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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on May 22, 2012 19:27:02 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -She glared at the man who wore her lovers face. “I didn’t say what we had today wasn’t intimate. It’s just the only intimacy I craved. And you’re right, most of day was about me and for that I will thank you because of the fact that I needed something that I didn’t have. HOWEVER that doesn’t mean that I could continue in a relationship like that. I’ve tried that before.” She told him before sending a glare towards him. “Ask Spike how well that worked out for him.” She snarked, hating the fact that she was letting him get to her but admitting silently that at least she was feeling a bit more herself which was a good thing.
Her eyes hardened when he started spouting off things about her worst fear. No, worst fear wouldn't even be accurate. More like the worst knowledge known to man...because she knew it was true. "I'm not denying that because I know that. Though I highly doubt he'll snap my neck." She told him, her tone hard but still if you knew her well enough you could hear the sadness in her voice. "I know he'll never forgive me. I don't deserve forgiveness. I betrayed him in the worst possible way and I hate myself for it. So don't worry Angelus, even though you may think you're getting the raw end of the deal by being shoved back in the cage...trust me...you're not getting the worst of it." She told him, her eyes welling up once more.
Before she could blink she watched as he fell to the floor. Her mind raced as her heart shattered, knowing that this was it. She would never have an even slightly civil conversation again. She'd never heard the velvety voice she loved so much. It was pretty sad when the conversation she and Angelus just had would be considered civil compared to the one she knew she and Angel were about ready to have. She watched as he screamed out, seeing him struggle to remain in control. Before long she saw the light flood into his eyes and watched as he fell to the floor. Her eyes kept watch, waiting until what she was looking for happened. Guilty brown eyes met hers as she heard her name flood out of his mouth. She remembered the last time he had regained his soul, knowing she only had a few moments where things were muddled. He didn't know what she had done yet...but he would soon. "Angel." She stated, looking in his eyes once more to be sure before walking towards the other room, pulling up a mat and screwing in the combination, grabbing the keys to the chains.
Putting the concrete and mats back down she walked out, quickly undoing the chains. "You're alright now." She told him quietly before turning her back to him, knowing that once he remembered he'd hate her. "Kathy's safe so don't worry. Everyone's safe for the most part. All your stuff is still here. I'm...I've gotta go." She told him before turning away from him and going back to sit against the other wall, still close to where they could see each other but far enough away that he could move around. She wanted to run, wanted to put as much distance between as possible….but she couldn’t.
No matter what she had done Angel didn’t deserve it…and he sure as hell didn’t deserve her turning her back on him. So she waited, not knowing how long it would be before his memories returned. “Are you okay?” She asked him, breaking the silence…though still keeping her eyes from his.
Word Count::635
Tag:: ANGEL!!!!!
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Oh god, this is going to be awful. Lol. Damn our threads for being so epic!!!
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Post by angel on May 22, 2012 20:02:37 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -In an instant it felt like he was waking up from a dream.
His entire body was warm for a moment, his eyes were blurry. When he was finally able to look around he realized he was in the basement of the boarding house. There was a strange ring on his finger, one he hadn't ever even seen before. As he looked down to his hands he seen that he was chained to a metal pipe behind him. Finally looking up to Buffy, his eyes traveled all the way up her body. Finally meeting her eyes, his own were filled with confusion. He breathed her name, barely even speaking above a whisper. His head was pounding right now like he'd drunk an entire pirate ship of rum and his vision still wasn't the greatest. It wasn't coming back, slowly but surely.
After a moment of seemingly just staring at him she breathed his in response. With one last look she turned, walking away from him. The vampire simply laid there on the floor nearly trembling. He knew what had happened to him, that he'd lost his soul. However what he didn't know was what had happened while he was...away. Not to mention the fact that he could smell...arousal all over himself, yet Buffy was perfectly clean. However he swore he spotted several bruises before she walked away from him.
Watching her exit the room he simply laid there unable to move for the moment. His body was reeling from the shock of the pain it had just endured. Confusedly he watched as she reached under a mat and then came up with a key. To his fortune she came back and began loosening the chains off of his wrists and ankles. When she told him that he was alright he simply stared up at her, eyes lost and more confused than ever. Once he was released from the chains he rubbed at his wrists briefly, sore and bruised from the chains. Apparently he'd been pulling against them more than likely trying to escape from...Buffy. She must have tied him there to do the spell.
Although the vampire couldn't hear anyone else moving inside the home. Vaguely he wondered where everyone else was, why she'd come here alone. Hearing her voice he looked to her quickly, his head turning to see her abruptly. The mention of his sister's name had caught his attention. "Katheryn... he said, his eyes more broody than he'd ever been before. He could only imagine how scary it had to be for her. He didn't even know yet if he'd done anything but regardless, he hoped that he hadn't even seen Katheryn throughout all of this. If Angelus had hurt someone, he wasn't sure what he'd do. Next Angel pulled himself up to sit up straight, watching the slayer very closely as he stood up and walked away from him once again. This time she didn't come back but instead took a seat against another wall adjacent to him. "What happened? What...what did I do?" [/color] he asked softly, his eyes looking hurt at the possibility of having maybe hurt someone. He hoped to god that he hadn't but at this point, he just didn't know. At the moment the last thing he remembered was kissing Buffy and than lying down with her and Katheryn. He'd finally been whole again. He'd had a family of odd sorts and had been truly happy...which had initiated his curse.[/blockquote][/color] - - - - - - - - - - - -Tag: Buffy Word Count: 593 Outfit: T-shirt and sweatpants. Notes: Yes...is it sad i'm looking to forward to it?[/center] |
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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on May 22, 2012 20:21:00 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -She wasn’t sure how to handle this. She knew she had only scant minutes to spend with him before he remembered everything, and yet her mouth wouldn’t move. God she should be running and embracing him, trying to tell him how much she loved him, doing something other than sitting there not saying a word and not even looking at him! Unfortunately she just didn’t know what to say. Flashes were going off in her brain of how she had been writhing underneath Angelus only an hour before hand and now she could barely look at his face. Jesus what was the matter with her?! Why didn’t she listen to everyone when they told her to stay away? Spike, Willow, Faith, they ALL told her to let them handle it…did she listen?
Of course not. Did she ever?
She shook her head when he breathed out his sister's name. "Don't worry...she didn't see y...him. I got her away before he fully emerged and have kept her inside where he couldn't come near her. She never saw him. She's scared, yeah, but she's okay." She told him, trying desperately to reassure him that even though she had completely fucked up and betrayed him, she had kept his sister safe. It was the only thing she had done the entire time that Angelus had been free that she could say was right. “I promise she’s alright. I…we…Faith, Willow, Spike and I…we kept Angelus away from her.” She continued to tell him, knowing she was babbling but not knowing how to keep herself from talking.
