::Angel:: Lifeless

[angel]

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Would he have stopped Willow from bringing back Buffy? That question was much more complex than any he had answered all night long. In fact it nearly devastated him to have to think of it at all. A part of him knew the answer the second that she said it, though he didn’t quite know how to explain it. As he thought about how to tell her his brows furrowed while he thought hardly. Eyes swishing back and forth between hers and her lips, and the ground. If one looked close enough they could probably just barely notice his bottom lip quivering as he tried to think of the right thing to say. In this situation he felt as if there wasn’t a right or wrong answer. As if no matter what he’d said it wouldn’t be right or good enough for her. Not that she was hard to please (though she was) but because there wasn’t a good way to say this. So he basically said screw it and just said it anyways.

”Yes.”

Immediately his hands rushed to cup her face, knowing that his answer would surely hurt her feelings. His eyes desperately drew to hers to try and gauge how she’d taken it. It wasn’t being taken well at all from what he could see. It hadn’t been meant to hurt her feelings or insult her, his eyes begging for her not to be angry. ”Listen…I know about magic. Everything has a consequence…and I know that. To bring you back for a second time…It – it just couldn’t be that simple and I would have understand that. Willow and all of them, they didn’t care about that. They were reckless, stupid and above all, selfish.”

[/color] His voice seemed very passionate when he spoke, though at the same time hoping he wasn’t going overboard.

However he wasn’t sure if he would have actually acted this way in that moment. Hell when she had first died, Willow had thought that she might have gone to some sort of hell dimension. The dimension that she died to close had been a hell dimension, so why would she have gone anywhere different? Angel knew better, however. He had been killed by Buffy to stop Acathala from rising. However, he hadn’t gone to Acathala’s home dimension. Instead he had gone right to hell. Being who Buffy was…Angel had a feeling she might go where she deserved. However when she came back and acted the way that she did, he immediately figured out that she hadn’t gone to heaven. Of course later she’d proven him wrong once again by letting them know she had, but he hadn’t thought that at first. Nonetheless it had been a very confusing situation, one he still didn’t particularly like to think about even to this day.

”Probably, but I’m still curious”[/color] he told her softly. Of course it’d piss him off, wasn’t that a given? Sure he’d acted like it wouldn’t but they all knew it would. He was Angel, she was Buffy, and he was asking about her ex-boyfriend. That right there was just asking for an appearance on the Jerry Springer Show (he only knew about that show from Cordelia). However he cocked his head to the side as he listened to her story, honestly curious about the whole thing. He’d never liked Riley but had originally thought he’d be good for the slayer. Angel had believed that Riley would have given her the normal life she deserved. As he soon learned, she hadn’t ever wanted a normal life, not really anyways.

Hearing that she’d let Dracula bite her, Angel’s eyes flashed anger quickly, wanting so badly to say something but restraining himself. As earlier, right now was just not the time for that. ”Dracula is a pansy…if he didn’t use the thrall, he’d starve. Especially with that hair”[/color] he said like a twelve year old. Over Buffy, Angel sometimes has the tendency to act quite immature. Now usually it’s when he’s around Spike but not always. As she told him that she’d gone after Riley that night he felt himself a bit hurt. However fortunately for him, she went on to say that she realized it was for the best anyways. Good thing too as Angel was no second fiddle and had no desire to be played like one.

Angel simply nodded to her explanation about Robin Wood. What else did he have to say? Plus, Buffy was definitely talking enough for the both of them per usual. While he was a man of few words she was a woman of many. It was fine with him though as he preferred to listen anyways. It really worked out rather well.

A light hearted chuckle came from the centuries old vampire as she joked about texting. ”I would if I could…well, probably not actually”[/color] he told her with a smirk. Not only did he not know how to text but he didn’t plan on learning how to. The whole idea of electronics just seemed to kill the real face time in the world, which he didn’t like. ”Cordy used to text me sometimes, though she knew I never even opened them and then she’d always yell at me later.”[/color] Although he said this with a laugh, he soon realized he probably shouldn’t have said it at all. Not only would it probably annoy her that he’d used her nickname out of intimacy, but he didn’t want to bring her up really at all with Buffy. Despite them never having actually been together, a part of him had felt for her at one point. That would not be a fun conversation, and wasn’t one he ever hoped to have.

”Hey, you fell for those cryptic tricks”[/color] he said softly, joking but being oddly serious at the same time. Yeah, Angel was kind of weird. One just had to get used to it. Even though she was biting him, just her skin being on his in that way brought flashbacks of her and Angelus. Awkwardly widening his eyes, he looked away and out into the cemetery. He hated that he couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d done but he couldn’t help it.

Taking a moment to decipher her ‘Buffy language’ he tried his best to understand what she’d said. In fact he did quite understand, just simply didn’t want to think about. Only shaking his head he continued to look off into the distance. He knew that she was right and didn’t want to push the fact, but also didn’t want to dispute it. While it may have been right it wasn’t something he supported and didn’t want to encourage it either.

A silent nod was all that he could afford at the depressing revelation that she had just said aloud. However he knew that with this one, silence simply wouldn’t do. Allowing her to snuggle into him further he took a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking. ”I know that you’ll be gone eventually and honestly..I hope I don’t live to see that day. How could I be happy without you here? Without you living…even if you’re not mine anymore, I can’t stand to think of living in a world that didn’t have you in it.”[/color] As he finished he lifted her off his shoulder by moving slightly and looked intensely into her eyes. Desperately he wanted to lean in and kiss her but didn’t, knowing that he probably shouldn’t. Not this soon.[/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 1,247
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: A littttle shorter lol.[/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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Hearing Angel say that he would have stopped her was a relief and also a knife to the gut all at once. She was relieved to hear that he would have somehow on a fundamental level known that bringing someone back from the dead was wrong...but at the same time for a split second she wondered if it was because he didn't care enough to do so. Realistically she knew that neither one were really the truth but she still couldn’t help but thinking that way. She loved him more than life and would do anything to bring him back if she ever lost him…but she hadn’t when she sent him to hell. She never looked, never tried…because she hadn’t understood how. So why was it any difference for him?

