::Sam:: I Should Tell You

[jess]

Jessica Lee Moore kneeled down against the young woman’s grave. She had no idea why she was here, but something had drawn her. She moved the leaves away that had fallen in front of the name, cleaning it with her hands. The flowers that were dry had been replaced with brand new ones only a day or so before hand, though the dry ones still left behind. Her fingers reached out and traced the markings on the young woman’s headstone as she stared at it. The date of birth, the date of death, the name, and the sentiment underneath.

Jessica Lee Moore
Beloved Daughter
January 24th, 1984-November 2nd, 2005

On the side of the headstone where no one ever paid attention, was an inscription. One that her mother used to sing to her when she was younger…one that was more appropriate now than ever before.

Sparkling Angel, I believe. You are my savior in my time of need.

She had been here just months before hand when she had first been brought back, and yet it felt like another life time. She hadn’t done much during her time back on earth…but what she was doing now made it all worthwhile. She felt empty though, because even though she knew what she was doing was a good thing…the only thing…she still felt empty. She knew that it was because she still wouldn’t have the opportunity to be there for Sam…to be in his arms again. She would have maybe a half an hour once she gave up her grace to spend with him to make sure everything went alright…and then after that it would be back to heaven for her…but with no way to come back to earth.

Jess took a deep breath and stood up, walking away from her headstone. Flying out to where her former boyfriend was.

She took a deep breath and looked in his eyes, not giving him anytime to object. She knew this would be painful, but it would be worth it. “You’re going to be just fine.” She told him before reaching inside herself and pulling out her grace, throwing it towards Sam. She doubled over in pain, hating the way it felt as if she had just cut out her kidney with a butter knife, but her eyes were focused on her former lover…the only man she had ever loved.

The white life engulfed him and his eyes flew open, his mouth opening in a silent scream. She watched as a light settled into his eyes before they flew to her…and she knew.

Sam was whole again…he had his soul back.

Word Count: 497
Who: Sam Winchester
Where: Yeah, I took a bit of a post I used awhile ago but I needed a bit to get back into Jess’ head.
Outfit: Click here to see Jess’ Fantastical outfit!
Note: Thanks Britt for letting me god mod for you!
Credit: All graphics belong to Britt. Thanks Britt, you’re awesome!

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[Sam Michael Winchester]

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His eyes widened as he took in the scene in front of him. He knew that he was supposed to be in hell, but there was no way possible that he was in hell, because an angel was standing in front of him. Not an angel in the real sense because that wouldn’t have made his heart stop…no…he knew enough angels, for the real ‘messengers from god’ didn’t even faze him anymore. No, in front of him was his own personal angel…his own perfect goddess…Jessica Lee Moore.

“Jess? How?” He stuttered. It was official, his brain apparently couldn’t cope with hell, not that this was a surprise to him, and instead of dealing like his brother had, he had finally cracked. “Oh damn, I’ve finally lost it. Damnit…” He moaned, okay, so he was being a bit dramatic…that happened from time to time. His eyes raked over her form and for a moment he was glad that he had sufficiently lost his mind. It was better than dealing with being locked in a cage with Lucifer and Michael, watching them fight for eternity and then turning their attention to fighting with him. Yes, this was definitely much better.

His brain turned back to all the times that they had spent together, something that he tended to do when things got rough. He remembered how they met…how they went on several normal dates…to the movies…to dinner…and walks around the campus. He remembered about the night that he told her that he loved her…he had the entire night planned out. He took her to a park that was in the middle of the Stanford campus. It was a place that Jess used to go to read while she waited for him to get out of classes. She had always talked about how peaceful it was…so that’s where he took her. He simply told her that he had never felt that way about anyone and about how much he couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her.

He remembered how she had said the same things back to him and how they had kissed. He remembered when they moved in together…about how they would have stupid water fights while washing the dishes…about how perfect he thought his life was. He also remembered the night it all changed…he remembered when Dean came to ask for help and how he left. He remembered coming back and finding Jess on top of the ceiling…dead…and the flames engulfing her. He remembered his emptiness when Dean killed Azazel and how he thought it would bring him comfort…but it didn’t…it only left a hole that would never be filled.

“Jess?” He asked again, needing to hear her voice…needing her to tell him what was going on. Sure…he had lost it…but what a way to have finally gone insane.