She watched as he sat up against the other wall. She could feel his eyes on her but refused to look directly at him, instead looking at the wall behind him, though still able to see the basic movements. She heard his question but the answer caught in her throat. How could she tell him what had happened? She didn't know how to say the words, yet she knew she had to. "You didn't do anything." She told him, finally meeting his eyes, the honesty showing through. "He did it all. I need you to remember that. You didn't make any mistakes...we all did." She stated before wincing, knowing there was no way she could tell him how many mistakes they had all made...how many mistakes she had made. She had been the one to mess up, not him.
“He ran in to a couple of people.” She told him vaguely before shaking her head. “I’m not going to sugar coat it for you because I know you’d rather hear it from me before you get the memories back. So here goes. He beat up Faith, drank from her, beat up Spike, killed five potentials, beat up a friend of mine Dean, and I’m not sure what he did to other people…but I know he got into quite a few fights and uh…I know he drank a lot. I caught him at a bar with some girl one time. Other than that I don’t know what all he did.” She told him only giving him the half truth. She knew a lot more than she said. She knew he had drank from her, fought her, and slept with her. But how could she ever get the words out? As she told him what Angelus had done she didn't even realized she touched her neck where the fresh bite mark was visible, though she didn't even notice she was doing it.
Word Count::616
Tag:: ANGEL!!!!!
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Don’t worry, I’m excited about it too. Lmfao. Are we sadistic or masochistic? Lol. I think a bit of both to be honest.
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Post by angel on May 22, 2012 20:59:52 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -A small sigh came from between his lips, though it probably wasn't audible to the slayer. Even though her senses were enhanced it hadn't even been a whisper, barely even counted as a sound. Right about now he was just in plain old shock. It felt like he'd been out of his body for ages. As if his mind had taken a several week vacation, or however long, but his body had remained. With a small nod he acknowledged that Katheryn was alright. "Thank you.." he replied, again very quietly. One could definitely tell that it was Angel just by how very monosyllabic he was acting at the moment, not that anyone could blame him. Every time he moved, even just in the slightest way, his body ached. It was as if his entire body had been run over by a boulder, or a semi for that matter. Every muscle in his being currently ached. Not to mention, the process of having one's soul returned to them didn't exactly feel good. As he realized that Buffy was bruised as well, he immediately knew why they were down here; why he had been chained to the wall. They'd fought. That definitely explained all of the bruising and the blood that he smelled. It was on him, not on her though. It was human blood on his person and it had certainly come from her. How bad the fight had been, he had no clue. Again he nodded to her, not feeling like anything more needed to be said. He was ashamed that they'd had to protect his own sister from him. That all of them had to hide her from him. He'd only just gotten her back and now this had happened, she probably hated him at this point. Honestly, he couldn't blame her in doing so. Patiently he listened as she gave him the rundown on busy Angelus had been. Horrified, he listened at how many terrible things his other half had done. You could take the man out of the demon, but never the demon out of the man. Solemnly he nodded, he'd been doing that a lot lately; not too many words seemed to be forming for him right now. "Are they okay? Faith and Spike I mean.." [/color] he said wearily. Spike wasn't exactly the one he was worried about. In all honesty the two hadn't ever really liked each other. However he had been pretty close with Faith lately and hated what he'd done to her. He had seen the Dean man once in the Boarding house, drinking with Buffy but didn't know him past that. "And Dean? He's human right?...How...bad was it?"[/color] he asked slowly, hoping to god that he hadn't seriously damaged the poor man. From what he'd heard, Dean was on their team. He hated not knowing what he had done, having to hear it from someone else. Although she wasn't looking at him, he had been looking directly at her. He watched as she brushed her fingers along a bite mark. A fresh bite mark. A look of despair hit his eyes, now understanding why he smelled blood on himself. "Buffy, you're hurt.."[/color] he said softly. With this he stood up, though a bit wobbly, and managed to walk over to her. Lightly he reached down, pulling her off of the floor with his hand. Once she was up, one of his hands softly brushed all of the hair around her neck. Not only was there one bite mark, but there was a second, though a bit older. "Did I -- he do this?"[/color] he asked softly, hating himself for ever having hurt her. Right now he felt like he just wanted to walk into the sunlight, he was so overwhelmed with guilt. Deep brown eyes stared lovingly into the slayer, hoping that she could forgive him for his sins.[/blockquote][/color] - - - - - - - - - - - -Tag: Buffy Word Count: 676 Outfit: T-shirt and sweatpants. Notes: ----[/center] |
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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on May 22, 2012 21:31:57 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -She shook her head, her blonde hair falling in her face. "Don't thank me." She whispered softly, her guilt evident in her voice though she doubted he heard it. He was in shock…that much was clear in his actions and in his eyes which were almost vacant in his attempt to try and recall the memories. She thought about telling him to not try, to not think about them, but she knew it wouldn't work. They would return quickly and she had to stand as heavy as possible to keep her legs from running seemingly of their own scared mind.
She could tell he was in pain and that knowledge made her want to scream in agony. He was in pain, not from a fight, but from the hours of...she couldn't even say it. She could feel her aches and pains as well but she ignored them for the moment. She would embrace them later, knowing they were a small punishment in what would be a life-long one after she left the basement. She looked away again, not wanting to see how his eyes ran over her, seemingly checking if she was alright. He shouldn't care...though at the same time a traitorous part of her heart said to embrace it while she could because it wouldn't last much longer.
She nodded her head slowly at his question. "Both are fine. Spike was more pissed that Angelus got the upper hand and bitched about it for awhile...well...he bitched about a lot that night but eh, he'll be fine." She told him, remembering how Spike had laid into her (both verbally and physically) about her need for Angelus. "Faith was a little banged up but by morning she was fine...five by five as she would say." Her hand went to her hair, brushing it out of her face. “Yeah, he’s human…however it’s fine, he's fine too. No offense to him, but he sort of deserved it. Threatened Angelus and then called him Edward, which is a dumbass vampire who sparkles from Twilight. I would have probably hit him too.” She stated, trying to laugh but not even able to fake one, she knew her joke fell short. She didn’t even know why she had bothered, she couldn’t really imagine laughing again for a long time. A part of her wondered if she was being melodramatic, having lived without him before. However this time it was different, this time it was completely her fault she would lose him.