Feeling his hand cup her face her eyes bore into his, begging him silently to explain. She had known no matter what the answer was that she wouldn't be happy, but for some reason she had to ask...she had to know. It was one of those things that had plagued her since she had been brought back and Spike had explained to her what he would have done. Hearing his reasoning she nodded, letting him know that she agreed completely. "I know, they were selfish...and it's something to this day I struggle with. I can say that I forgive them but a part of me doesn't. I think that part of me will always be bitter towards them." She stated, and while her thoughts were on her friends she immediately thought of the other things that she was bitter towards them about. "I'm also not real pleased that they all essentially kicked me out of my own house but we won't go there." She mumbled, not even realizing she had said it out loud.

She couldn't help but giggle a small laugh at Angel's comment about Dracula's hair. Running her hair through his short locks she rolled her eyes playfully. "Now now Angel, we all know I prefer short hair so don't be all pouty or growly." She stated with a giggle, pulling one of his spikes playfully before putting her hand down, not wanting to encroach on his personal space. She knew they weren't back to normal and they might never be, but it was nice to leave the drama behind at least for the moment…she needed a reprieve from the broken hearts and screaming.

Hearing Angel's use of Cordelia's nickname immediately reminded her of her old fears about the two of them. She wasn't stupid, nor had she ignored the rumors that she had heard over the years. She had known a lot more about what was going on in Los Angeles than most had realized...she had just kept it to herself. She had heard through the grapevine that Angel and his 'seer' had gotten closer over the years but had begged anyone who heard her not to tell her anymore. She didn't want to know to be honest. She didn't want to imagine the two of them holding hands or making love. The thought broke her heart and sickened her.

Before she could make a move to move, she heard a rustling behind her. Jumping up she threw a stake through the heart of a vampire who up until he walked through a pile of leaves had been almost completely silent, having not alerted her on his presence until he made noise. Rolling her eyes at Angel, trying to break up the awkward silence that had fallen after he mentioned Cordelia and she had bit him she shrugged, sitting back down but keeping herself a bit further away this time, not wanting to give either of them any ideas. "Yeah, I fell for the cryptic lines hook line and sinker." She stated with a shrug. "I won't deny it."

Looking into his eyes at his revelation she couldn't help but allow a single tear to fall from her lashes. "No matter what happens Angel...I will always be yours. I've been yours since I came into Sunnydale when I was sixteen and I was yours the day I died. I was yours the day I was brought back and I'll be yours until the day I die again. As for you not living in a world that I'm not in...you can't do that and you know it. You have Kathy to think about too. She's your sister who has looked for you for years. Besides, you have so much waiting for you out there." She tried to tell him, not sure if she was making it clear what she wanted so she figured she would simply tell him as bluntly as possible.

“Angel, you’re the love of my life…well…existence is probably a better word but still. And I’m selfish in wanting you to myself, we’ve established how selfish I can be. But I want you above all to be happy. So when I die, and you find someone you love more than me, then be with her. Find a mother for Kathy, a lover for you… a best friend for you. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, but that’s my problem. More than anything I want you to be happy.” She told him, her heart breaking at the thought of anyone filling what she thought of as her spot with Kathy and Angel…but knowing it was what needed to be said.

Word Count:: 925
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Seeee, I tried to make it shorter.

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[angel]

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Obviously Angel never wanted to have to be without the slayer, that was a given. However all of magic had consequences. If you messed with the weather one day to make it sunny and perfect you were guaranteed a storm shortly after. If you brought someone back from the dead you took the chance of creating a rift, or bringing something back with you. Everything had consequences and he knew he wouldn’t have been on board with bringing her back unless he knew those consequences. Whether or not he loved her he wouldn’t have been that selfish as all of them had. He was a champion and he couldn’t think based on his own wants, he had to do what was right even when it didn’t make him feel the best. It was just one of those things.

Even though he knew this can of worms probably shouldn’t be opened, they already had been opened and so he was forced to respond. Talking about this would more than likely only hurt her but he couldn’t just ignore her. ”They were selfish and you deserve to be bitter, but just try to remember that they did it out of a good place. They missed you. As childish and selfish as it sounds, remember it only came from good intentions. They thought they were saving you from hell…”

he said, drifting off as he began to think of his own time in hell. It certainly hadn’t been fun that was for sure. While it had only been a few months in this dimension, it had been years where he’d been. Years of torture and pure pain, he knew that was one thing he’d never wish on anyone. Perhaps some people actually…but not many.

Perking up at her mumble, he was actually able to understand her. While most didn’t understand her mumbles he was pretty good at deciphering them by now. Desperately he wanted to ask why they’d kicked her out of her own house but at hearing that she didn’t want to get into it, he simply quirked an eyebrow. This way it left it open so that she could explain if she wanted to, and also ignore it if she chose to do that. Either way he didn’t plan on pushing anything on her tonight or trying to upset her further. The both of them had endured a pretty rough two months without each other and they didn’t need to be more stressed out.

While she laughed, he simply gritted through his teeth. He didn’t exactly like the idea of Buffy allowing another vampire to feed off of her. This made him wonder something else…but he wasn’t sure if he should ask her. Not only might it hurt his feelings but it also might piss her off if it never happened, so he took a moment to think. As her hand dropped from his hair, his eyes followed down to look at her hand for a moment while he gathered his thoughts. Finally he decided to just go for it. They had gotten a lot of things out in the open already, so why not just ask? If he didn’t ask, he’d always wonder in the back of his mind. Slowly bringing his eyes up to look into hers, he paused before speaking. ”Spike…did he ever…?”