Word Count:: 489
Tag:: Jessica Lee Moore
Outfit:: Will post when I make it!
Note:: None at the moment.

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[jess]

Jessica Lee Moore watched as the light came back to his eyes…that’s when she knew that her sacrifice had worked. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was confused, but that didn’t stop him from focusing his attention on her. That was how it had always been between the two of them. She could still remember when they had been together for those few years how much that he had watched her. He watched every move she made…if she entered the room…his eyes were on her. It was always something that people noticed..that she had noticed.

Jess smiled at him when he choked out his question about how she was here. Then she had to giggle when he thought he lost it. “No Sam, you haven’t lost it.” She told him, walking over to him and putting her hand on his cheek, letting him feel that he was there…that she was there…that they were in the flesh…together…and that it was real. That they were together. She wished it could be forever, or at least for 60 or 70 years…but that was never going to happen. She had made her deal…and while she didn’t regret it…she didn’t like it either.

“Sam…I don’t have a lot of time…do you want to know what happened?” She asked him, hating that she had to bring up the bad things so soon, but that was all she had…was soon. She knew that it would be like she never existed…or at least never came back soon enough…but she wanted to at least explain to him what had happened…how he was back…how she was back…and answer any questions that she could in order to help ease him through the coming times which would no doubtedly be hard.

“Shhh love.” She cooed at him, hoping that he would calm down and let her explain. “I’m here…you’re here. You’re not in hell, you’ve not lost it. Everything’s alright now.” She told him, hoping that her eyes shown with the truth of her statement. She needed him to understand that it was all okay, and that it would continue to be so now.

Word Count: 392
Who: Sam Winchester
Where: Richmond Park
Outfit: Click here to see Jess’ Fantastical outfit!
Note: Sorry this was so short and weird.
Credit: All graphics belong to Britt. Thanks Britt, you’re awesome!

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[Sam Michael Winchester]

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He couldn’t believe his eyes; she was really in front of him. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he felt as if she would disappear like some sort of mirage in a hot desert. He knew that was odd but it was the way he felt. Hell could do some pretty messed up things to a mind as he had found out, but this was by far the best and worst thing it had done so far. Best because he had finally been able to see the woman that he loved for the first time other than in dreams in so long…but the worst because he knew that as soon as he ‘woke up’ or whatever the equivalent was that it would be even harder to deal with not only hell, but being without her once again.

He heard her tell him that he hadn’t lost it but he wasn’t sure if he believed the Jess mirage. Surely if he had lost it, the mirage in his mind wasn’t going to admit that. No one, rather they were crazy or not, wanted to admit that they were crazy…and just those thoughts were making his ‘I’m crazy’ theory a lot more valid.

He could hear her asking questions but he wasn’t focusing on what she was saying, just listening to the sound of her voice. He was trying to re-memorize it for the time would come when she would leave him again and all he would have left would be the memories that he survived on. However when he felt her hand on his cheek, his eyes snapped up and that’s when her realized…that he wasn’t hallucinating.

He wasn’t in hell, not anymore…there was no way he could be. No, he was standing there with the love of his life and wasting time as he was doing it by acting like a moron. “Jess?” He asked her, his voice breaking. “How? Why?” He couldn’t believe it, but he knew it was true. Before he could even think of what he was doing, his arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her to his chest, loving the feeling of having her in his arms again. “Talk to me.” He told her, his tone pleading in the need to know what happened.

Word Count:: 402
Tag:: Jessica Lee Moore
Outfit:: Will post when I make it!
Note:: None at the moment.

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[jess]

Jessica Lee Moore held her former lover, trying to calm him as quickly and efficiently as she could. She knew that this would be hard for him to handle but she also knew he was strong. If anyone could handle everything that she was going to be laying on his shoulders, it would be him. She had never known anyone as strong as him before and she knew that no matter what, he would deal with the burden that she was placing on him with poise and grace…simply to honor her memory. She loved him for that…though she did feel guilty that it was her fault that this was happening to him in the first place.

She heard him beg her to talk to him and for a moment she thought he wanted to hear everything, but no, that wasn’t what he wanted…he simply wanted to hear her voice. She knew him better than most people and she knew the look in his eyes, the desperation in his face when he looked at her. She knew that he needed her, and yet here she was, leaving him again…this time for a place that he knew he could follow if he wanted…but he wouldn’t.