She heard him state that she was hurt and shook her head. "I'm fine." She told him quietly. She didn't hear him get up and before she knew what was happening she was being pulled up off the floor. She kept her head down though felt her hair being pushed away from her shoulder. It took her a second to realize what he was doing before she pulled away, putting distance between them though only being able to move about a foot because she had already been against the wall. "Angel...please...just...don't." She told him sadly. "Trust me when I say when you get your memories back you're going to want to be as far away from me as possible." She told him, tears falling without her consent.
"This." She stated, motioning to herself. "I deserve all of it and a lot more. Hell I deserve to be on the wrong end of my own stake for the things I've done. You won't believe it when you remember but I need to tell you. I love you, only you. and I'm so sorry." She told him, knowing that her time was running out. She ran her hand over his cheek, leaning in and placing a kiss against it. "I won't ask for your forgiveness because I don't deserve it. But I do love you." She told him, wiping a small tear that had transferred itself from her lips to his cheek. “Never forget that. No matter what happens.”
Word Count::679
Tag:: ANGEL!!!!!
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: This post almost made me cry. Lol
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Post by angel on May 23, 2012 20:08:40 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -It confused him a bit when she told him not to thank her. Was it not worthy of thanks? In his mind it surely had been. Katheryn and him had only recently been reunited after years of being apart. She was his baby sister and he loved her more than anything in the world. Why did she not deserve thanks? The confusion in his eyes showed at this moment, questioning her own. Her voice had been soft and seemed almost...guilty.
After having known Buffy for so long, he knew her better than most people. He knew how she was feeling without even needing her to speak. Words weren't necessary between them but Buffy usually tender to prefer them. It was one of the many reasons they were so great together. She loved to talk and Angel loved to listen to her talk. However he chose for the moment not to respond to her not wanting thanks, confused but letting it go as it wasn't the most important thing on his mind at the moment.
With a simple nod of his head, he heard about the summaries of what he'd done to the gang. Unfortunately it seemed that Angelus had been very busy. He remembered the potentials in the house before he'd lost his soul; all so young and eager. Angelus had taken their lives, probably with a smile on his face. "I'm sorry..about the potentials" he stated softly, not even wanting to think of how much Angelus probably had enjoyed it. He also knew that Buffy was more or less going to blame herself for this, for not protecting the girls. However there simply hadn't been anything that she could have done; when Angel OR Angelus set their mind to something, it happened. His brown eyes widened, again in confusion. "Twilight?" [/color] he asked her, not even knowing what she was referencing to. And a sparkly vampire? Yeah this made him even more confused so he decided that this wasn't important either as he didn't need anything more being added to his current state of confusion. He'd worry about all the dirty details later. Right now, he just wanted the basics. A hurt look came onto the vampire's handsome features when his love pulled away from him. He hated to see her hurt and knowing that he'd been the one to it killed him. How could she pull away from him? Did she now hate him for what he'd done? "Why? What happened?"[/color] he asked her, moving to be closer to her. His fingers moved up to her face and gently brushed her tears away. "Whatever it is...We'll be okay"[/color] he told her softly. He had no clue why in the hell she was crying right now, what she could have possibly done. Whatever it was it certainly couldn't be as bad as the things Angelus had done, so why was she so upset? Tears began to well in the own vampire's deep brown eyes as she continued crying, telling him that she loved him. "What is it, Buffy?"[/color] he asked her quietly, desperately needing to not be left out of the loop right now. When she kissed him on the cheek and then pulled back, his eyes locked onto hers. "I love you"[/color] he told her genuinely, needing her to know that as well. Before he could even get an answer from her as to what she had done, it happened. Memories began to flash through his mind faster than the speed of light. A devastating headache consumed him, yelling out in pain as he leaned back against the wall she was against as well. The night in the boarding house flashed through his mind. Slayer's dead, everywhere, wearing her clothes. Buffy kissing him...kissing Angelus, him drinking from her. Random girls at night, sleeping with them and killing them. Beating up Spike, nearly staking him. Nearly killing Faith and draining her dry. Beating up the human Dean. And finally...today. The daylight ring...the...sex with Buffy. Buffy had been intimate with Angelus. Immediately his eyes widened in anger as his head snapped up to look at her. A fierceness was present in his eyes, a low snarl coming from his lips. "How could you"[/color] he asked angrily, his voice deep and low. Another snarl erupted from him. Quite honestly, he couldn't help it at the moment; she'd betrayed him.[/blockquote][/color] - - - - - - - - - - - -Tag: Buffy Word Count: 769 Outfit: T-shirt and sweatpants. Notes: Shit just hit the fan.[/center] |
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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on May 24, 2012 10:45:47 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -She could see the confusion in his eyes but she ignored it. She knew that it wouldn’t be too much longer before the confusion turned into anger…hatred…and a myriad of other things that she didn’t even want to think about. She hated this, hated it with a passion. Why the hell did she do what she did?! Why did she allow anything of the sort to go down. A kiss was one thing, they had kissed a couple times back when Angelus had lost his soul back in Sunnydale. She could remember clearly the three kisses they had shared back then. All of them burned into her brain.
The first one was when she had no idea it wasn’t Angel…the one in his apartment. That one had been a bit confusing to her. Even after all these years she couldn’t figure out if he was trying to pretend to be Angel at first before realizing he couldn’t or if he was simply trying to be an asshole. Granted Angelus never had to actually try to be an asshole but either way. The second one was at the school that same day, directly after she had found out that he wasn’t Angel any longer. That one had been a simple kiss to torment her before throwing her against the wall. The third one was during the possession of the spirits of the teacher and the student…she couldn’t remember their names right now. Grace and James? Eh, it didn’t matter. However that one hadn’t really been their fault but still, they had still kissed.
Either way Angel had forgiven her for those. Really they had never talked about them, never had brought them up. So she assumed he had forgiven her though again, it had never been talked about. So a kiss could have been forgiven, especially since this whole damn thing started out with her trying to piss Angelus off. However it went downhill fast and unfortunately the things she had done today…couldn’t…wouldn’t be forgiven. Even the day when they had the serious make out session might have been forgiven, but this one…now way in hell.
She saw the look of hurt pass over his features and she wanted to take it away but she didn't deserve too. "I-I... I can't." She told him. "We won't be okay Angel. No matter how much I wish we would we won’t." She cried out, pulling away when he tried to touch her again. She relished his last I love you, because that's what it was...the last one she would ever hear.
Before she could say anything else a yell of pain left his lips. She watched in horror as he gripped his head and she knew, this was it. This was the end of their love, their relationship, hell even their friendship. He would never forgive her. She closed her eyes, waiting for the onslaught of anger and hurt. He didn't disappoint. A snarl left his lips and when she opened her eyes she was almost afraid by how much like Angelus he looked in that moment. Though if possible, he looked even angrier.