[/color] he asked slowly, wanting to know if she’d ever let Spike drink from her. He hadn’t exactly finished his question fully but he knew she’d understand what he was asking. Hell, the two of them didn’t even really need words to communicate.

His fears confirmed, he knew she hadn’t liked the fact that he had spoken of Cordelia. Seeing the grimace on his face he made a mental note not to bring her up again. He still missed her and they had been very close, but Buffy didn’t exactly need to know all of the details. Just then he watched as Buffy went into action and dusted a vamp that had been approaching them. Both of them had been so preoccupied that they hadn’t even noticed him until he was almost right up on them. As the dust settled on the ground, blowing lightly across the leaves, he looked back to her as she sat down once again. After the Cordelia comment she had chosen to sit further away from him which honestly wasn’t a surprise.

Although he didn’t smile, his eyes showed a bit of warmth as she admitted to falling for his lines. In reality they hadn’t been meant to serve as pick-up lines, it was just the way he was. However they had served that purpose and he was glad they had. If she hadn’t been charmed by him, they wouldn’t have fallen in love. Despite where they were today Angel would never take back their relationship.

Seeing the tear stream down her slightly reddened cheeks, he couldn’t help but sit there and do nothing as his heart broke a little bit more. It seemed that for every tear which fell from her face, his heart broke off a little bit more. Knowing that she was right about Katheryn, he simply shook his head anyways. No matter what she said he would never admit to living without her. He didn’t want to have to, though knew he would someday and that broke him. It made him feel bad that he could even consider living without her. She had once lived without him and had gotten over it, but he didn’t know how. He had nearly gone off the deep end when she had passed…If it would have been longer than three months, he wouldn’t have been able to deal.


Nearly gasping as he heard her words, he was pretty shell shocked. Immediately he shook his head disagreeing. ”Don’t even say that. There Is no one on this earth I could ever love more than you”[/color] he told her, his voice determined. ”It’s only you Buffy…It’s only ever been you”[/color] he croaked out. Of course he’d slept with other people, but never loved them like he had loved her. Needing her to believe him he did the only thing he could think of. He reached out, pulled her to him, and kissed her passionately. It was passion and yet quick and after it was over, he pulled his lips back but kept them almost touching hers he was close. [/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 1,066
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: Angel gave in [/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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She was glad that someone else agreed with her for once. She knew that most of her friends, even now that they knew where she had been, they thought that they were justified in bringing her back...but she didn't agree. She had wanted to call them out on it many times but had bit her tongue, not wanting to start anything that none of them could truly finish. She loved her friends, loved them as if they were her family, because that's what they truly were, but at the same time she hated what they had done. She had pretended she had forgiven him a long time ago, but in reality it was something that she wasn’t sure if she could ever forgive. She didn’t know if they were aware of the fact that the first had attacked because they brought her back. She had overheard Giles and Anya talking about it once and had never brought it up, feeling the guilt even more than she already had even though it wasn’t truly her fault. She doubted any of them knew, and a part of her, the malicious part had wanted to scream it at them more times than none…but she hadn’t.

Hearing Angel speak again she turned her thoughts away from the small part of her that wanted to hurt those she loved for what they had put her through. She hated that part of her, that was the same part who had slept with Angelus and that part was at the moment caged within her and she refused to let her out again…at least she would do everything in her power not to. See, Angel was wrong. He thought that just because he was a vampire and had a demon inside him that he was different, but that’s what made him the same. She had a part of her inside that she hated as well, so they were a lot more similar than he liked to think.

“Even if they thought they were saving me from hell…it’s hard to forgive them. Their intentions were good but the way they went about it was wrong. Couldn’t they have gone to someone, anyone, and asked them? What about the Oracles? Couldn’t they have answered their questions, telling them that I was in a happy place and to not worry? I understand not leaving me in hell; I didn’t want to leave you. I just didn’t know where to go and I knew Giles wouldn’t help me. Giles would have helped them! So why didn’t they ask? Hell why didn’t they ask you!? You could have answered at least some of their questions or pointed them in the right direction at least!” She ranted before biting her lip at seeing Angel’s raised eyebrow, knowing he wanted to know about her mumble. Damn vampire hearing.

“After Willow brought Faith back to Sunnydale last year…some of the girls thought that she would be a better leader. Well, all of the girls really. I wasn’t letting them have any fun, instead concentrating on trying to train them to survive. It ended up being this huge blow out because I got pissed that no one was listening to me. I didn’t agree with things the way that they were going. Faith was still wanted for murder and I walked into the Bronze to see all these potentials, Faith and my sister fighting with cops. I went postal and when I got home we all had it out. Dawn ended up saying I needed to leave and no one backed me up. I walked away crying and Faith followed me. I told her that it was her job now…that she had to lead them. I ended up staying in an abandoned house for the next couple of nights.” She told him, looking down.

As much as she didn’t want it too, her thoughts went to Spike. He had come to her when no one else had. He had stuck up for her when no one else had. Hell he should be more pissed at her than anyone being that she essentially used him and yet he had been the one to comfort her. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me.I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.

Remembering how sincere his eyes were when he had spoken to her that night reminded her of why she cared about him in the first place. Not that she didn't love Angel because god knows she did, but she wished that Angel and Spike could see the goodness in one another. Hearing his question about if Spike had ever fed off her she knew she had to make him see. “You’re not going to like what I have to say next, but I need you to listen. Spike was there for me when no one else was. After I was essentially kicked out of my own house by Dawn, Willow, Xander, Faith and Giles…he was the only one who bothered going to look for me. He wouldn’t let me quit…he refused to let me back down. I know you don’t like him…hell I sometimes can’t stand him…but he was there for me when I needed someone. I never loved him like I love you…my heart always belonged to you and it always will. But Spike is… honestly…he’s my best friend. Willow and Xander have done a lot of things that I can’t forgive. I love them, but I’m not as close to them as I once was. Sometimes I feel like Faith understands me more than they do. To answer your question, no, Spike never drank from me. Three vampires have bitten me…The Master, Dracula, and you. Look at my neck Angel, yours is the only one that’s ever scarred. Why do you think that is? I belong to you…I’m yours.” She told him, her eyes staring into his, trying to convey her message.