“I’ll explain everything my love…just promise me that you’ll stay calm.” She begged him, her tone pleading.

Jess sighed and took his hand, pulling him towards the bed before pushing him down so he was lying on the bed. She laid down next to him and curled up in his arms, playing with the buttons on his shirt. “You were in hell. I was in heaven. You’ve been there, you know what it’s like. All of a sudden an angel showed up and said I was requested in a meeting. They asked me to come down here to help look over things. I was informed that you were in hell and I became angry. I told them I would only help if they brought you back…so they did. What they didn’t tell me is that they were bringing you back without your soul. You’ve been walking around the past year without a soul Sam…you’ve been with us, with me, for the past several weeks.” She told him, knowing he would need a few moments to process that.

Word Count: 415
Who: Sam Winchester
Where: Richmond Park
Outfit: Click here to see Jess’ Fantastical outfit!
Note: Sorry this was so short and weird.
Credit: All graphics belong to Britt. Thanks Britt, you’re awesome!

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[Sam Michael Winchester]

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He gripped onto Jess, having a feeling though she wasn’t saying it that her being here with him was very short lived. He couldn’t imagine losing her again, but at least he got this time to say and do things that he hadn’t been able to do before. He would tell her how much he loved her and how sorry he was for everything that had happened to her because of him. He would tell her how he had started looking at rings back at Stanford because he was going to propose to her when they were done with school. He would tell her how he used to dream of what their life would be like together…how they would have it all. Kids, a dog, a white picket fence…he would tell her everything. Even if he would lose her again.

He listened as she explained everything that had happened to him and for a few moments his mind was blank. He wasn’t surprised that he had been in hell trapped in the cage with Lucifer and Michael. He had known that was going to happen when he jumped into the portal. He wanted to ask how long he had been in said cage but was almost scared to find out. However that wasn’t the worst part…the worst part was hearing that he had been brought back over a year ago with no soul. “Oh god.” He stated, his stomach churning at the thought of the things that he could have said and done. He didn’t really know it was possible for a human to live without their soul but apparently it was and it sickened him to think that it had been him who had tested the theory.

“I’m sorry…for whatever I said and did while not all together with it.” He stated, knowing that he didn’t have the memoires of those few weeks but knowing that it couldn’t have been good. The look on Jess’ face said it all. He had done something or said something that he shouldn’t have. He used to be able to read Jess like an open book and he still could…for which he was oddly thankful about. “Jess…I need to tell you a few things…things that if I don’t tell you…I’ll regret when I lose you again.” He told her, his eyes welling up but refusing to let the tears fall.

Word Count:: 416
Tag:: Jessica Lee Moore
Outfit:: Will post when I make it!
Note:: None at the moment.

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[jess]

Jessica Lee Moore smiled down at the love of her life, caressing his face as she did. She memorized his eyes, his lips, his smile….everything. She knew soon she would be away from him again and while this tore at her heart, she couldn’t help the satisfied feelings in her that allowed her to be at peace, knowing that she had truly brought Sam back…not only from the cage in hell…but also from walking around as a soulless douchebag for all of eternity. She knew it was crass to say but she was glad that she had been the one to do it…he would live with a little piece of her inside him every day…and she hoped that would be enough for him to get over losing her again.

She felt him cradle her in his arms and for the first time in so long she felt undeniably safe. Even in heaven there was a part of her that was constantly jumpy, constantly wondering when the next person would attack her. She had never been like that, not until her death. However after being killed by a ruthless demon hell-bent on taking her away from the person she loved most…it was a bit hard to get over.

Jess heard Sam’s statement about needing to tell her things and she looked up at him, her small frame fitting perfectly against his larger frame. “Whatever it is Sam…you can tell me.” She told him, smiling and kissing his soft lips gently. “After that, I can give you your memories back if you’re willing. I won’t give you your memories of hell…those can stay hidden…but I’ll give you your memories of the past year so you know what all has happened. They won’t be pleasant but I can do it if you’re willing.” She told him, knowing that while he may not want those memories, he’d take them…because he’d have to know what he’d done.

Word Count: 357
Who: Sam Winchester
Where: Richmond Park
Outfit: Click here to see Jess’ Fantastical outfit!
Note: Sorry this was so short and weird.
Credit: All graphics belong to Britt. Thanks Britt, you’re awesome!