She heard his low question and she didn't know how to answer. How could she explain it to him? How could he understand? There was no way. She highly doubted the answers she gave Spike would suffice for him. She knew that he wouldn't understand her need for something, anything, because she didn't understand it herself. Spike seemed to but that's because he had been around the last time she had gone off the deep end so to speak. Angel however, he had never seen that side of her...and deep down she had prayed he never would.
Tears continued to fall down her face, though she knew she didn't deserve to cry. She couldn't even think of what to say. Instead of wallowing in her own guilt earlier she should have come up with a damn plan on what to say to him, on how to explain her actions. But really, what could she say. how could she make anything better since he had all the memories that went along with hers? "I don't know." She whispered miserably. She couldn't even apologize because he wouldn't care. It wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference if she was sorry or not. It wouldn’t make it better.
Saved by the bell, literally in this case, as her cell phone rang out. She reached for it, noting who was on the phone with a shake of her head. Answering it quickly with a “hello” she heard Willow ask her if the spell had been cast. “Yeah, he’s uh…he’s fine.” She told him, wincing at her words. Really he was far from fine. Hell she had a feeling she would be far from fine once this conversation was over. Willow had been the only one who knew she was going to distract Angelus earlier. Spike and Faith had been left out of the loop because she knew neither of them would allow her to do what she needed to do…especially not Spike. She knew that if Angel didn’t kill her…Spike might. Uh Buff? Yeah, Spike sorta…came in while I was doing the spell…he knows you lied to him. She put her head in her hands. “I gotta go Willow. I’ll talk to you later.” She told her before hanging up, not wanting to get into it with Willow on the phone, especially not with Angel in the mood he was in and Spike in the background. That confrontation wouldn’t go well at all.
Word Count::973
Tag:: ANGEL!!!!!
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Sorry for the random phone call. Ash was a little mad that she didn’t get to RP out the spell so I figured I’d give Willow a moment in this post. Lol <3
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Post by angel on May 24, 2012 18:02:26 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -It killed him to see what was playing through his head. Every moan he remembered, every time Angelus had touched her, every time she'd touched him..he remembered it all. It was like a movie playing in his head that he just wanted to forget. It continued as if it was a broken record on repeat. The ending was the worst, when he truly felt the most betrayed. The kissing had been bad enough. The pleasuring each other, even worse. However the two of them actually having sex...and seeing how much she enjoyed it, how much she'd craved it, killed him inside. He felt like he'd only just got his soul back and yet his unbeating heart was being ripped right back out of his chest.
The fact that she didn't know how she could have done this to him, he found very aggravating. In all honesty how in the hell could one not know why they'd slept with someone. Angel hadn't ever slept with someone without a reason. Maybe human Angel, sure, but not since he'd gotten a soul.
Angel as a human hadn't exactly been the highest on the social scale. The women had loved him because of his physique and his handsome face but he hadn't treated them all that well. He'd loved the barmaids especially and had been known to do with them as he pleased and throw them away afterwards. He'd basically been a drunken fool. Even his own father had hated him and his mother only put up with him because he was her only son. At least his mother hadn't ever told him that she wished they hadn't ever had him, like his father had.
However since he'd gotten a soul and found some meaning to life, he'd never slept with anyone without reason. At the very least he'd at least liked them, as in the case of Nina. His eyes widened in pure outrage at her words. "You don't know? How in the hell don't you know why you fucked a soulless murderer?" His voice was loud and at this point, he was pretty much flipping out. His emotions had gotten the best of him despite how rare of an occasion that was. It honestly wasn't something he'd expected when he'd come back and asked her what had happened. He'd expected to hear about the killing but this...nothing could have prepared him for this. Not only did he feel heartbroken but he felt betrayed more than anything. It felt as if she'd cheated on him, since he liked to think of Angelus as another person entirely. Plus...it was Angelus. Buffy knew how Angel felt about Angelus and she still felt the need to have sex with him? How in the fuck did that make sense, even in her mind. To him it felt like the ultimate betrayal. As if she'd basically ripped out his heart, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it until it was a pink mush. Gross, but a fair comparison. And again he felt himself go into a rage as she answered her phone. The audacity that she had even thinking it was okay to talk to Willow right now shocked him. Taking her sweet time he simply stood there angrily, watching her with amazed eyes. Amazed at how much of a bitch she was being right now. Did she not care at all? Once she hung up the phone he reached out and took it into his hands. With all the pent up anger, he simply squeezed it until it cracked into about a bajillion pieces. Looking at her through anger, his eyes became questioning. "Do you even care?" [/color] he asked in outrage. The visions of Angelus and her kept playing through his head continuously. Seeing it even when he shut his eyes for a moment. It seemed that he would never be able to stop thinking about it. "And you were right, before"[/color] he began, his voice low. His brown eyes bore into hers intensely, a coldness in them. "We never will get through this"[/color] he finally finished, knowing it would kill her to hear it. Too bad. It killed him to see it.[/blockquote][/color] - - - - - - - - - - - -Tag: Buffy Word Count: 726 Outfit: T-shirt and sweatpants. Notes: Ouch..she'll be crushed, lol.[/center] |
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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on May 24, 2012 18:40:10 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -God the look in his eyes broke her. She hated how much he was hurting. She could see the revulsion in his features as he remembered what she and Angelus had done. She didn’t even want to face him, didn’t want to look at him. How could she!? How could she explain to him how much she loved him and then go and fuck his other half. It was worse than sleeping with his twin brother. At least if she had slept with his twin he wouldn’t have to have the memories. He wouldn’t have to know the details on what they had done. This however, this was worse. He knew what they had done. He could feel it, could see it, could taste it…and yet it wasn’t him.
She winced at his anger, hating how he was speaking to her though she knew she deserved it. She knew that in all actuality he had every right to hit her, slap her, kick her, punch her...hell he really had the right to by all means straight kick her ass. She doubted he would do it though, not because he was better than that, though that was true as well. No, he wouldn't do it because he wouldn't find it worth it. She knew Angel, knew him like the back of her hand, and she knew that he would leave. She knew she would lose him, hell, she had already lost him in the emotional sense…however he’d leave again. And this time, she’d never hear from him again.