Hearing Angel get angry about her telling him to move on was like a balm to her heart. She didn't know why she was so relieved that he didn't want anyone besides her. Before she could say anything she felt his lips against hers and god did she want to lose herself in him. She kept herself in check though and before she could even understand what happened she felt him pull away. Her hand on his cheek as his lips were almost touching hers still. "Angel?" She asked, not sure what he was thinking.

Word Count:: 1,115 with quote, 1,084 without quote
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: <3

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[angel]

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Even though it might not seem like it, this was indeed a hard conversation for him to have with her. Hearing about how upset she still was over what had happened wasn’t something he liked to hear. It hurt him to know that she was feeling this way and to know he hadn’t helped during that time. Of course he could have if he’d just been around, instead of living his own life in Los Angeles, but one couldn’t go back in time no matter how much they wished they could. So for now he tried to block out thoughts of guilt and heart ache, pretending not to seem upset as well. She needed someone to listen, not someone who wanted to rant as well. She was doing just fine ranting on her own anyways and he knew that was how she liked it.

”Don’t think that I don’t want to listen because I do, I really do, but am I really the one you should be asking all of these things? Maybe you should just confront them, Buffy. Maybe it’s the only way you’ll feel at ease”

he told her, knowing he was walking on eggshells. On one hand he was completely justified in his suggestions. He could tell her a million different things and yet it wouldn’t be the same coming from him. They both knew she wouldn’t get satisfaction from asking someone else, she had to go right to the source and ask. However on the other hand he felt like it might hurt her feelings. He wanted to listen and he planned to keep listening, he just hoped she didn’t take it as if he wasn’t going to. There was nothing more important than her right now other than Katheryn, and she was back at home with the rest of the gang safe. Although she needed to ask the gang these questions he still remained completely concentrated on her and her only, never allowing his eyes to leave her. This was harder to talk about then either of them wanted to admit.

Angel noticed how hesitant she was to talk about whatever had happened in Sunnydale at her house, but was relieved when she began to tell him anyways. If she hadn’t felt like she could tell him, there would have been something very wrong. The two of them had always been able to talk about everything and despite what she had done to him recently; he would still always be there for her. Angel nodded his head slowly. ”Faith has a…strange way of blowing off steam”

[/color] he said, regretting his words soon after. ”I’m sorry that they did that to you…I – I can’t believe Willow would let that happen”[/color] the vampire said shaking his head in disapproval. Things had seemingly gotten a lot better between all of them though obviously, as they all live in the same home. Sometimes he wondered how Buffy kept all of these things bottled up inside her. Although at the same time he knew that it all came out eventually, usually ending up in a huge blow out with yelling included.

You’re not going to like what I have to say next, but I need you to listen

Well, that was never the beginning of a good conversation, was it? It hadn’t ever been in his past experience. Internally bracing himself he nodded just barely to let her know that whatever it was, he was ready for it. Hearing that she had loved him at all broke his heart despite her telling him that it hadn’t ever been in the way that she’d loved him. He finally tore his eyes away as he heard this, looking to the ground sullenly and seemingly a tad bit depressed. It wasn’t easy knowing the love of his life loved another. Was this the time to tell her? It seemed like it would be the only time. If they were going to be honest, she needed to know.

”I understand…”[/color] he paused, taking a moment to gather himself. ”I understand because…that’s how I was with Cordelia. I loved her. Not like I love you, she was my best friend as Spike is to you. She’s --- she’s gone now, obviously, but I thought you should know…”[/color] he managed to choke out, hoping that she wouldn’t flip. He hadn’t wanted to tell her for he feared it would hurt her but it had seemed the perfect timing. Hearing about how she felt with Spike reminded him completely of his relationship with Cordelia and he felt she should know, even if it might hurt her.

Although he was relieved to know that Spike hadn’t ever drank from her, it bothered him a bit that Dracula had been able to. However he did understand the whole ‘thrall’ thing as he’d heard many times about it. ”Always”[/color] he told her softly, replying to the fact that she was his. He was hers as well, always had been and always would be. After their kiss he looked at her, feeling the warmth of her skin on his cheek. His eyes closed for a moment to try and calm himself. If he did what he truly wanted, he would lose himself against her lips again and that couldn’t happen. Or could it? No, it couldn’t, not this soon. ”I’m sorry…Maybe I shouldn’t have”[/color] he said, pressing his face subconsciously further into her hand as his eyes drooped to their knees below them. This night was about getting everything out on the table, he just hoped that they could come back after all of this.[/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 935
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: The cat's out of the bag about Cordelia. Shit is about to hit the fan!![/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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Hearing him ask if she should go to her friends immediately put her on her guard. She should have known that she shouldn't tell him any of this. She knew he respected Willow and Giles, knew he had some fondness for Faith that to this day she still couldn't understand. All she was doing was whining about something that had happened in the past. God could she be any more of a baby? His apology sounded hollow to her ears even though if she would have been in the right frame of mind it may not have. She usually could see right through everything that he was telling her to know that it was the truth but at the moment she felt as if she was looking at a stranger, and that feeling didn’t sit well with her

A knife in the gut would have felt better than the words she had just heard come out of the love of her life's mouth. Cordelia? Really? God... she didn't even know how to respond. She immediately pulled away from him, a knee jerk reaction that she didn't even realize she had done until after she had done so....though in thinking about it she probably would have pulled away either way. She hated the way he put it too...that Cordelia was to him like Spike was to her? Oh god, did that mean?! She couldn't even think the words, let alone ask them and yet in the pit of her stomach she could feel the nerves clench. It was a miracle in itself that she hadn’t been eating recently or else she would have literally vomited everywhere with the way her stomach was in knots.

