I Am What I Am(Open)

[bobthejeep]

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"How can I forget? I freaked cause I thought it was mine."

The words cut a little harsher than Isabel had expected. A stab of indignant annoyance slicing through her. Michael had freaked because he thought it was his? He had balked at the responsibility of what that might mean for him? Would it have been a little more okay if she thought she'd been impregnated through a dream with, say, Alex? The feeling was completely irrational, of course. Isabel knew that. She knew that Michael cared just as much about how that had affected her, just as it affected him. He had had every right to be freaked. Every right in the world. But part of Isabel couldn't help the sudden irritation.

Maybe because thinking about that day was bittersweet. She had thought for a few terrifying moments in high school that she'd become pregnant through impossible means, with a man who was more a brother than a lover. And she had been so relieved that it had only been a dream, so thankful that it was all just a crazy stupid dream. But now, seven years later, she looked back on that day and she wondered: would she ever feel the terror (the joy?) of not knowing if she was pregnant again? Was that fearful waiting in the Crash Down Cafe the only experience she'd ever have with the possibility of having a child?

Because, let's be honest, what hope was there for her to live some kind of normal life? What were the chances of her ever letting anyone else in? She wouldn't do that to Jesse. She loved him too much to drag him back into the dangers of her life. And she would never let another human into her secret. Not after Grant. Not after Alex. …so who did that leave? Michael? No way. He was a brother to her. Always. Kyle? Ha!

Kivar?

Isabel quickly pulled a napkin from the dispenser, dipping one end into the glass of water the waitress had brought with the menus. She carefully scrubbed at a small stain of coffee from a previous customer, pushing away her thoughts as she focused intently on cleaning the counter.

"I'm sure they don't mean anything bad."

Isabel glanced at Michael, wondering if he might choose his words a little differently if he knew who she had just been thinking of. If he knew who she was hopinghorrified she might see in her dreams.

"We should tell Max."

"No," Isabel said, shaking her head, her long blonde hair tumbling across her shoulder, a thick piece falling over her eye. She brushed it back with her forefinger. "Don't tell Max," Isabel said, rolling her eyes. "He's going to be stressed enough with the idea of me moving here and you--us--all back together."

She shrugged. "Besides," Isabel said, and it wasn't entirely clear if she was trying to convince him or herself. "Like you said, you've had dreams, too, so it's nothing weird." She lowered her voice again. "It doesn't matter anyway. Memories or not, we're never going back."

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[Michael "Mike" Andrew Guerin]

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Michael didn't mean to hurt her with his words, but he could see on her face that it upset her, though she was really good at hiding it. Michael didn't mean it like that, he didn't mean he wouldn't of done the right thing if she was pregnant, though it would of strained the already strained relationship between him and Maria if it came true. But Michael could barely take care of himself back then, let alone a kid. Michael could still barely take care of himself, and he wouldn't of been a good father anyways. Michael knew Isabel was annoyed by it, but she was the one that brought it up.

"Look Isabel, I didn't mean it like that, alright." Michael said finally. Isabel always did this. Whenever something upset her she would focus on something else, even something so small as a coffee stain on the table. Did she want an apology? Michael didn't mean to upset her, he would admit to that, but 7 years ago, the thought of having a kid, and he didn't have a choice in the matter, and he really didn't even do anything anyways, add in the dreams he was having about his "sister", and the fact that he thought if Maria found out she would never talk to him, he was under a lot of stress.

Isabel was too, of course. "What are the dreams about anyways?" Michael asked her, a little curious. She said they were similar to the dreams they had about each other once upon a time. "Ew, your not dreaming about Max this time are you?" Michael asked her giving her a somewhat goofy grin, but it soon faded when he came to the realization of who she really was dreaming about. "Kivar?" Michael asked her. The story of how Isabel got them all killed cause of her love affair with Kivar was famous by now, but it wasn't Isabel, it was someone else. But now, if it were true, and she was dreaming about him.

It was an uncomfortable thought. Michael would rather have her be dreaming about their "Brother" Max then Kivar right now. Isabel finally spoke when he mentioned telling Max. Before it seemed ok of an idea, but if it really was Kivar, then maybe Isabel was right? Michael nodded as she denied him about telling Max. "Maybe your right. But if they keep happening, or they become more vivid, then..." Michael said, then what? Its not like Isabel can stop them from happening. Michael had all kinds of dreams about Antar, and he didn't want them, he just had them. Memories of a planet he has never and will never be to.

Once upon a time, Michael wanted nothing more then to go back to Antar, get out of Roswell, and off of Earth. But that all changed, when he fell in love with Maria DeLuca. He still remembered that day so vividly. Max was all ready to go, all of them were. Michael asked him if he could stay. All he wanted all along was to find a home, and he found it with Maria. "Who cares about stupid old Antar anyways." Michael said a little bitterly. If he knew he was gonna be apart from Maria for 5 years, and may never see her again, then maybe he should of left that day? There was still hope to see her again, and he had to hold on to that.

Tags: Isabel Evans
Words: 579
Notes: None

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[bobthejeep]

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"Who cares about stupid old Antar anyways."

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Isabel felt her heart tighten at Michael's words. Usually, she felt so connected to him; usually, she felt like they understood each other better than anyone else on the planet. The three of them: Max, Michael, and Isabel. They had always been close, always been there for each other. But every now and then, it became painfully clear that Michael wasn't like her and Max. Sometimes, Michael would say something and it would be a harsh reminder that, as close as they were, there were some things that she would never really understand.

And how could she? She had grown up with her brother, safe in the warmth of her adoptive parents' home. She and Max had been given all the opportunities that any human could ever ask for. Joining park district teams, summer camps, after-school activities. They had become human from the moment they'd been adopted. And even that other side--that alien side--had never been all that scary. After all, she had never been more than a bedroom away from her own flesh and blood.

Michael, on the other hand, had been all alone. Foster home to foster home, bounced from one lie to another. He had always been alien first; his humanity just a mask to those around hum. How scary it must have been when he'd first discovered his powers, first realized that he was different from everyone else. He had been alone, with nothing on this planet to look forward to. So, no, Isabel didn't really understand. But she knew that Michael's words--'Who cares'--were just that: words. He cared more than any of them, more than Max, more than her, about finding Antar. He just didn't want to admit it, because, if he did, it would just make it hurt more.

And what a disappointment it must all be! He had finally found out where he was from, only to learn that the planet was in the midst of war, enemy forces ready to kill him if he ever returned to Antar. And Earth? Here, he was forced away from Maria, forced away from his family, only to be hunted by humans that wanted to capture him and---

Isabel pushes away the thoughts, choosing to ignore Michael's last comment entirely. She cleared her throat, giving Michael an incredulous look as the rest of what he said sinks in. "Thanks, Michael," she said sarcastically. "I really wanted a visual of making out with my brother". She laughed softly, shuddering at the same time. Ugh, she would never sleep again if she started to have those kinds of dreams about Max. At least she had been betrothed to Michael. Max was her brother.

Isabel would much rather dream of Kivar.

And, if she were to be honest, there was something exciting about the memories of him. She couldn't exactly seem to remember everything, but she liked the feeling that she got when she thought about him. Until, she woke up, of course. But she wasn't going to tell Michael that.

"No more talk about that side of our lives," she said, waving her hand to the side. "Let's just focus on getting all of us back together." She smiled, sticking her cake with her fork again. She planned to enjoy this meal with Michael--and worry about everything else later.

***CLOSED***[/blockquote][/blockquote]

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[ADMIN ASHLEY]