Tears fell down her cheeks unchecked, on anyone else it would look a hot mess, though on her it just looked heart breaking. The strong slayer, the one who had battled many things and lived to tell the tale (more or less) was now reduced to a quivering mess as she said nothing to appease her ex lover’s ire. What could she say to make this better?! Nothing, there was nothing she could do and nothing she could say. It was over and she had lost. She had lost everything she had ever loved…and that knowledge almost crippled her as the grief rushed through her.
"Nothing I say is going to make it better. You ask me why I did it but do you really want to know?" She asked him softly, wanting to be angry, wanting to scream, but having no energy left to do it. She didn't deserve to explain herself, and yet here he was asking for explanations. What would it matter? "I was drowning Angel...drowning in...Jesus I don't even know what. He was there. As bad as that makes me sound it's the truth. Unfortunately it's not the first time it's happened...just this time it was with the demon who wears the face of the man that I love. Yes I know how bad that makes me sound but it's the truth. I couldn't breathe, I needed something and.... never mind. It doesn't matter. Nothing I say will make it okay, nothing I say will make it better. So don't ask things you really don't care to hear the answers too." She told him, her words harsh but her tone defeated.
After hanging up the phone from Willow she was surprised and a bit unnerved when Angel grabbed the phone out of her hands and squeezed it until it was nothing more than dust. His words cut her to the core as he asked her if she cared. "Of course I care!" She cried out, her throat almost raw from the intense sobbing. "Jesus Angel I fucking hate myself for what I've done! You cannot loathe me anymore than I loathe myself right now and will continue to do until the day I die. I betrayed the one man in the world that I love...and I hate myself for it. I wish I could blame it on something, anything, but I can't. I can't blame it on anyone or anything except myself and my own weakness." She told him, her tone coated in truth.
The coldness in her eyes made her want to throw up, to scream and cry and beg for forgiveness. His words tore through her but his eyes were what capped it. She wanted to break down and sob until there was nothing left but she couldn't. No, she refused to give him that satisfaction.
The blonde slayer stood up straighter, squaring her shoulders. "We wouldn't have gotten through you fucking your sire and knocking her up either." She told him, her tone hard but her eyes showing how heartbroken she was by that. "You had the audacity to tell me how much you loved me, to tell me how me and Kathy were your family...and yet you have a damn son out there that you didn't think was worth mentioning!? Yes I betrayed you and you'll never know how sorry I am for that...but you betrayed me too. You lied to me and you did it with someone who I hate. Someone who wanted to kill me at one time. Jesus Angel if you wanted me dead why didn't you just go through with it that day in the bronze. You and Darla could have gotten together a lot sooner if I wouldn't have been in the way. Was I just warming your bed while you waited for her to be reincarnated?!" She asked before falling to the ground, her legs giving out as her emotions became too much. Her words may have been the truth, but the thought of Angel truly never loving her was more than she could take.
At that moment she had never wanted to die more than she did right then.
Word Count::993
Tag:: ANGEL!!!!!
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Okay I love you but I think I might actually hate this thread. Lol. I mean I love Bangel and all but this is tearing my heart all kinds of up.
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Post by angel on May 24, 2012 19:19:44 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -Seeing her wince didn't hinder him one bit. In fact he was feeding off of it right now. His anger seemed to delve into it, wanting to hurt her. He wanted her to just know how he was feeling right now. If this had been the other way around she probably would have staked him, or never spoken to him again. To him she was lucky that he was still even standing here right now. It infuriated him to know what she'd done and to see her simply crying over it. Sure she was upset but so far she hadn't said anything to make up for it.
In fact she'd simply told him that she didn't know why she'd done it. Now if she really cared about him wouldn't she have at least tried to explain herself? To make him understand what had been going through her head in that moment?
Well moments plural really since the events had taken place throughout the entire day. That made him angry as well. It wasn't a spur of the moment thing that happened quickly and she'd felt bad about it. No, that hadn't been how it happened. She'd actually continued on fucking Angelus all damned day long. She knew it was wrong and yet she'd done it anyways. She'd known that it would truly break his heart and she hadn't cared enough to stop. He knew that Angelus hadn't forced her hand, he'd seen it so she couldn't even try to play that card. She'd willingly jumped into his arms and for that, he felt like he'd never truly heal.
As she blurted out to him he heard her voice crack. It seemed that she'd been crying hard enough to where she was choking a bit as she went to speak. He hated to see her cry. In all honesty he wished he didn't even have to see her cry right now. Not because she had no reason to cry because she did. In a sense, she'd broken his undead heart. But he didn't want to see it because it made him feel guilty for being so harsh on her and he deserved to be harsh with her; she deserved it. The fact that she seemed to be taking that away from him with her tears only angered him further and made him feel guilty all at the same time.
His eyes darted away from her as she continued to cry. Honestly he didn't want to watch it. With each tear he seen of hers he began to feel more and more guilty and he knew he shouldn't feel that way. He shouldn't have to at least, he knew he would anyways. His head was turned to her but his eyes seemed to be cutting through her and looking to the wall. "Why did you do it? And don't give me a fucking excuse about how weak you are. I know you too well, and you're the strongest woman I've ever met so don't fucking lie to me or try to pawn it off on something such as weakness." Again he knew it was very harsh but hey, a man needed answers when it came to something like this. It was strange to hear himself swearing, as he never did, but right now he was so angry he couldn't seem to stop dropping F bombs. Before he knew it the tables had turned between them. He'd been so distracted by Angelus and Buffy making love that he had overlooked Angelus telling her about Darla and Connor. God dammit he thought to himself angrily. In all honesty he had been planning on telling her eventually. They had only just gotten back together the night that he'd lost his soul, he hadn't had the time to sit her down and actually tell her. Now she was going to throw that in her face, to avert things away from herself? Somehow, the anger had been turned towards him? That pissed him off. Again his eyes traveled to the floor. It took him a minute before he would respond, trying to calm himself a bit. "I do love you...and Kathy, don't for a second try and say that I don't" [/color] he spouted off angrily. Although he hadn't noticed it...he'd said 'do' instead of 'did'. As in he still loved her, not past tense. Which he did. Of course he was heart and didn't know if he could get past this, but that didn't mean that he didn't love her. If he didn't love her it wouldn't have hurt this much to be betrayed by her. Something caught his attention then, took precedence over everything else. "I did with someone you hate? You did it with the person that I hate the most in this world..."[/color] he told her darkly, eyes boring back into hers again intensely. Annoyed he made a small scoffing noise to her. "Was I just warming yours so that I could lose my soul and you could have your precious Angelus?"[/color] Ouch. Okay so that one had come out a lot harsher than he'd expected, that was for sure. Though his emotions didn't speak for him very often, his anger did sometimes tend to get the best of him. With this he watched as she fell to the ground, her legs giving out underneath her. It had happened so quickly that it hadn't registered with him in time to stop her from falling. Quickly he knelt down beside her, his hand moving to hold up her neck as she laid so her head wouldn't be lying on the concrete floor. "I shouldn't have said that...I -- I was planning on telling you. I really was...I just didn't know how"[/color] he said, looking away from her. He was hurting inside, more than he'd ever hurt in his life. The hurt however didn't remove the anger.[/blockquote][/color] - - - - - - - - - - - -Tag: Buffy Word Count: 1,020 Outfit: T-shirt and sweatpants. Notes: This post made me sad...and he really wasn't all that bad to her. Please don't make yours super long lmao.[/center] |
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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on May 24, 2012 20:09:33 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -She shook her head when he told her that she was the strongest woman he’d ever met. “That’s a lie.” She whispered, her voice not able to project even the smallest amount of volume. “You’d be surprised how weak I really am Angel.” She told him, her eyes not meeting his. “I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of. Granted this one takes the cake on mistakes, but there have been a lot of things I’ve done that have made me realize how truly weak I am. We’ve had this conversation before Angel. I can stick wood in vampires, but there are a lot of people who are strong in real life…and I’m not one of them.”