Realistically she knew that she had nothing to say about this. Not only had they not been together but she had, as he just reminded her whether he had intended to or not, slept with Spike and felt for him things that she should have never felt for anyone but Angel. So why was she so mad? It didn't make any sense to her and yet....she knew exactly why she was so upset and more than anything in that moment she wanted to rail on him...hit him with everything she had inside her both verbal and physical...and yet she didn't. She stayed perfectly still, perfectly silent.

Anyone who knew the blonde slayer knew that when she was quiet and still…that’s when things were bad.

Before she could think of anything to say she stood up and simply walked away, not knowing how to face him and not having any idea how to explain the way she was feeling.

Betrayal

She guessed she deserved this feeling after what she had done with Angelus...though she had been with him after Angel had fallen in love with Cordelia so in all actuality...no. She wasn't going to use this to justify sleeping with Angelus. That's not who she was and she refused to sink to that level…even though a large part of her wanted to.
Her mind was racing as she thought about why she was so upset. No, she knew why, it was articulating it that was the problem. He had left her...not the other way around. He had left her for a "normal life". His words in the sewer only a few days before prom screamed out at her. You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you. She could still remember them talking about children that night as well but she refused to think about that. Everything he had told her that he wanted for her…he had gone and gotten for himself while she did exactly what she told him she would.

She had lived the most un-normal of lives that anyone could.
She didn’t realize tears were streaming down her face as she walked, having no idea where she was going and yet in that moment not giving a damn. She had thought she had hit rock bottom when Angel had walked out after remembering she had slept with Angelus…but no…this was deeper than rock bottom.

This was hell. Pure, unadulterated hell.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket and as much as she wanted to ignore it she knew she couldn’t. No more shirking her responsibilities. She would do exactly what everyone wanted her to do…she would become the slayer that they needed. Looking she saw that it was a text message from Samantha, one of the slayers in Rome. Hey Buffy! Rona wanted me to let you know that you may need to come back for a few days, maybe a week? There are apparently a couple potentials here that need some tough love and they refuse to listen to anyone except the ‘real slayer’ (which let me tell you pissed Rona off immensely. Text me back and let me know if you have any free time! –Sam. Knowing she needed to get the hell out of dodge before she lost her shit she texted Sam back telling her that she’d call her later before continuing her walk, her tears never lessening.

Could she ever get one moment of peace? One moment of happiness? In that moment she knew…it wasn’t just Angel who had a curse upon him…it was her as well.

Her curse was the same as his… neither could have one moment of true happiness. No, that was a lie…seems that he had several eh, moments of true happiness. So maybe it wasn’t him at all…maybe it was her. Feeling the weight of her cross…the cross he had given to her when she was sixteen…around her neck set her off. Before she knew what she was doing she took it off and hauled it into a tree, falling to her knees in an agony that she had never truly known. Maybe she was over-reacting…maybe she was being a hypocrite but she didn’t care.

A fear that had been lingering in the back of her mind since she was sixteen had been realized… And that hurt more than she cared to admit.

Word Count:: 1,043
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: ……….. Don’t ask.

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[angel]

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The second that she pulled away from him he wished that he hadn’t told her. It hadn’t been something that was completely necessary for her to know, it hadn’t been life threatening or anything like that. If she would have never known it wouldn’t have hurt her. However now that she did know he knew it hurt her more than he liked to imagine. He knew exactly how it felt as he’d felt it when he had learned of her and Spike. It was betrayal in it’s thickest and cruelest form, a betrayal that seemed to take the breath out of someone. When he’d found out about Spike it had been like someone had punched him right in the gut. Although he didn’t need to breathe he felt as if all of the air had left him and it was impossible to take anymore in. An uneasy and nauseous warmth had come into his throat, feeling the back of his throat preparing to throw up. No words had left his mouth for awhile after that, he hadn’t known what to say or how to say it. It had been absolutely horrifying. And, he’d just done the same thing to her.

As he got up to walk away he grabbed her arm but she quickly ripped it away and continued to leave, not even looking at him once. Even back in Sunnydale she had always been weary of Cordelia around him, even disliking her for it. It had been one of her biggest fears and tonight he had confirmed that fear. He had told her that even though he’d said he would never like her like that, he’d grown to love her anyways. However Angel had never loved Sunnydale Cordelia, not that Buffy would care, but she had changed. She had grown into a better person, a selfless person who began to have attributes similar to those of Buffy. He wasn’t saying that they were similar but sometimes the goodness in her began to ring out to him, which was when he found himself first falling. It wasn’t justification for anything but at least it hadn’t been the same selfish, bitchy girl from Sunnydale.

Sullen eyes watched her as she walked away from him into the darkness, never looking back to him. That was not a good sign and he knew in that moment that they were done. That after all of these years of being on and off and on and off, that they would finally stay off. Through thick and thin this would be the last thing on the camel’s back, the camel being the slayer. Even after she’d done the exact same thing and been with other people than Spike, even a serious relationship with Riley, this would be their end. He felt love for one other person and for that, he wouldn’t get to be with the love of his life. Even though Cordelia had been there in a time of need, a time where he needed comfort, that didn’t matter. Part of him knew that even though she was being a hypocrite, that he couldn’t blame her. She deserved better even if she’d done the same thing, it was that simple.

