there were never any romantic feelings on either of our ends. I said yes because everyone told me I should, he asked me out because he wanted to know more about the slayer stuff.” She explained.

Snickering a bit at Angel not knowing where his phone was and then not knowing how to text, she shook her head. "Well that's going to have to change. That's the ONLY thing I know how to do on these stupid things. Are you telling me you wouldn't text me if I sent you one?" She asked, batting her eyelashes before laughing at herself. "Yeah we all know that's not true. I can't read them either...especially when they send me those stupid text speak things with the letter U for you and crap...annoys me to no end. I may not be the most intelligent person in the world but I do appreciate proper English." She ranted while punching him in the arm. “You know damn well you would have still come to my window…you got to show off your mysterious disappearing into the night man tricks.” She told him with a laugh. Doing exactly what he told her to she leaned in and bit him gently on his arm before releasing his skin and grinning innocently at him. "Hey...you asked for it." She stated with a giggle. “You should know better than to tell me to do something and expect me to do anything but…remember I take orders really well.” She stated with the roll of her eyes, clearly showing that she knew damn well she had never been one to follow orders.

Sobering up she knew she had to figure out a way to explain to him how she felt about the situation. "What would be easier? Knowing me...knowing who I really was...or having this image of me as some random girl you used to date? I don't want to hurt her Angel...and that's all I'll do. I don't want to leave her Angel...she's the sweetest little girl I've ever met...but I don't want to hurt her. That's all I ever seem to do is hurt people...and I don't want to do that to her." She tried to explain, though she doubted he could see why she felt as strongly about it as she did. “If you knew you would die tomorrow…would you give her memories of you, allow her to get used to you and then hurt her that much more when you died…or would you let her go on with her life as she had been as to not cause her anymore grief?” She asked him, knowing it would be a painful question but not knowing how else to phrase it so that he understood.

"I'm not going to lie to you. Angel...you're going to have to live without me eventually. I'm human...I will die one day. Probably a lot sooner than most. And you're going to have to live with that. You're needed here...you are a Champion...and one day you'll make your amends...and..." She trailed off before taking a deep breath. "If and when that day comes...I need you to promise me that you'll let yourself be happy. That's all I ever wanted for you Angel...was for you to be happy." She told him, a tear rolling down the curve of her cheek. Feeling him pull her towards her she relaxed her body, smiling and simply burying her head deeper within his shoulder at the kiss he placed on the crown of her head. She knew they weren't back to normal...she didn't know if they ever would be. But this was a start. Tonight was a night for admitting things, for talking things out...for trying to understand. She knew they had other things to talk about and they would...because they would get through it. She had to have hope or else...really...what would she live for?

Word Count:: 1,584
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Don’t hate me…I tried…I realllly realllly reallllly tried…but yeah. I fail. Lol

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