She didn’t know what to say. How did she explain to him that it felt as if a force took over her. How did she tell the man that she loved, the only man she had ever truly loved, that something inside her called out to Angelus, just as it had called out to Spike before he got his soul. She had written the Spike fiasco off as her dealing with coming back from heaven…but this whole thing made her wonder.
Was it really the trauma of being ripped away from being happy that had caused her to allow Spike and her to carry on the relationship they had had…or was it something more? Was there a reason that she couldn’t seem to carry on a relationship with a normal guy…was is really because she was so deeply in love with Angel or was it because the darkness inside her called out for something else…something dangerous. No, she couldn’t even think that. Her love for Angel was the only thing that had ever truly made sense. She had said it when she was sixteen and she stood by it. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me.
She saw the anger in his eyes as she spouted off about Darla and Kathy and everything else she had said, but for some reason it didn't register. She couldn't even begin to think about what he was saying, the pain she was in overtaking her. God she was so fucking selfish! Why had she forced him to even look at her?! She should have left, should have walked out...but she couldn't. No, instead she had to force him to look at the object of his hatred. Could she be any worse of a person?
She heard his voice telling her that he loved her and Kathy but for some reason it didn't register. "I know you love Kathy...I'm sorry I said that. It wasn't fair." She whispered, though still not looking at him. His anger seemed to amplify as he told her that she had betrayed him with the person he hated most. "I know." She whispered miserably.
She shook her head in horror as he threw out that he was warming her bed for Angelus. "NO!" She yelled out, but before she could tell him anymore he seemed to realize she was no longer standing next to her, instead laying on the floor. She felt his hand on her neck and for a moment she winced, wondering if he was going to hurt her but when she felt him hold her head she realized what she was doing. "Don't apologize. I don't deserve it." She whispered before opening her eyes, looking into his. "I hate him Angel. No matter what you think I truly hate him. I never wanted him more than you... and I know you don't believe that but I need you to understand. I love you, not him. I know you'll never forgive me, I wouldn't ask you too." She told him. "I can't tell you how sorry I am, and I can't tell you how horrible I feel. I know you're angry, you have every right to be. Just know that nothing you can say or do to me, will make me feel worse than I already do.” She told him, taking a deep breath before continuing. “You should have told me. I know it doesn’t excuse my actions, nothing will, but knowing she gave you something that I never could? I feel betrayed too. I know it’s not in the same spectrum, not even close. But know that while you’re hurting…so am I.” She told him before leaning against the concrete once more, fighting the urge to bash her own skull in the hard slabs.
Word Count::783
Tag:: ANGEL!!!!!
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: A little longer than I intended but not too bad. Jesus this thread is killing me.
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Post by angel on May 24, 2012 20:58:52 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -The way she was putting herself down right now wasn't attractive one bit, nor did it hold any truth. In fact what she was saying was the true lie. She was only saying it as a way of justifying what she'd done with Angelus. Lying wasn't going to get her out of anything as far as she was concerned. "No, now you're lying. I've seen you get knocked down more times in your short lifetime than anyone else in my own long life" he said, trying desperately to catch her eyes to no avail. "And yet every time..you've gotten right back up. Hell you've died twice Buffy and yet you still keep fighting." [/color] This time there was a certain warmness to his voice that he hadn't yet used since getting his soul back. None of this meant that she was forgiven and everything between them was okay, he just didn't want her to throw herself a pity party full of lies. "So don't try and sit here and justify your actions with lies because it won't work, not on me. I know you better than anyone"[/color] he told her, his voice low and a bit of anger returning into it. Nothing about this day was fair. He felt like someone had stolen his body and ruined his life. In actuality that had been exactly what had happened. This wasn't even the worst part about it though. The worst part was knowing that the one person he'd ever truly loved had helped in doing this, had allowed it to happen. But what hurt the worst? What hurt him the worst was knowing that she'd enjoyed doing it as well. He knew she hadn't purposely wanted to hurt him, or done anything intentionally. However she had allowed herself to fall for Angelus' charms and that was just as bad. With a slight shake of his head, his eyes drooped to the floor. "No, it wasn't...She doesn't need to be brought into this"[/color] he said, still eyeing the ground. The fact that she'd even tried to say that he didn't love Kathy or whatever in the hell she'd been trying to say not only pissed him off, but hurt him as well. It seemed that he'd never truly had a broken heart until night. She was right about one thing...she didn't deserve an apology from him. However he couldn't help but give her one, seeing her cry like this. It killed his already dead body to see her sobbing so furiously. "No, you don't...you'll never know how it feels right now, Buffy. It's more pain than I've ever experience in my three hundred years..."[/color] his voice trailed off at that point into nothingness. It seemed for a moment that he needed to reign in his emotions. If he continued to act so tender and forgiving, she was going to think that she was truly forgiven. Honestly...she couldn't forgive her right now and he didn't know when he'd be able to. Angel shook his head furiously, letting her hold her own head up and standing on his feet. He began to pace back and forth as he spoke, not wanting to meet her eyes. "It's not about that...I know you love me, that's not what I'm upset about. But the very fact that you wanted him at all...after what he did to your friends, now and back in Sunnydale. The fact that he is everything I despise, everything I hate about myself. That's why I'm upset...that's why I don't know how or when i'll ever be able to get over this.."[/color] he hated to be so frank and risk making her cry even worse, but it needed to be said. Still pacing back and forth, he turned around once again. Finally he had mustered up enough courage to fully look her head on in the eyes. "Don't you think I wish it would have been you? I'd give anything to give you a child, I truly would. But the cards didn't play out that way. Connor...my son, his name is Connor...he was conceived impossibly, we still don't know how the hell it even happened..."[/color] he said explaining, the anger leaving his voice so he could calmly explain. Of course it'd be back in no time but at least she'd gotten a small break.[/blockquote][/color] - - - - - - - - - - - -Tag: Buffy Word Count: 764 Outfit: T-shirt and sweatpants. Notes: ----[/center] |
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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on May 24, 2012 21:30:56 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -She shook her head again, he wasn't listening. "NO!" She told him sternly. "You don't get it." She tried to explain. "Yes, physically I'm strong. Yes, I've gotten knocked down more times than I can count. Yes I've stood back up because someone had too...but don't take my physical strength for being strong." She told him, her eyes vacant as she remembered the months after being brought back from heaven and how they affected her. She could still remember walking around Sunnydale, wishing for the sweet oblivion of death. She could still remember the several times Spike had saved her ass, not because she was overpowered…simply because she was careless.