However the selfish part of him didn’t care if she deserved better, he loved her for god’s sake, more than anything else in the entire world. She may have betrayed him only two months ago, but he no longer cared. He couldn’t live without her. Deciding to be selfish and not selfless for once, he stood up on his feet. Within seconds he was behind her and watched as she threw the necklace he’d given her all those years ago into a tree. Although it hurt him to see her toss it, what she did next hurt him more. As she fell to the floor he froze for a second, knowing she wouldn’t like it if he touched her. He was being selfish right now though wasn’t he?

Knowing she’d probably put up a fight he went to her despite this. He leaned down on his own knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her tiny body. Pulling her head into his chest, he knew she’d probably flip out and fight him off. He didn’t care. Despite him not being the one she needed right now, he was there and she needed someone. If she didn’t accept it he would try again anyways, she needed someone with her and she needed comfort. As he went to pull her into him, one of his hands went behind her head. As he tried to move her he braced himself as he’d probably get hurt in the process of doing such.

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Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 786
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: Told you this would be short...

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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She truly had no idea what to do. As soon as her cross was out of her hands she wanted it back. It was all she had of him...all she had ever truly had of him. God how symbolic was that damn cross? He had given her something their first meeting that he couldn't ever really touch to begin with... God maybe she should have never taken that damn alley to get to the Bronze...would they have met? Would she have fallen in love with this man who she should hate? Would she need him as desperately as she did?

Yes, they would have...because he had been sent there to watch her. She could still remember the small conversation with Whistler that they had all those years ago when Angel wasn't around and Angelus was doing all the talking. Whistler had brought Angel to Sunnydale to watch her, to help her in some way that neither of them fully understood. Apparently Whistler never saw her coming in the whole ‘getting together with a vampire’ way and had no idea that she would be the one to cause Angel to lose his soul and to become Angelus once again. She to this day had no idea why it had been her but either way, she knew they would have still met.

She tried to think of a time or place where she wouldn’t have fallen in love with Angel but she couldn’t come up with one no matter how hard she tried. Angel was her soul-mate, her true soul-mate, and she knew that no matter what had she met him even for a small moment she would have fallen in love with him. She hadn’t recognized it in the beginning but she knew now she had fallen for him the moment she grasped the cross in her hand. Hell she had admitted it months before Angel himself had…and yet at that moment she wished something she had never wished before.

She desperately wished she had never met him.

God that thought hurt more than anything she had experienced before. She had never, not once, wished she hadn’t known Angel. No matter what she had gone through, no matter how much she had been hurt over the years by either him, herself, or the fact that they were together, she had never regretted it, not once…and yet now. She didn’t know how to get past this.

She had known from Willow that Cordelia had grown up since going to Los Angeles but all she could think of was the girl who constantly pined for Angel when it was clear that she and him were together, the girl who had made her life hell quite a few times, and the girl who had broken Xander’s heart more times than not. She could still remember the stories that Willow and Xander had told her about the three of them growing up together and how she would trash them at every turn. She could still remember her first sighting of Willow and how Cordelia had made fun of her before Buffy could even say hi. Angel fell for that girl? Jesus, did she even know him at all?

She had known through the grapevine (even though she had never acknowledged that she knew) that Angel had been with a couple of people while in Los Angeles. It had bothered her more than she liked to admit but she had kept it to herself, not wanting to talk about it with anyone and not wanting to hear Xander (and most likely Spike’s) I told you so’s which she knew she would if she had said anything.

She didn't hear him come up behind her, to lost in her grief, but she did feel him almost literally scoop her up and pull her to his chest. A part of her wanted to hit him, over and over again until he bled. Yeah, that was the slayer part of her, could you tell? Another part of her wanted to soak up his comfort for a few moments before leaving. The last part wanted to push him away, to lash out at him and scream at him for everyone to hear, to tell him how badly he had hurt her, how fucked up it was that he had the balls to tell her that she betrayed him when he had done the same thing...and guess what...he had done it first.

Can anyone guess which side won?

"NO!" She yelled, pushing him with all her might , watching as he fell back into the headstone behind them. "You don't get to fucking touch me right now Angel!" She yelled out, not giving a damn if anyone was around. "Did I ever mean a god damned thing to you Angel? Is that why you broke up with me DAYS before my fucking senior prom? Did you really show up at prom for me and was it for Cordelia? How many times did you have to return your soul because she fucked your brains out?" She yelled, knowing she was getting quite hysterical but not knowing how else to let it out.

Word Count:: 876
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Heh…I don’t even know.

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[angel]

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It probably hadn’t been the best idea to follow her and he had known that, he had known that since the second he pulled himself up and off the ground. He knew that she needed some time to calm down and think about things, but hadn’t wanted to give her that time. In his mind he felt that if he gave her the time she deserved, that she’d think on it too much and wouldn’t come back to him. It may have been selfish but he hadn’t cared in that moment, not tonight. He had spent his entire life since getting a soul and falling in love with her being selfless and it just wasn’t fair anymore. Watching her walk away had been too hard and despite knowing he shouldn’t have, he’d needed to stop her. It was nearly impossible not to, so he gave in even though it was a bad idea.

However he did It anyways, despite knowing that she’d push him away. As he pulled her closer he noticed just how hard the tears were streaming down her face. It was almost as if her eyes had begun a waterfall in South America, viciously flowing to the point where the pressure could quite literally hurt someone. Desperately he wished he could just wipe them away and never have to see them again. That maybe for once they could just be happy again and then stay happy. It might have been a thought of desperation but he really wished it would come true. If they could only stay happy for a moment at a time, were they ever truly happy? Sometimes even when they were happy, Angel had sort of been waiting for something bad to happen. It seemed that in their lines of work no one ever really stayed happy, so how could they? And he had been proven correct in the fact that they were never happy for more than a moment.