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[Sam Michael Winchester]

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He couldn’t help but be worried as he heard Jess offer to give him his memories back. He knew that he needed too…but he just really didn’t want them. He didn’t want to know how badly he had hurt her, had hurt Dean, and god knows who else. He didn’t want to know that he was a sadistic bastard without a soul…though he had a feeling with the way that Jess was looking at him with so much compassion and sorrow that that was exactly what he had been…a sadistic soulless bastard who had no feelings for anyone.

He didn’t want to know that he was capable of doing things that he had never done and had never dreamed of doing before. He didn’t want to think that there was a reason that yellow eyes had chosen him all those years ago. He saw the way Ava had acted before Jake had killed her…and knew that they were all capable of doing those things. The same thing with Andy’s brother…and Jake himself. Hell, Jake had killed Sam…they were all capable of doing horrid things…just some of them, himself included, didn’t choose to do so. He hated that he was capable of horrible things…but he knew he was.

He nodded his head, agreeing to Jess’ terms just like he knew that she knew he would. She knew him better than most people, with the exception of his brother. However even then, she knew a different part of him…really a different him. Dean knew his childhood self, and his hunter self…but Jess knew his normal self. The self that he wanted to be and would have been if it wouldn’t have been from Azazel or yellow eyes or whatever you wanted to call the sadistic bastard of a demon who literally ruined his life when he was simply six months old.

“Before you died…I was out ring shopping. I wanted to propose to you more than anything. I wanted to become a lawyer so we could have a life together…a life filled with happiness and children and family dinners and lame BBQ’s with the neighbors that we hated…I wanted all of that Jess. And I’m so sorry that you had to be taken away from the world, from me, so early. It was my fault…you were killed because of what…or who…I am…and I will live with that guilt forever. I just…need you to know…how much I love you…I always have and I always will.” He told her, tears rolling unchecked down his strong face. He wasn’t ashamed to cry…never had been. And he knew that she wasn’t sickened by his show of weakness. She never had been.

Word Count:: 467
Tag:: Jessica Lee Moore
Outfit:: Will post when I make it!
Note:: Awww, that last part made me cry.

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[jess]

Jessica Lee Moore smiled softly…her eyes showing her sadness. “ I know love.” She told him, her eyes smiling at him. “And I would have said yes. We were supposed to have that life Sam…if we would have met in a different place and time, we could have had that life.” She told him, her hand caressing his cheek. “But we can’t dwell on it. You can’t dwell on it.” She told him, before sitting up and pulling him to a sitting position before climbing into his lap. “Sam, I can feel it pulling to me. I have to go soon.” She told him, a tear falling down her cheek. “But before I do there’s a few things that I need to tell you.”

Jess took a deep breath before exhaling, her joints stiff as she felt the pull of heaven trying to force her to come home. “There’s someone else out there for you. Someone who will make sure that you are safe and loved. Maybe you’ll have a family one day…maybe you’ll grow old with her. Just know that I will be watching down on you. I’ll do whatever I can to protect you and her. I can see her Sam…she’s beautiful.” She told her, smiling at the picture in her mind of Sam with the girl he was meant to be with in this life. “And when it’s your time, you’ll join me in heaven…and we’ll have our life. But you have to move on here…now…because you can’t mourn me forever.” She told him, her cheek resting against his chest.

“I will always love you, and I know you’ll always love me. But you can’t keep yourself locked away from the rest of the world because you miss me. It’s alright to miss me, I would expect you too, but don’t let life pass you by because of it. I will always be with you in your heart, and that will never change.” She told him, before her body started pulling even harder.

“It’s time for me to go. Just remember what I’ve said and that I will always love you.” She told him before placing a final kiss upon his lips, wiping the tears from his face, and allowing the pull of heaven to pull her back one final time, leaving the love of her life, alone…but whole once more.

Word Count: 451
Who: Sam Winchester
Where: Richmond Park
Outfit: Click here to see Jess’ Fantastical outfit!
Note: This is Jess’ final post on this site. Thanks to everyone who I’ve gotten to know and hopefully I’ll be able to come back once my pregnancy is over.
Credit: All graphics belong to Britt. Thanks Britt, you’re awesome!

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[ADMIN BRITT]