"If you even had an inkling of the things I've done in order to make myself wake up every morning, you'd be even more sickened by me than you are now. I keep fighting because I have too, not because I want too. I do it because no one else can. No one else should have too. I have buried myself into things that I cringe back on now in order to make myself feel better, because I couldn't handle them the way a normal person would."
She nodded her assent on keeping Kathy out of it. She wasn't sure why she had even brought Kathy into it in the first place other than to make a point. She wondered if his sister knew he had a kid but didn't question it, knowing that it was no longer her business.
Her shackles were raised when he seemed to gather his anger back again. "I don't know what it feels like? Really Angel? You might be right, but don't for a god damned second think that I don't know pain because I do! You walked away from me many times before...even though you claimed to love me. Jesus Angel we were happy before you took back the god damned day when you were human!" She cried out before sobering up, realizing what all she was saying. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I know why you did it, we don't...have to get into that. I'm just...mad and lashing out." She told him, her heart broken and desperately trying to come up with anything to keep herself together, even if that was anger.
"You think I don't know what he's done...I do. I hate myself for allowing it to happen. I should have let him kill me instead because I wasn't strong enough to beat him. I don't think you understand that. I won't lie to you and tell you that the reason I did it was to save everyone because that's not the full truth, but a part of that is true. Angel I wasn't strong enough to go against him. He was stronger than me. Hell you and I are evenly matched for the most part. He had drained five potentials, then bit Faith and then me. There was no way I was going to walk away from that fight alive. Again, I wont say that's the only reason...but that is a part of it." She tried to explain, though having no idea if it would do any good.
She shook her head at him when he stated the things about his son...Connor. For some reason hearing his name from Angel's lips made him more real, and it hurt even more. She knew it wasn't really his fault technically since he had never known that he could have children, but that didn't make the hurt any less. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything...it's none of my business." She told him, her eyes welling up once more but refusing to let the tears fall.
She wasn’t sure why she went back to the same conversation, but for some reason it just seemed as if she had no filter at the moment. “You want to know the things I’ve done that I’m ashamed of? Because granted none of them of this magnitude but still…I’m not a good person Angel…I haven’t been in a long time.” She tried to explain before her eyes became almost vacant.
"After you left me, I jumped into bed with Parker, a guy who used me and spit me out because I was just a hot piece of ass according to him. But I couldn't handle the fact that the love of my life, left me. I guess I proved him right though, I guess I was just a silly school girl." She told him sadly, her eyes on the wall behind him, seeing the past, not the present. "Then, I couldn't keep Riley because apparently I didn't need him, so instead he ran away to pay vampires to feed on him...to see why I liked it so much. He seemed to think that because I forced you to bite me to save your life and because Dracula somehow figured out a way to bite me that meant that I liked it..." She told him almost in a monotone voice. "Then I died, and for once I was happy. You know what happened next, I was pulled out by my friends and couldn't deal. Instead of you know, talking it out...I just didn't deal. Until things built up and I ended up sleeping with Spike. That didn’t end well as I finally got my head out of my ass and realized what I was doing. I stopped it and he didn’t deal, seems to run with people I know.” She told him. “Granted he went off the deep end too trying to rape me in the bathroom but I digress.” She stated, not even realizing all that she was admitting. “See Angel, I’m not strong. It doesn’t excuse my actions…but there you go.” She told him quietly.
Word Count::976
Tag:: ANGEL!!!!!
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Sorry for the length.
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Post by angel on May 25, 2012 15:53:21 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -Why on earth was the slayer so stuck on this weakness thing? She seemed to insist that she was weak when deep down she knew she wasn't. Sure she'd had weak moments in her life that was a given. No matter who it was, everyone had weak moments in their life at one point or another, no one could be strong all the time. The both of them were far too stubborn to come to an agreement. He knew that if he disagreed, they could keep going for hours on end. However he refused to agree with her and call her weak, absolutely refused. If he did it seemed that she could feel a bit better about what she'd done and honestly, she didn't deserve to feel better about it. Why should she get to feel better and he shouldn't? That was an unusually selfish thing for him to say but he didn't care at the moment.
Finally his frustration seemed to boil up within him to a point where he almost couldn't take it. It was very aggravating to him that she just wouldn't fucking admit that she was strong, that she had let her guard down to Angelus. Suddenly he reached out, grabbing the slayer by both arms and shaking her a bit. Next he pushed her back against the wall. He didn't slam her into it but he was definitely forceful.