Although he had to admit that when she protested, screaming no to him, he was a bit shocked. He had expected her to protest and hadn’t had a problem with that, but he hadn’t expected her to shout. Something then happened more unexpectedly than the shouting and he felt him flying backwards into a headstone. Normally he would have been just fine and gotten right back up, but it had hurt quite a bit actually. His own head had softened the blow and it in actuality hadn’t been soft at all. He felt something in his skull crack and a bit of blood oozed out, but he made sure not to show the slayer this. He knew she was already upset and he would heal so she shouldn’t be worried about him right now. Though with the mood she was currently in, she’d probably just laugh at him anyways and not care. Still, he kept the injured part of his skull facing away from her anyhow.

Managing to slowly pull himself back up, he watched as she began to literally explode on him. She was hysterically and very, very angry, while also being loud. Luckily for them they appeared to be the only people in the cemetery at the time, or so he hoped. He nodded as she told him he didn’t get to touch her. ”I’m sorry…I --- I was just trying to help”

he sputtered out, though was cut off as she continued to yell at him again. Did she ever mean anything to him, was that a fucking joke? ”You’ve always meant everything to me. I came there for you, don’t be immature”

[/color] he told her, growing a bit angry that she’d even question his love for her. How in the hell could she even think it was possible that she didn’t mean anything to him?

What angered him the most was the fact that she was a gigantic hypocrite. As she shouted off about him sleeping with Cordelia, he sneered at her. ”I never slept with her, Buffy. We kissed. Once.”[/color] Part of him wanted to shout back about how she had no warrant to speak to him like that. She had gone off and slept with god only knew how many people, including one of them as Spike. SPIKE for god’s sake, and here she was screaming at him. She didn’t have the right, it was that simple. If he hadn’t currently been bleeding out of the back of his skull, he would have told her as such, however he was far too dizzy to speak any louder.[/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 759
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: Jesus. Just when you think it's getting better.[/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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Having him call her immature was probably the worst thing he could have said to her in that moment. She was immediately taken back to right before Faith had shot him with the damn arrow that was dipped in poison...yeah his precious god damned Faith was the epitome of all that was good right? If she would have been in the right frame of mind she would have never thought that maliciously about her sister slayer as she and Faith had grown closer over the past year...but clearly she was not in the right state to be thinking of anything realistically.

"It's not the first time you've said that to me so why should I fucking be surprised?" She asked him, her eyes taking on an almost black tint as anger seethed from her pores. I believe it was right before your god damned bestie Faith shot you with an arrow deliberately to poison you. What was the conversation?" She asked sarcastically before snapping her fingers. "Oh that's right...went a little something like me asking you again if any of this was even a little hard for you. You stated something along the lines of..." She trailed off before using finger quotes and talking in a deeper voice "How can you even ask me that... Just because I'm not acting like a brat doesn't mean I don't feel" She stated with a sneer, clearly having come completely out of her shell in that moment and throwing around things that she knew she should never say.

Taking a deep breath she could literally feel her head throbbing as her built up emotions did nothing but explode out of her in tears and in words. She wanted to stop herself, she truly did, but for some reason everything that she had ever wanted to scream at him was coming to the surface and she knew if she didn’t stop there would be no taking any of it back. But did she want to take any of it back? The malicious part of her said to say fuck him and go find someone else who would treat her better than he did…but then there was the other part.

And that little tiny part made more sense than any other part of her brain did. The part that said if she shut up for five seconds and thought about what she was saying and how she was acting then she would realize that her freak out was not at all warranted. Okay, maybe it was…but not on the scale that she was doing it. She knew if she would have thought about it she would realize it wasn’t just the Cordelia thing that had set off her huge break down…it was everything piled up. Things had started a long time before now, hell a good year before she blew Sunnydale up. Angel was the only one she would ever let loose with like this because he was the only one who would take it. That may have sounded selfish but it was the truth.

Stopping her rant for a moment as her chest heaved she took a good look at Angel and realized he was slightly swaying. She looked down at the headstone that she had thrown him into and saw where his head had made contact there was blood, quite a bit actually. She walked up to Angel calmly and grabbed his head, turning it so she could get a better look. Seeing the literal crack in his scull she groaned when she realized how hard she had pushed him. She knew he would protest but she wouldn’t give him a damn choice. Before he knew what hit him she swept his feet out from under him, pushing him in a way that he landed on his back but luckily his head didn’t hit the ground. Grabbing the stake out of her pocket she quickly brought it to her wrist and sliced it open, watching the blood pool before she quite literally shoved her bleeding wrist to his lips, not giving him the opportunity to resist. “Please drink.” She stated, her voice doing a complete 180 from the screaming she had just endured, sounding horse from the tears as well as from the screaming. “I hurt you…let me fix it.” She told him, knowing that even as furious as she was with him (and admittedly herself) she would never want him to be hurt…especially not when she was the cause.

She knew she was being a hypocrite but at the same time she felt it was justified and she would tell him so as well. He had left her for a so called normal life and yet he had hopped on over to Cordelia while her life had literally fallen apart? The knowledge that he had been in another dimension saving Cordelia while she had died literally was the catalyst to her breakdown.

Whether or not he realized it…he had chosen Cordelia over her…and that told her everything she needed to know.

Word Count:: 857
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Alright, Buffy has officially turned bipolar.

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[angel]

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Just when he had thought things might be getting a lit bit better, he had opened his big fat mouth and made them worse than ever. Just his luck, right? He had thought that tonight was about getting everything out in the open and telling each other everything about the time they had spent apart. Since she had dove into her past about Spike and Riley, he had thought that it was safe for him to tell her about Cordelia. Obviously he was wrong, very wrong. Clearly she didn’t want to know everything and he shouldn’t have even told her. She couldn’t handle it emotionally, and he didn’t blame her. When he had learned about Spike he had been the same way. He should have known not to tell her, yet he had anyways. Perhaps deep down he needed to tell her, as he didn’t feel right without her knowing. No matter what the reason he had already told her and it was too late to take it back now.