"You're not using this as an excuse Buffy. I wasn't talking about your fucking physical strength. You keep fighting because you're strong, not physically, because you're courageous and you have a good heart. So don't try to fucking sit here and lie to me just to pawn off your mistakes on weakness" he told her angrily, pretty much yelling into her face. Anger flashed in his eyes and his grip was extremely tight on her arms. Noticing that he was holding them at almost full strength, he angrily dropped them and turned away so he wasn't looking at her. God he almost couldn't stand to hear this anymore. She was deflecting from what she had done and trying to lessen it. It was royally pissing him off. "That's bullshit..." [/color] he told her in a low voice, still facing her with his back. "You know damned well that there are people who would fight without you. Hell, we have fought without you, when you died so don't try and pull that shit"[/color] he spouted as he spun around to look at her again. Anger didn't overtake him too often but when it did...it wasn't good for anyone. As he watched her he noticed that she was growing angry again at hearing his comment but he didn't care. This wasn't about how she felt this time, despite what she thought. Then it hit him. Jesus Angel we were happy before you took back the god damned day when you were human! She remembered that day? The oracles had taken it away from her for him, he remembered it vividly. Remembered telling her and watching her cry and even crying himself as the clocked ticked away at their time together. All this time he had assumed that she had really forgotten, those damned oracles had obviously failed. However...why had she only just now told him? His eyes quickly darted to hers as soon as she said it. For a moment his anger subsided, a certain softness taking over his deep brown eyes. "Y-you remember?"[/color] he asked, his eyes wide with shock. His jaw had even dropped when he had first heard it. "But the oracles...they told me they took it away from you...I -- I had to, Buffy, that isn't the same. You can't possibly blame me for that...we couldn't have been together like that"[/color] he said, sad eyes falling to the floor by her feet. It hurt to know that she remembered, he felt guilty that she'd known this whole time and had never been able to say anything. That it hurt her to know he'd chosen not to be with her like that, but he had to. An annoyed chuckle came from between his lips, yeah, that was total bullshit. "Really? Don't even try that, Buffy. He may be stronger than you alone...but if you had come with Willow, Spike, Faith, would he have been able to kill you? I don't think so"[/color] he finished angrily. Now she was pissing him off again and he knew that sooner or later he would hit his breaking point. The lies and excuses coming from her mouth were wanting him to make her just stop talking. Again he saw the tears welling in her eyes. It still hurt him to see it as it wasn't like he hated her, however he wasn't going to let himself feel bad for her. Not right now. "No, it's not"[/color] he said, voice low but angry nonetheless. If anything his voice was a bit threatening. Maybe it was because it was a sore spot for him, not having Connor in his life. As she went on to tell him everything she'd ever done wrong, he listened patiently. However he knew that weak moments didn't make a weak person. He planned on telling he r this, until she got to the end about Spike. Immediately his eyes flashed furiously and his eyes widened. "Spike did WHAT?"[/color] he yelled, his face losing it's humanity and slipping into his vampire visage. Sometimes he just couldn't help it, it happened when he got too angry. "And you STILL let him stay with you?"[/color] he inquired, knowing that it was true but hating to know it. In his mind, Spike had just signed his own death warrant. Angrily Angel attempted to push past the slayer to go up the stairs, he would deal with Spike tonight.[/blockquote][/color] - - - - - - - - - - - -Tag: Buffy Word Count: 1,022 Outfit: T-shirt and sweatpants. Notes: Spike better run...lmao Angel isn't playing around![/center] |
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Post by Buffy Anne Summers on May 25, 2012 16:31:57 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -She groaned when she felt his arms go to her arms and push her up against the wall. She was going to bruised from head to toe tomorrow, though she refused to tell him she was in pain since he would simply say she shouldn't have screwed his counterpart. Yeah, didn't think that was a wise move to anger him any further...though it seemed no matter what she said he was getting even angrier. Maybe she should just stop talking? Didn't seem to matter one way or another though. He was mad, she understood that, but nothing she said seemed to make a bit of difference so why he kept asking her the same thing she didn’t know. Everything she said was wrong, even though it was the truth, so why they were continuing going on about it she didn’t know.
“What is your problem?!” She cried out before shaking her head. “No, don’t answer that. I know I’m the problem. What I mean is that I’m not trying to hide behind my weakness or trying to blame the fact that I fucked up on any of that. I’m just trying to make you understand that yes, I fucked up…and yes a part of that is because I’m weak. It’s not the whole reason and I won’t insult your intelligence by saying it was, but it is a part of it. Angel I’ve been through hell and back, especially lately. I thought you were dead, then all of a sudden you’re there and we try the whole ‘friends thing’ which worked for all of three seconds, then we get back together only for you to lose your soul again…so yes, I lost it for a bit. Again, I’m not blaming it on that but I’m trying to explain it. However like I’ve said before NOTHING I say is going to suit your curiosity. What exactly is it that you want me to say?” She asked him, fed up with him yelling at her about it. She didn’t have an excuse. There was no excuse that she could give…so why did it matter what the reason was…because again, there really was no reason.
She glared at him. "That's not what I meant and you know it!" She yelled at him. "I am not saying that you and your team or Willow and the Sunnydale group wouldn't fight. You're right, you guys did fight when I was dead. Well, they fought when I was dead...it didn't really affect you guys when I was dead but that's beside the point. I know that Willow and Xander and all of the rest of them would fight without me...I meant that I don't want anyone else to have to fight the battles that are meant for me. Those are my jobs, my crosses to bare, no one else's!"
She shook her head, not wanting to get into it. "When I was brought back I was brought back with all of my memories, including that and the memories that the Monks altered to make me remember Dawn. So I technically have two sets of memories. I didn't mean to throw that in you're face. I know it's not the same." She told him, though a part of her was still very bitter about it. Not at him, no, but to the oracles. They had told him that she would die if he didn't turn back the day...guess what...she died anyway. So why it mattered she didn't know, but either way there was nothing she could do about it. "I'm sorry, I know why you did it." She told him, knowing she had no right to question his actions, not anymore.
She glared. “You want to know why I didn’t throw my friends together and get them all against him…three reasons. One, I didn’t want them to get hurt…and Angelus would have hurt them to hurt me. Two, they were all protecting Kathy as much as possible while I wasn’t there. And three, I didn’t want them to hurt you! Yes, he might not have been you at the moment but if he would have gotten staked that means that you would die…and I couldn’t take that risk!” She told him, knowing her reasoning would piss him off but not knowing how else to explain.
She turned her head when he told her that his son was none of her business, she'd never admit it but that hurt more than anything he'd ever said to her. Not because it was untrue, but because it simply pounded the fact into her brain that she could never have a family with him...and that knowledge broke her even more.
She groaned when Angel tried to push past her. "No!" She told him, yelling. "I've dealt with Spike on the issue, you don't need to go and deal with it too. It's over." She told him, her hands on his chest trying to push him back. Jesus when did he get so strong? She knew clearly he had gotten stronger in Los Angeles. Back in Sunnydale even though he was strong she was still clearly the stronger one. Now she actually started to wonder if in a fight could she still take him? It didn't matter but it was something she wondered. "He stayed with me because we needed someone else who could protect people. Willow couldn't do magic at the time without losing her mind, Xander can fight but he doesn't have super strength, Dawn was constantly in danger and I had a lot of things going on and needed some damn back up!" She yelled out, hating that her questions from over a year ago were being questioned.
Word Count::964
Tag:: ANGEL!!!!!
Outfit:: Click here for Buffy’s outfit
Note:: Sorry for the length.
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