His eyes widened as she began yelling at him again, even going as far as to throw out curse words and drop F bombs. He knew how angry she was because she rarely ever cursed unless she was absolutely pissed off. As she quoted their conversation that night all those years ago, his eyes dropped to the floor as they frequently did. ”Buffy…I know you still have anger towards Faith, but let’s not bring her into this.”

Great. Couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut? God dammit. He knew that this would only make her even angrier that he was defending Faith. Still, that had been years ago and they were all different people now. There was no sense in bringing up the past like this when they were all so different now anyways. To him, it didn’t hold any validity.

”You know we couldn’t have been together back then. You might not want to admit it, but you know it’s true.”

[/color] Again…why wouldn’t his lips just stop moving? He was digging himself into a deeper hold by the second and he knew it. Yet at the same time he knew that if he didn’t speak his mind, he never would and if things were already this bad he might as well just get everything out. No longer would he hold back what he was saying. If she wanted to act like this then fine, but at least he could say that he’d told the truth and she knew everything. While she might not have wanted to know right now, in the future she’ll be thankful that she found out. It would have been worse for her to find out some other way or from someone else anyways, despite how angry it made her to hear it.

The entire time she had been talking tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Since she hadn’t tried to rub them away, her eyes weren’t quite puffy and red yet though. He hated to say it…but she even looked beautiful when she cried. It made him feel slightly guilty for even thinking it but he honestly couldn’t help it. In his eyes she was the most beautiful woman in the world, even if she didn’t want to believe it. He had begun to have feelings for Cordelia, but had never brought himself to actually act upon them. They had shared a kiss at the very end, but nothing past that. Because he had feelings for her, he hadn’t wanted to go any further. Truth be told he wasn’t sure if he’d lose his soul or not…and this, was something he would never tell the slayer, under any circumstances. That was something he knew that would literally break her heart in half, and they’d never come back from that.

At first when she began to walk towards him he thought she was going to hit him. Which, in all honesty would have been fine with him. He knew that he was one of the few people she could explode on like this, maybe even the only one other than Spike. Fucking Spike. However the second she grabbed his head he knew he’d been found out and that she knew he was bleeding. Only seconds later before he realized what she was doing he was on the ground with her sliced wrist against his lips. The blood went against his lips and he could smell it, but refused to drink it. He kept his mouth perfectly shut. As she begged him to drink he simply shook his head. He would have responded and told her no, but then the blood would have entered into the gap between his lips. So he simply shook his head furiously in response. There was no way in hell he was going to let her do this.

However he didn’t apparently get a choice in this matter as she then quite literally forced him to drink. She pressed her wrist against his lips so forcefully that it forced them open, allowing a couple drops of her blood to enter his throat. The second he tasted the sweet nectar it was over, and he knew he’d given in. As he began to drink more and more from her he desperately hoped that he’d be able to stop. As he drank, he felt his own body growing more and more powerful. Nearly immediately his skull seemed to feel a bit better and stopped bleeding. Before he drained her dry, he pushed her off of him so that she fell to the side of him. His vampiric face was now out to do his predatory side coming into play and for a moment, he just lied there.

”You shouldn’t have done that.”[/color][/blockquote][/color]- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tag: Buffy Anne Summers
Word Count: 959
Outfit: Click here for Angel's outfit.
Click here for Angel's battle axe.
Notes: Yes, yes she is.[/center]

[Buffy Anne Summers]

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Yep, she knew he'd be pissed. She could see the look on his face when she forced her wrist to his lips. She knew he had hated taking blood from her when he was dying, so the knowledge that he had done it because he was simply hurt...yeah wasn't going to go over well. She didn't care though...she wasn't going to let him be hurt because of something that she had done. She had never injured him like that and yet because of her attitude and her breakdown she had done something that she swore a long time ago she would never do again. She broke that promise to herself so it was up to her to fix it.

Feeling him drink from her she could see the almost terror in his eyes as he realized he might not be able to stop. Silly vampire. Did he really think she would let him drain her dry? She would have said that she had stopped Angelus but she doubted that would make him feel any better so she kept that little comment to herself, knowing it would just start world war three and that wasn't something she wanted to deal with.

Feeling him fangs release her wrist she landed with an “Mmf” next to him and sighed, wanting nothing more than to sleep but knowing if she did that he’d wig out. He hadn’t taken that much blood from her and she knew she’d be fine but she was tired as hell…and not from the blood loss. Having a meltdown of monumental proportions as she had just done took a lot out of a girl and while Angel may not know that anyone else would and wouldn’t be surprised. However he would freak out and start talking about transfusions and hospitals so she knew she had to suck it up.

Sitting up slowly she looked down at her wrist and realized she was still bleeding a bit. Okay, maybe slicing her wrist open hadn’t been the smartest idea. She should have just nicked herself on one of Angel’s teeth but she hadn’t thought of it then. Looking down at the pink hoodie that she was wearing and sighed, knowing what she had to do but not wanting to. Unzipping the hoodie slowly she took it off and grabbed one of the sleeves, ripping the bottom off and making it into a makeshift bandage before using her hand and her teeth to tie it around her wrist tightly in order to stop the bleeding.

She had heard Angel tell her she shouldn't have done it but she ignored him until she was done wrapping her wrist before she turned to him, her eyes downcast but her body facing his. "I made a mistake, it was my job to fix it." She stated in a hollow voice. Any other person would be scared to death to know that a vampire who had just been fed her blood was in his game face glaring at her, but she wasn't. She knew him well enough to know that he was mad...but he wouldn't hurt her.

He never hurt her…not intentionally.

Word Count:: 543
Tag:: Angel
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: This post is pure crap, sorry.

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[ADMIN AISLING]